At least Im married! *snooty*

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: At least Im married! snooty

Yep, sick indeed.

I dunno. It's not until women in our culture will stop accepting being "Allah mian ki baqri", and start standing up for themselves that these stereotypes will go away. I dont think most men would have issues marrying a girl whose mom is divorced. And that's coming from someone who has a very low opinion of Pakistani men.

22

Well if u divorce ur husband for something petty like he’s not good in bed or something, then yes, you will be questioned on the day of judgement. If he’s beating the hell outta you, you may leave immediately. I know I would… but not before i kick his a$$ :snooty:

23

Success of children is the reward? I dunno, Reha.

  • There is a possibility that children could have also turned out successful if an abused mother chose to separate from her husband. I'm sure there are many such examples.

  • How do we measure "success" here? There's financial success (graduating and having a good job) and then there's emotional success as well. What if these children have the financial success but ... deep down......they're emotionally unstable or insecure because of what their dad did. And sometimes emotional insecurities may not be evident to a mother or some aunti....or other people in the community for that matter.

  • What if the mom thinks that the kids are making great money and have good jobs................but her son gets married in the future and starts beating up his own wife because that's what he had learned.......and expects his wife to tolerate it......because that's what his own mother did. He seemed like a happy and stable kid on the outside.....who knew that his father's poor treatment left such a deep scar on him.

  • Daughter has a good job, is intelligent, makes good money. But she never quite learned to stand up for herself. She's sweet, cooperative.....but a bit of a pushover. She doesn't set boundaries....and this leads her to trouble in her relationships.

***Again, "success" is a broad term. How is it measured?

*
***************The aunti at the masjid said that this particular woman was rewarded for the sabr she showed in enduring her husband's beatings. **But sabr can be shown in various ways. If the woman had separated from her husband........she would have to show **sabr **in making a living on her own, tolerating society's negative remarks, and creating a healthier home environment for her children ON HER OWN. Sabr can be shown in separation as well...and I think the reward of it can still be reaped.

24

ROTFL!!!

Though she should've.

25

I still can't believe the Academy failed to acknowledge that one!

26

Re: At least Im married! snooty

the lady ( aunty ) looking this thing as a islamic point of view so do many people...and many other people looking this thing with other point of view..

27

I was under the impression Islam does allow for both parties to divorce, but I might be mistaken. Can we please get a moulvi or imam to clarify this one, then?

28

Kinzz, so you're saying that we're looking at this issue from "other" point of view. No.

What is Islamic about tolerating zulm? Allah has said in a hadith that he has forbidden zulm upon Himself and upon others.

You have a duty to take care of your body and health because they are a gift from Allah. And there's nothing unislamic about doing that by separating from an abusive husband.

As a parent, you have the responsibility to establish a SAFE and nurturing home for your child..........and there's nothing unIslamic about achieving that through separation from an abusive spouse.

Allah has allowed divorce......because HE knows there can be dire circumstances in a marriage.....and not everyone has the patience to stick it out until their bully of a spouse kicks the bucket. Not everything is black and white in Islam. There could be many factors%

29

Female initiated divorce is known as khula, I believe.

30

RV...im not saying that islam clearly saying zulam saho and its sabar ( nauzbilah )

BUT....if u see my post on first page ..i said some womens dont have any choice...like..

they are NOT educated so they cant live by thier own

they cant go back to thier MAIKA..coz of bhabhis or may be thier parents are no more or poor..

or they think if her husband will leave her...what about the kids? kids life will ruine...

SO they have to do this thing which im calling SABAR.....and trust me i have seen some women in this situation in pakistan...

what you think..if one have a degree ,,rich Maika...why will she still get chapal / thapar from her husband????

31

^ That situation I can understand, Kinzz. Many of us (including myself) have mentioned the above points as reasons to why a woman might feel compelled to suffer an abusive marriage instead of getting a divorce.

But considering a divorce (when the circumstances justify it) is not unislamic, in my opinion.

32

Re: At least Im married! snooty

This is making me mad :grumpy:

quitely leaves thread

33

Re: At least Im married! snooty

okie, good wife gets the reward.

what about the HUSBAND? what kinda punishment is he getting for beating his wife in front of his four children?

ofcourse no parent get their daughter marry so she can test her patience and live as a widow. the moral of the story is not revealed since husbands punishment is not mentioned. if husbands stop beating their wives, then she wont have to live her life as a widow.

34

Re: At least Im married! snooty

I can't beleive some people actually think that a woman should show "sabr" and stay with a man who continually beats the c*r*a*p out of her.

My dad abused my mother both physically and emotionally for 10 years. If I list here all the things he did to her and that I witnessed, you'd have nightmares. It has affected me so deeply that the trauma of those years will stay with me for a lifetime. I'm SO glad my mother left him. Some women stay for their kids...however any child that is old enough to understand what is happening to their mom would NEVER want her to stay with an abuser if they truly love her.

I have to agree with redvelvet...a woman who leaves her abusive husband after enduring so much anguish and has to learn to raise her children ON HER OWN...is showing sabr. A woman who because she is "divorced' no longer has "status" in society and is looked down upon by other backward Pakistanis....shows sabr.

If Islam clearly allows divorce in extreme cases such as abuse, why do people still applaud a woman who stays in that type of marriage? By doing so, she sends a message, that it is ok..and its not.

35

:k:

agree with you that even though divorce is really unlike by ALLAH SWT but the concept exist in Islam for a reason.

36

Re: At least Im married! snooty

My dad who is a great father and the nicest man alive used to hit my mom. This was before I was born, but I came to know of this when I got older. So much so that she would have blood on her face and bruises. She stayed with him for her kids. When my bro's were old enough to know what was going on he stopped and never laid a hand on her again. I should also add that she threatened to leave him and that is when I think it really hit him and he stopped. He is now the most obedient husband ever.

But anyways my point is that she stayed for her kids. Although I would not have blamed her if she wanted to leave, not for a second, not ever, I am so thankful that she didn't and that I have both parents together. To me, it was like she sacrificed her own life for her kids. And there is nothing I can possibly do that can thank her enough. My point is that no Allah would not punish her if she left and there would be nothing wrong with it. But the fact that she sacrificed for her children, I believe she will be rewarded greatly by Allah for that as well, inshallah. But I don't think you can judge a woman for staying and say she is crazy. It's a huge sacrifice, its not easy to move out and live on your own and support your kids on your own.

37

Re: At least Im married! snooty

Semantics, but Allah doesn't like divorce for whimsical reasons. I doubt He has a problem with divorce for justifiable reasons, otherwise He, in His Infinite Wisdom, would not have created the option for us in the first place.

If you want to get all religious about it.

38

Re: At least Im married! snooty

Im not the type of person who would advocate leaving your husband for whimsical reasons but physical abuse? Come on Aunti...

39

Re: At least Im married! snooty

Kisi ne Aunti jee se pucha k what IF? you know further discussion on divorce?

Aunti ko sab bad-dua deray hain bilawaja. koi aur kaam nahin hai?

40

Re: At least Im married! snooty

Dat's why we call 'em 'ches "Aunties".

Dats how we roll.