Re: At least Im married! snooty
I know this woman who became a --------.
She suffer and was humiliated lot by men ,but at the end she mange to get her own house.
Now this some serious reward.
Re: At least Im married! snooty
This idiotic martyr attitude is what has landed women in the situation that they are in in most of the world. It's well-intentioned but it is NOT right. What a terrible example to be setting for her children, particularly for her daughters.
This is also a terrible burden for children. I think it is unfair to rest your own happiness on the life of someone else so completely.
Re: At least Im married! snooty
That woman had many choices. Either she could get divorce or do sabr. She preferred the second choice because she didn't want to face all those situations that might come during the process of divorce case, she could lose her children and she didn't want to do sabr on these consequences.
It's not very easy to get ride of such husbands specially in desi culture in most cases
So, Aunti was basically suggesting that if you have sabr toward your abusive patience......he'll eventually die.......and with that you'll find your much longed-for peace........and your kids will grow up/become independent and successful????????
So, peace comes with the brute's death????? Aunti don't make much sense.
So, if the woman dies first........will aunti then say that "See, she did sabr and eventually found peace in death. Death brings peace."
*****Irrespective of when the abusive husband dies.......I doubt that Allah would punish a woman for leaving her husband if he continuously abuses her. It's not like she left him the first time he struck her. She gave him chances, she endured, she stuck around for the sake of her children when she really shouldn't have (they don't need an abusive father as a role model). Getting divorced without a strong enough reason....and not giving your marriage a chance......is not right. But Allah HAS allowed us an exit out of extreme situations because He has forbidden oppression for HIMSELF and for His servants!
was laughing too much at the red writing! love your posts always rv!
This story is a little too extreme but the massage is all the same. When we have sabr it truly is rewarded. There are two ways of making decisions in life. Either you take things in your own hands or you leave ALL up to ALLAH. Most of us like to take things into our own hands and make a better life for ourselves, nothing wrong with that as long as the decisions we make are parallel to our religion. However, there are many people who are incapable of doing such things. I personally know of many. They're** incapable** of standing up for themselves. So ALLAH rewards them for their sacrifice.
One example:
I know a woman, who got married many years ago, to a man who was completely abusive towards her. He cheated, took all her kids away, etc..... But the last draw for him came when he had the guts to get married again to another woman through the wishes of his older sister and parents.
Even after all that, she took her pretty little time to fully get herself ready for divorce. But before her having to take any drastic step
-the guy was forced to get a divorce from the other woman, who turned out to be a complete b*tch
-his parents got divorced at the age of 80
-his older sister's husband told her he will also be getting married to someone younger.
And now this man worships his wife, and she can care less while he runs after her like a little puppy.
This almost gives me the chills, that this woman didn't have to lift a finger and ALLAH made her pathway to freedom so clear and open.
when i was young I found such women so annoying, but now i have so much respect for them, as I could never do this myself, but I wish i had just an ounce of sabr like her.
That’s not petty, being physically and sexually satisfied is one of her basic rights (as well as his obviously)..
A woman was granted a divorce from Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) for simply not finding her husband physically appealing anymore, attraction and sex is important in Muslim marriages, despite what our culture says. A petty reason would be something like ‘he won’t buy me a pair of £700 shoes’..
We tend to attach far too much stigma to divorce, in the early days of Islam divorce was more common because it was easier for divorced women to remarry.. Arabs don’t make half as much of a big deal regarding divorce as we do, perhaps because subconsciously we still cling to the old Hindu ideas of the overly subservient woman being the ideal.
Yes, it’s the most disliked of all halal things but it’s not even makrooh, seems that in our communities we make it out to be a bigger deal than it is, perhaps because it’s in the best interests of the whole patriarchal desi system.. Another example is that in Arab culture girls often write their ‘requirements’ in the nikah document whilst if a desi girl did that ppl would be like ‘WTH!! Who does she think she is??’ Our culture loves taking away the rights of a girl and then trying to use Islam to justify it..
My Mum told me when she was young they used to teach what the OP said in all the villages, oh and as extra ‘incentive’ if the woman died she would go straight to Heaven.. what a nice way to condone domestic abuse (and teach ur daughters it’s ok to be somebody else’s punchbag) 
I think it’s LUCK/DESTINY that her husband died before her. It could have been the other way round too then people must have said “seedhi janat main gayee hogi” but if that would have happened to phir husband kay liye kiya kahtay , usko kis cheez ka reward milla hota in the form of well settled children.
RV has already said everything I wanted to say.
Why is sabar always expected from a woman and not from a man ?
Why is sabar always expected from woman and not from man ?
It would be good to know. I think women bring up their children to expect this sabr of a woman, and not from a man.
One way that I can think of is when daughters are involved, mothers would hesitate to get a divorce because that would lessen their daughters' prospects for good rishtas. People will look down on daughters of divorced mothers (that she will not be a good wife like her mother). I don't know how common it is but some people still have this sick mentality.
The above was one of the things that I thought alot before I took the step and I still do think about it ! But when I look at myself , my parents were not divorced , I came from a good educated family but did that enable me to find a good rishta for myself ? and it happens to many many girls who came from good families & whose parents were not divorced yet they ended up in bad marriages. I think it's all naseeb , for all the daughters including mine I believe that they will get the man who so ever is written for them by Allah. If it is meant to happen it will happen.
On the other hand I know a woman whose parents were divorced , mother remarried and I think dad remarried too she was raised by one of her relative. She got married and she is soo happily married , her husband treats her like a queen. She has even become a grand mother now and all her siblings are also happily married and well settled.
The above was one of the things that I thought alot before I took the step and I still do think about it ! But when I look at myself , my parents were not divorced , I came from a good educated family but did that enable me to find a good rishta for myself ? and it happens to many many girls who came from good families & whose parents were not divorced yet they ended up in bad marriages. I think it's all naseeb , for all the daughters including mine I believe that they will get the man who so ever is written for them by Allah. If it is meant to happen it will happen.
On the other hand I know a woman whose parents were divorced , mother remarried and I think dad remarried too she was raised by one of her relative. She got married and she is soo happily married , her husband treats her like a queen. She has even become a grand mother now and all her siblings are also happily married and well settled.
I know a girl...parent's are divorced. No, not even divorced. Dad just walked away from the family and never looked back. She got married and has two children.
I know another woman whose parents are divorced. She got married.....then divorced herself. And is now remarried again.
Life does not end for either the parents or their children when a divorce occurs. So, Diamond, (easier said than done) but don't worry about your daughter and her marriage. She's just an adorable baby right now, enjoy her childhood, it passes by so quickly. The most important thing for your daughter...and for ANY woman....is not marriage......but to develop strong character and confidence. Without which, it's difficult to handle a marriage and other challenges in life.
hain?? 
Couldnt have said it better myself.... its lovely how people twist the religion around... in the quran it says even if your wife cheats on you you are not suppose to lay a finger at her or yell at her in a loud manner, but the auntie apparently "forgot" to mention that huh?
So, Aunti was basically suggesting that if you have sabr toward your abusive spouse......he'll eventually die.......and with that you'll find your much longed-for peace........and your kids will grow up/become independent and successful????????
So, peace comes with the brute's death????? Aunti don't make much sense.
So, if the woman dies first........will aunti then say that "See, she did sabr and eventually found peace in death. Death brings peace."
*****Irrespective of when the abusive husband dies.......I doubt that Allah would punish a woman for leaving her husband if he continuously abuses her. It's not like she left him the first time he struck her. She gave him chances, she endured, she stuck around for the sake of her children when she really shouldn't have (they don't need an abusive father as a role model). Getting divorced without a strong enough reason....and not giving your marriage a chance......is not right. But Allah HAS allowed us an exit out of extreme situations because He has forbidden oppression for HIMSELF and for His servants!
This story is a little too extreme but the massage is all the same. When we have sabr it truly is rewarded. There are two ways of making decisions in life. Either you take things in your own hands or you leave ALL up to ALLAH. Most of us like to take things into our own hands and make a better life for ourselves, nothing wrong with that as long as the decisions we make are parallel to our religion. However, there are many people who are incapable of doing such things. I personally know of many. They're** incapable** of standing up for themselves. So ALLAH rewards them for their sacrifice.
One example:
I know a woman, who got married many years ago, to a man who was completely abusive towards her. He cheated, took all her kids away, etc..... But the last draw for him came when he had the guts to get married again to another woman through the wishes of his older sister and parents.
Even after all that, she took her pretty little time to fully get herself ready for divorce. But before her having to take any drastic step -the guy was forced to get a divorce from the other woman, who turned out to be a complete b*tch -his parents got divorced at the age of 80 -his older sister's husband told her he will also be getting married to someone younger.
And now this man worships his wife, and she can care less while he runs after her like a little puppy.
This almost gives me the chills, that this woman didn't have to lift a finger and ALLAH made her pathway to freedom so clear and open.
when i was young I found such women so annoying, but now i have so much respect for them, as I could never do this myself, but I wish i had just an ounce of sabr like her.
Well, but that's a vicious circle of reasoning. So, since some people are innately incapable of standing up for themselves, they get a reward...and now that message is taught to all these women...and that causes women who would otherwise have been capable now to also feign incapability....
It's one thing to have 3 retards born in a village, and God gives them a free ride to Heaven, because they didn't know any better...
It's another when you tell everyone in the village - look, these mentally slow kids are all going to heaven...so...why don't all of you start behaving like them? And maybe you'll go to heaven too.
Doesn't make much sense, does it?
Zulum ka khilaaf naa bolnay wala khood bohat bara zalim ha .
Ditto.