You go girl! I admire you. When I was married off, I was just 18 and they had promised me I could finish school, also inlaws had said that after marriage, their son could even live with me in Holland. They promised these things and only days after marriage, my khala’s started saying I shouldn’t finish school and not live in Holland, I was married off to the son of my mothers sister, all family, but after marriage, life became very difficult.
And everyone wanted me to be pregnant within a few weeks! The first months after marriage I kept trying to finish school, so I was in Holland more often while husband and inlaws lived in France. I didn’t want a child so soon and especially not while I was trying to finish school. But even my own mother became angry when I menstruated each month. Sometimes husband visited us here during weekends, sometimes I had to visit him in France. Everyone kept arguing with me about getting pregnant. I couldn’t take it anymore!
When I was at my parents house in Holland, my mother argued with me a lot, when I was in France the inlaws argued with me a lot. I often just shut up, sometimes I did say things back, but they always argued. I can’t live like that, with people arguing with me most of the time. I had to live with them, they are family after all, so I quit school about half a year later, just couldn’t take it anymore. Then, when I had to quit school and lived in France, a few months later, I was pregnant. They had all gotten what they wanted. If my husband would have been a nice husband after that and been kind to me, then I wouldn’t have regretted having to quit school and leave Holland as much as I regret it now.
But after I had to give up school for him, live in France for him, he never improved, but only became a much worse husband, he was forbidding me more and more things, unreasonable things, and I kept obeying him hoping things would improve, inlaws were saying strange things and made awful accusations against me, husband didn’t help with that either, he even started to beat me on different parts of my body, one day I just couldn’t take it anymore. Pregnant or not, I had to leave! I always called it explosions, when he sometimes became really angry and beat me up, sometimes it was just a thappar, that’s not beating up, but there were times, when it was beating up and I ended up with bruises and blue and red spots changing colours after a while. When he did that while I was pregnant with our first child, I just had to leave and I did. Only to be returned to him by my parents who insisted I should save the marriage. Alhamdulilah I am divorced now and I have a nice life now.
So, if any females are reading this who are in a similar situation, that their families are about to marry them off while they are still in school, studying further, whatever, don’t believe anyone who promises that your husband and inlaws will let you finish your education after marriage, because your family members are lying if they say that. After marriage, husbands don’t like it if their wives go to school, whatever they say and promise before marriage, after marriage they won’t allow you anything, even if Islam says you can, your husband will never allow it.
I wish I could have been stronger back then, it took me years to be strong and to dare to even open my mouth and say something and dare to do something to get out of that awful marriage. You already sound strong and someone who won’t let anyone do something awful to you.
I hope you will have a nice husband who will treat you kindly and I hope you will never have to go through what I went or what other people on this thread went through! May Allah give you happiness and the kind of life you would like to have insha Allah.
