Especially women:
If you aren’t married by your late 20s, have you experienced backlash associated with that from your community, etc.?
And…
What do men in this age range or older think of unmarried women in this age range?
depends on the woman. Some are overachievers and have waited to finish out their studies and professions and are not happy with the existing pool of middling nudniks. Others are just plain woefully inept at having relationships and have a relationship E.Q of a 16 yr old hussie in heat.
Regardless of the reasons why a girl is single in her late 20s, the community has nothing better to do other than criticize and create stories as to why the girl is single. Yes, there is backlash and in a lot of cases, the parents get the blame for not getting their daughter married at the “appropriate” age … even if it is the girl’s choice and not the parents.
It is a sad situation for girls. Very easy for others to judge until they themselves are in that situation.
well i am not in my late 20s but people will talk regardless. its their nature and by the way its just not desi people, italians or portoguese they all like to be nosey.
I actually happen to be in that pool (late twenties - almost, desi, single female, etc.), and yes the community I live seems to be quite concerned about it (they've been asking me the same old questions for the last 5 years - shadi kab hogi...). it used to bother me (as I'd my own plans, i.e. focus on career/paisa/education, which aren't going anywhere either) but now I don't mind.
I think their question are just part of how we interact with people - they'll ask about the next big thing that might happen to you. Like when you're in college, everyone wants to know when you'll graduate; when you're married then everyone want to know "bachhay kab hongay"; and when you've older kids then bachon ki shadi kab hogi, etc.
only thing that "does" bother me is the fact that some people do blame my parents for giving me the oppurtunity to get good education and make decisions on my own, but that is a small minority and I don't see the need to ruin my life just to make other people happy.
^ perfect response…close the thread please. :taliyan:
Nothing wrong with being in your late 20's. Many pursue graduate school, or choose not to settle. Its these aunties who have nothing better to do than worry about something that is none of their buisness anyway.
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*Originally posted by TootaSitara: *
only thing that "does" bother me is the fact that some people do blame my parents for giving me the oppurtunity to get good education
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err.. that happens too?
yup...
the most interesting thing happened recently (on my tryp to pakistan last month). i never thought i'll have to witness this BUT an old relative of mine (door ki dadi) actually mentioned that i should either geta married asap or do that "haq bakhshawana" stuff (i.e. write it on paper that i'll never marry). well she and I'd some great argurment (to no avail for either of us, of course, as she is the student of behshati zevar thought aur mujh pe "liberation of women" movement ka asar hey) but it was "interesting".
Interesting responses.
You see, the girl may have everything and then some going for her except that her age is “past prime” for marriage. I find this school of thought very ignorant and outdated because a girl can get married at any age…there will always be someone suited to her whichever age she may be. Ultimately, it is her life and her decision.
It also happens that as women become more educated, have careers, and are exposed to various media & perspectives (ie become more sophisticated!) they become more picky with the kind of person they want to spend their life with. Any regular Joe Shmo that is halfway pleasing to parents and community seems to become a non-potential to that girl.
Right? Wrong? What say GS guppies?
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*Originally posted by TootaSitara: *
"haq bakhshawana" stuff (i.e. write it on paper that i'll never marry).
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ooh i read about it in the new papers.. but doesnt that kinda stuff happens in villages only?
True. I know of some Italians who criticized a Pakistani woman for having a single daughter in her late 20s.
Anyway, you see it all the time in the community. So many stories are made and people gossip about why a girl is single. It can’t possibly be cause she hasn’t found someone to her liking.
having a career broad mind is a good thing but being picky is not. everyone has faults.. no one is perfect. and u cannot find mr all perfect in this world.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
having a career broad mind is a good thing but being picky is not. everyone has faults.. no one is perfect. and u cannot find mr all perfect in this world.
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Not arguing that point, but it IS quite possible that the criteria the girl seeks (perfection or not) is not emboddied in the types of rishtey she has been getting, and therefore she is waiting for someone who can at least match most of her criteria.
I think anything other than that would be called "settling" to please everyone except yourself who will be bound to spend life based on what others have approved for you. Now you see, THAT is ignorance on part of those uninvolved in the process and weakness on part of the girl that gives in to these external pressures.
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*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
I think anything other than that would be called "settling" to please everyone except yourself who will be bound to spend life based on what others have approved for you. Now you see, THAT is ignorance on part of those uninvolved in the process and weakness on part of the girl that gives in to these external pressures.
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good point. :)
i wudnt call it ignorance though. most girls know what they r getting themselves into and some of them give that right to their parents to make the choice for them out of respect , trust and obedience.
suroor:
Respect, trust, and obedience to parents can be shown in other ways too. I think marriage is one area where the decision should be compatible with the person’s own criteria as opposed to mainly her parents’. I stress this point especially given the era we live in and the various environments and ideals that we are exposed to, growing up.
Baby, hows about you stop trying so hard? The reason u aint married yet is cuz ur so preoccupied with getting married. It must be so off putting for guys to have to listen to you babble on about wedding lenghes and babies on your first date.
Welcome back Sweetpie. You were missed. Atleast there is some activity on the board with you around!
SS ^
I meant no offence, so why have you taken such offence? Truth hurts eh?