asking for something.

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Umer

I have had many relatives stay at my place. Cousins, uncles, etc but if its some distant relative I barely know, or worse some relatives' relative then it's just odd.

I know ppl who do this. I just can't.

22

Re: asking for something.

So umm X2, after you pick me up from the airport, can we drop off my laptop with Umer cause it needs some fixing, and then pop over to Reha's for dinner. And thanks for preparing the guest room for me. Very kind.

23

Sure, no problem.

I will just need to stop to pick up some Rohypnole on the way back.

24

Re: asking for something.

<33333

25

Re: asking for something.

That's what YOU know. But others feel it is very blunt and not good etiquettes to be asking for a favour like that over an email or a text. Calling shows courtesy.

26

Not when the person being asked indicates it is easier to just communicate over email. At that point insisting on having a conversation is anything but courteous.

27

Re: asking for something.

Unless they are asking YOU to call them for something they need, that is wrong. but if they call you, and want to talk to you, I don't find anything wrong with that tbh. :) i am just talking about THIS aspect of it. What they ask you and how unreasonable it is, that is definitely a whole new different matter on its own.

28

if I state that I am traveling or am busy at a conference, or its difficult for me to talk and just to let me know how I can be of service then calling me at all odd hours, or insisting that they talk to me is quite inappropriate.

29

Re: asking for something.

That's really nice. You guys are close and it seems like you don't mind at all.

For us, I think unless its really immediate family...again my sisters or parents...I don't want to stay at a relative's place. I feel bad intruding, upsetting schedules, making them uncomfortable, me uncomfortable for making them uncomfortable, khatirein karwana, etc. Plus, space is good.

30

Re: asking for something.

And do pass his number to me - will think up something to ask of him.

Thanks in advance.

31

Re: asking for something.

Hmmm waisay tou kabhi yaad nahi kartay par kaam parnay par rishtay daari yaad aa jaati hai.

32

Re: asking for something.

bwaahahahaaahahahahahahahahaaha:

At least it’s not sildenafil. :lifey:

33

Re: asking for something.

So…can I have yo numbassssss

Oh…

wait…

:chai:

34

Re: asking for something.

My parents were in the same boat since we were KHI and my father was a GM in aviation. people asked him for similar favors…picking up, or dropping off, staying at our house, staying for lunch, dinner or breakfast. My mother and father both greet them humbly and respect them…doestn’t matter whether they were poor or rich…relatives or no relatives…orphans or no orphans…pakistani or no pakistani.

I dont want to exaggerate but my parents never ever said anything…even though cuz these uncalled mehman-nawazi wont let us do anything as a family.

any now when I look back, I see my parent living in canada, with all the blessings of Allah SWT. their kids granted the best education, and now their kids have resources to help the people.

ps. my kanjoos and not really nice relatives are still in the same place where they were 30 yrs ago.

ps2. guests are rehmet, and its kind a like sadqa jaria. though i read this on fb: http://sphotos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/564826_447659228605560_1926373865_n.jpg

35

Re: asking for something.

I just dont get it why you agree helping people in the first place when you know they will take you for granted.

I used to have few so called friends like these, would get a call from them during office timing with a request of me to come to their home to see them for something important, i used to rush right after office thinking there must be something important, but when i reach their at first they would make me wait cause i just showed up without letting them know i am coming and then would talk about stupid things like they want to go on a party where there fiance will also come which dress to wear and then will tell the real thing that they need to buy jewelry or something (gift) to give their fiance and want to go with me cause their mothers wont allow them to go alone, or they need me to come up with ideas to plan things for them, etc etc. It was soooooooo frustrating for me i did helped them out a lot of time for old time sake as we were good friends, but i felt as if i am not a friend just a need for them. I got very upset with them the time they knew my mother was seriously ill and they dint even call to ask about her. After that i gave them a clear edge that i am no longer willing to continue this so called friendship and told almost everyone that not to bother waiting for me to come and help them out in any way, few weeks they tried to stay in contact thinking i will cool down. After that they made comments about me that i care for my job and money is everything for me, but i dint mind. The best part is that after seeing my reaction with them everyone got the idea of being extra careful when it comes to talking with me regarding any request.

36

Re: asking for something.

You know something i have mobile with dual sim, only one sim stays active at a time, i give the number which i keep less active to others and the other to my family and close friends this way i never get trouble the time i am in office, and when someone ask me that they cant reach call me because my number is is not active i tell them that we have signal problems in office, or in office we are not allowed to keep mobiles with us, just leave me a msg and will chk the time i am home :dannyboy:

and regarding people saying your bad for not helping them out, its really not a big thing, the way i see it these people are selfish they do ask for favors but never give favors the way they ask and its great to give them a good edge, your earning wont be stop nor it will have any big affect on your life if they start calling u bad. Soon they will find some other fool to help them out.

I think ur single right now, so your able to manage things for other people, once you get married the biggest problem you will face is ur wife being frustrated with you being servant of others. My brother was same like you. He just dint knew how to refuse others and would have these silly thought that everyone will get angry with him, etc etc, his wife in the start dint mind much as she felt its okay to help others but then :asa:,
:cb: you know what i mean o and i backed her up a lot to fix him up. But the best part is that now he is living a life for his family rather than living for the whole neighborhood. Helping someone in real need is a good thing but helping those who dont care about you and have no shame in asking again and again despite of knowing ur busy, is one big mistake.

Yeh Dunya Bari zalim hay na hastay:omg: howee ko jeenay dayti hay na :crying:roty howee ko

stop thinking about what people would say and keep a good judgement of what and what not to do :biggthumb:

37

Re: asking for something.

nope, married happily

I dont really care about what people would say, way beyond that point. Just checking to see if others had faced similar challenges. early on I got cornered a couple of times, but then i figured out what was going on and took a step back.

begum and I learnt early on, as soon as we moved to a place ppl wanted to visit, the influx of guests increased, and it would be one thing if they were close family coming to see us or just to do sight seeing, no issues but when ppl we are not close to us started calling us up that they wanted to come see us and then we realized, we were just bead and breakfast, and that was killing our plans for long weekends, we just broke out of that. if someone from her side called, she would say that we were out to see someone from my family and vice versa. One person who had called for his friends kids..I use the term loosely since they were medical grads in mid twenties... to stay at my apartment. we told them we were not going to be in town, and then were asked why dont we leave the key to the house for these people. finally she had to tell the uncle that I would not be okay with people I did not know staying at my place especially when i was not there.

growing up, i saw my folks host people all the time, some who were in town looking for work, others while they moved out of a place and were figuring out where to move. often it meant that living room was closed off as a bedroom, dinging room was dining/store room, we had zero time as a family etc etc. begum hd same experience with one time n entire tableeghi jamaat in her parent's basement. We just decided that we cant do that.

as someone says, mehmaan are a rehmaat, indeed. But some dude who just wants bed and breakfast and free taxi service is really not a mehman. ppl close of me, cousins, friends, family friends..my home is always open to them.

38

Re: asking for something.

I strongly wish my dad was like your dad but unfortunately for him, relatives are always first, no matter how selfish they're and he still loves them. I hate them and there are some obvious reasons for this hatred.

39

Re: asking for something.

I aree with you. Wy these relatives always want your number when they need you but never ever answer their phones/reply e-mails when you need them? I was always a person who cannot see anybody sad chahay woh mangnay walay he kyon na hon. My hubby was so irritated that whenever we used to go out in Pakistan, I'll always give money too the kids/beggers. I would still love to help/assist in anyway I can if the person really needs.
I'm being selfish here but I don't want these type of people in my life who never appreciate you and your help for them. These thoughts are from experience and unfortunately it has happened from dad's siblings so BIG NO, I'm not helping "them" anymore financially or emotionally.

40

Re: asking for something.

A long time ago, an elder poor relative came from our home village to stay in our house. My baba had brought a new television for himself so he finally managed to convince my mom that he should give the old one (still very expensive & in good condition) to that poor relative. TV those days were not easy to afford. My baba expected him to be really excited, because he was a very poor man. Guess what did he reply when baba gave it to him.

"Apney liye naya TV aur merey liye puraana ?!?!"

(It was not meant as a joke. His tone was serious, clearly showing that he was disappointed in baba's such a low act)