At our mosque, there is a class every Saturday morning held by a really sweet lady. She takes us through the Qur’an, explains every passage and the significance behind it.
One morning before the class started, someone asked a question about divorce. Aunti began to explain how Talaq is one of the most disliked things in Islam and isnt encouraged unless its a very dire situation. She proceeded to give the fine example of her next door neighbor:
Married woman who was beaten by her husband every night in front of her 4 children. Every night the whole neighborhood heard her screaming and every morning she pretended like nothing happened. One day, someone asked her why she doesnt leave her abusive husband and she answered: “mein duniya ko kaise moon dikhaungi talaq-shuda hoke. Kamaskam mein abhi sar utha ke ye to kehsakti hoon ke mera shohar hai aur mein shaadi-shuda hoon”.
Later on, her husband passed away and all of her kids became successful professionals who now treat her so well she cannot complain.
Aunti said: see how her perseverance paid off? In the end, Allah swt gave her so much happiness she didnt know what to do with it.
Kinzz, I get your point in that thread too. Lekin ek baat samaj nahin aati hai.
Insaan ek dafa thappar khalay...sabr karo...theek hai. Do dafa khalay...shayad thori aur sabr ki zaroorat hai. Lekin baar baar ek aurat pe haat uthana...aur aurat isliye bardasht karay kyun ke usko Allah Tala sawab denge?
So, Aunti was basically suggesting that if you have sabr toward your abusive spouse......he'll eventually die.......and with that you'll find your much longed-for peace........and your kids will grow up/become independent and successful????????
So, peace comes with the brute's death????? Aunti don't make much sense.
So, if the woman dies first........will aunti then say that "See, she did sabr and eventually found peace in death. Death brings peace."
*****Irrespective of when the abusive husband dies.......I doubt that Allah would punish a woman for leaving her husband if he continuously abuses her. It's not like she left him the first time he struck her. She gave him chances, she endured, she stuck around for the sake of her children when she really shouldn't have (they don't need an abusive father as a role model). Getting divorced without a strong enough reason....and not giving your marriage a chance......is not right. But Allah HAS allowed us an exit out of extreme situations because He has forbidden oppression for HIMSELF and for His servants!
RV, I think she was trying convey that if your husband abuses you...stick it out because eventually Allah swt will reward you for not doing something he dislikes...which is divorce. Her childrens' success was her reward I guess.
Needless to say, after her little story there wasnt a hush mouth in the entire masjid.
Kinzz, I get your point in that thread too. Lekin ek baat samaj nahin aati hai.
Insaan ek dafa thappar khalay...sabr karo...theek hai. Do dafa khalay...shayad thori aur sabr ki zaroorat hai. Lekin baar baar ek aurat pe haat uthana...aur aurat isliye bardasht karay kyun ke usko Allah Tala sawab denge?
Ye sabr to nahin huwa na...
Reha....maine aik bat note ki hai...jo orat aik bar thapar bardasht kar leti hai ya Sabar kar leti hai...phir to karti jati hai...
aur jo cheekhti chilati hai larti hai husband se wo hamesha cheekhti hi rehti hai...phir chahe uska husband usay marna chor de ya nahi...
NOW for your thread...
shayed us orat ke pas koi aur option na ho?? shayed uski apni family itni stablish na ho ke wo divorce leke un ke ooper bhoj ban sake? uske bache chote hoge uska kharch/school...shayed wo sirf bacho ki waja se Sabar kar gaee ho?
i have seeeeen soooo many women jo SIRF bacho ki waja se sabar kar jati hain..ke pata nahi divorce ke bad inke sath koi aur kesa behave kare..atleast father KHUD apne bacho ke sath to sahi hai...i mean yehi BACHE hi hote hain jis ki waja se ORAT SABAR kar jati hai
Talaq is something that is allowed in Islam. Off course that does not mean that people should divorce each other on petty issues but physical abuse should not be taken lightly. There is a hadees where prophet allowed a woman to divorce her husband because the guy had ED problem and could not satisfy her biological needs.
Point is, its a right but should be practiced with maturity and responsibilty. There should be no pride in letting go of that right.
You should have asked the Aunty…then what Punishment did God give to the people who wanted her to remain in this horrific marriage, otherwise they would have wagged their tales that look, this lady left her husband?
I really think this is one of the desi urban legends, because it seems like almost all aunties have the same story about the woman being beaten half to death as an example for sabar), or maybe it was you who posted it Reha..
I dunno. its hard to say. Like I said in the other thread, there are women who put up with such abuse and later their husbands made up for it and treated them well.
Its not fair to make fun of them or mock them because we really don't ever want to be in their shoes. But i do know some of them will advise the younger generation that if there is abuse and stuf, to leave and not have to put up with it. S...I don't know.
I think divorce is something very misunderstood in our community. Yes it is something that is disliked, must be taken very very seriously and should never be rushed into at the slightest disagreement with the spouse BUT at the same time, Islam doesnt say you keep yourself in extreme situations that could put your very life [and possibly the lives of your children] in danger. Thats more like the old Christian mentality where divorce was forbidden and people had to endure whatever came. Not all marriages will work and not all couples will be able to stay together. Islam recognizes this obvious fact and therefore allows for divorce, when no other options exist for the couple to continue living together. Even the companions, who were the best generation of Muslims, had divorces when their marriages didnt work out. Its sad that we have such extreme sides of the spectrum today. Either divorce is so taboo and a woman will literally die before she will ever consider it for the "shame" it will bring her family. Or divorce is hardly any issue and young couples will rush into after just a few months of marriage because they cant learn how to resolve petty differences. Islam is a religion of balance, thats the beauty of in. Even in matters of marriage and divorce, there must be balance and justice
The situations where you forgive your husband and he makes up for it and never does it again is something more like...
You had a heated argument and he threw around some verbally mean comments (not abusive...but maybe he said something not nice).
That kind of stuff.
Most of the time, when a man HITS HARD - I'm talking, like slamming her against the wall, throwing some object at her, causing organ / bone damage, cutting her, slamming her across the face really hard such that it causes an injury (broken nose, etc) - those are NOT the kind of men who do that sort of thing once and never do it again. People who are normally not violent and don't have mental issues would not do such a thing in the first place no matter how out of hand a fight gets. They just don't strike someone in their family, period. It's poor form, and shows bad upbringing.
The men who do hit ONCE - guaranteed, there is a 99% chance they're going to do it again, and again , and again, and will continue doing it as long as you let them. Sure, you can give them a chance for one episode, but honestly, you're not doing anyone a favor staying around the SECOND time he beats you. It's not like he's going to stop.
think if sabr is the answer to everything then why does the concept of justice even exist? ...
someone kills your loved one ... sabr karo?
someone rapes/molests/maims you or your children ... sabr karo?
really?
and do it in the name is Islam ???
can u define sabar ?
The poor woman should be appreciated, she did it for her kids, She could have done something that was better for her but would have hurt her kids future in the long run.
How would she have hurt her kids' future if she left? I know some women who left their husbands because of abuse, and their kids are all attending good colleges (some pretty top notch places), and they're all doing VERY well for themselves. These kids have NO remorse for their moms leaving their dads and have no desire to meet their fathers, after what those men have done.
I don't think LEAVING a situation in which YOUR life and YOUR KIDS' lives are at stake is a bad choice.
In fact, if you DONT LEAVE, and then you or your kids gets seriously hurt physically speaking, I would argue that your choice to stay was pretty ridiculously IRRESPONSIBLE.
How would she have hurt her kids' future if she left? I know some women who left their husbands because of abuse, and their kids are all attending good colleges (some pretty top notch places), and they're all doing VERY well for themselves. These kids have NO remorse for their moms leaving their dads and have no desire to meet their fathers, after what those men have done.
I don't think LEAVING a situation in which YOUR life and YOUR KIDS' lives are at stake is a bad choice.
In fact, if you DONT LEAVE, and then you or your kids gets seriously hurt physically speaking, I would argue that your choice to stay was pretty ridiculously IRRESPONSIBLE.
One way that I can think of is when daughters are involved, mothers would hesitate to get a divorce because that would lessen their daughters' prospects for good rishtas. People will look down on daughters of divorced mothers (that she will not be a good wife like her mother). I don't know how common it is but some people still have this sick mentality.
