Ok, i know it’s really important to have an education…most asians living abroad have probably heard stories from their parents about how hard they worked to move to a foreign, better country…their countless sacrifices and hardships…all so that their future kids wud have greater opportunities and so on…
But y is it that some of our parents think that a peson has no or little value if without any extended education? I know there r some that say to their kids, go get a job…rite out of school…and i don’t agree with that (unless they have huge financial burdens)…but y with other parents, for example is it a prerequisite BEFORE marriage, for both their sons and daughters?
I believe u shud obtain a degree if u can, but i also think it can be done AFTER marriage also…especially, for girls…cos i can see how a guy without a degree, will have a hard time getting rishtas…but wot if there is a girl and she knows she won’t work after getting married or her in-laws don’t want her to work…but her own parents tell her to finish school first, then get married? And, i’m not talking about age or maturity level here…just wud like some views about y u guys think that our (asian) parents have this thinking mostly…cos i don’t see how marriage can stop u from going to uni, if that’s wot u and ur future spouse have planned. Wot r ur thoughts?
This is my personal opinion i dont know whether u or anybody agrees with that but this is wat i think.
I did not completed my HSC and i started working.my mom was against this she never wanted me to work.i started from a reception job and now i am a graduate doing MBA working as an officer(where i dotn want to mention)but i dont want to continue my job after getting married.wat i really think is that working fo r aguy is essential i am a self made person so i hate those guys who just take everything forgranted because they dont know the responsibilities.A person when starts working can understand the value of money and other things.
finishing the study before getting married is essentila for a girl.I have seen things in my life and my mothers' point of view is that after getting married it is quiet difficult to continue ur studies.there r very few people who allow their wives to continue studies.and second thing is that once u get the degree u know that its not going to be wasted.if sopmething bad will happen this degree is definitly going to work.or u can simply utilise it in other ways.
Its best to complete your education before marriage, there might be some hurdles which wont allow a girl esp. to go to university or work after marriage. One of my friends got married in 2nd semester of MBA she didnt leave the university, but contined, as her husband and his family promised her parents that she'll complete the degree. But how she did it is another story, she had so much pressure, from her inlaws to do the housework and from university to submit her assignments on time. She had 2 miscarriages in 2 years. And she couldnt plan to have the baby after the degree, because of pressure from her mother in law. Life isnt sweet always. Its best that you complete education, when you're at your parents house, cuz the parents are the only ones who care about you. Married life isnt much fun.
And for boys I am also of the opinion that they should complete and be able to support a family before they get married.
It's definetly best to complete your education before marriage for one or more of the following reasons;
Your hubby might be a prick
*If he isn't his parents might be
*If they aren't then you'll have jealous jetani or devrani or devar or jet who meddle and are as bad as both above combined
*When you're younger you're going with the flow, you have you friends, it's more social than academic. You have your fun and get your qualification too
*After marriage, you have to prioritise whether you want a kid, you want a degree, you want to invest in a house or a qualfication....everything fuzzes up.
*Once you have the knowledge, like hix said it stays with you. You can always use it whenever...
*It can never be a bad thing. Go for it :)
It's possible, I know someone who did her undergrad, masters, AND phd after she got married. While she had young children. Lots of good time management required though and it's very demanding. I don't think most people can manage it, and women in our culture generally have more "responsibilities" around the house and with children, men don't have to picth in much.
There are parents who tell thier daughter to get an education coz it will make her more “valuable” come rishta-search time, they’ll value the educated woman over the unparh but she wn’t work as is usually the case. There are those who want their daughters to be prepared, for whatever might happen (as DD said, idiot hubby/inlaws).
I do think it’s important to have an education, it’s the issue of y can’t some Asian parents see that it can be done before or after marriage…one of my cousins and her husband were students when they got married and have a son rite now, and r still studying…i never said i think it will be easy…it’s different for every couple then i guess…personally, i have a hard time studying in my parents house…initially, my fiance and i had planned to finish studies while we were married, and i always looked forward to studying with him…i was miserable at home, with too many family problems…well, that was before his Mum got sick and now i know we will all live together…and he’s finished school cos my Mum wudn’t let us get married otherwise …his parents don’t mind if i finish school or not…they wud like it if i did…but they r really nice about it…but they think that if u don’t work after getting a degree, then y bother getting it…besides all the in-law stuff, i do want to do it for myself bcos i have 3 puphos and 2 of them didn’t have husbands, from when their kids were very young…so i know how hard their lives have been as single mothers…even though i don’t wanna think negative, i know that’s it’s good to have it as a back up…even if u never get to use it, it’s there as a safety net…and my Mum says, if i am educated then i can help my new family out even more…by bringing in a better income…which is fine with me…i don’t mind studying, and then working even after marriage…and my fiance and i have already discussed how and when we will go to school and who will stay at home at wot times…we don’t see any problems cos we know we have it sorted between us, that’s wot matters…but my parents had always insisted that i stop taking a break and finish before marriage…but i told them, i will get the degree, just in my own way, my own time…i just don’t see y some parents can’t be more open-minded and see that times have changed and today’s generation is fully capable of being working/studying mums and dads, husbands and wives…only when they see someone else’s son/daughter doing well, studying and working after marriage will they say, oh it is possible…they never want to believe their own kids…sorry, it pisses me off…sometimes, just sometimes, we mite actually know wot’s best for us more than they do.
I know of ppl who have similar situations too and i agree it’s very demanding…but i think if u have to do it or that’s how u want to go about it, then u shud go for it…but i think a lot of ppl can actually manage it…it depends on the couple, and how well they can handle it…and i know i won’t have the problem with my man pitching in around the house…he doesn’t believe it’s just a woman’s job…rite now, since his Mum is sick/disabled, he does most of the cooking/cleaning along with his brother…so if we r both working/studying after the wedding, then it’s clear we r in the same boat, therefore we will share all the resposibilities.
Wot have the in-laws got to do with ur education…if it’s all good between the couple then i think there’s nothing wrong with going for it after too…maybe ur talking about in-laws who have very backward type of views…my fiance’s own sister completed her education after she got married, it wasn’t easy but she was happy…it’s not easy for everyone to finish school before the wedding either…and in my case, we have prioritised everything before the wedding, so there will be no fuzzing up…maybe wot ur saying is better for couples who don’t know each other before i.e. arranged
Well if u don’t know each other, have no planning and don’t know wot ur in-laws r like then, u may have hurdles…otherwise, all those things can be discussed and planned before hand…it’s sad wot happened to ur friend…but my future MIL knows already that we r planning to finish school afterwards…and lolz, ppl on this forum always make out in-laws to be some sort of monsters! Some ppl really do love n care about each other in their new families, even in arranged marriages…my cousin in Pakistan got married last yr, it was arranged and her MIL has no problem with her studying…and they even have a daughter now…she is very loved, cared for and happy…i don’t think anyone thinks that life is always sweet, that wud be naive…it has its ups and downs…and i believe it’s wot u make of it, so married life can be fun, if u want it to be
Nope my dear… you have to jump in the pool to get wet..
And i didnt have any problem with my mother in law from the day 1, I went to that family, left mine thinking that i would be living there, you dont make your life a mess yourself.
Very true, there are susrals who care about their daughter in laws, mine is not one of them. If i say anythign about married life being tough, I speak from my experience…
I dont go talking about my inlaws in public. I just post here because this world is not real. People here dont know about me.
You dont know what i went through. So dont say that i make a big deal out of it.
I wish you well, and hope that you dont face any difficulties after your marriage.
I knew someone wud tell me that i wud have to be married to know wot it’s really like…fair enough…i’m sorry that ur in-laws give u a hard time, i was actually referring to wot u said about ur friend…i had no idea u had a tough time (or did u mean urself?)…anyway, ur rite…i don’t know wot u have gone thru…and i understand ur view completely if ur speaking about in-laws who treat their daughter-in-law bad…i guess it can go both ways…thank u for wishes, and i sincerely hope things don’t get any worse for u, only better
Is it possible for you to at least earn one minimal degree, like a bachelors, before marriage? Then you can aim for higher degrees after marriage, if you can't wait. At least if anything you'll have a bachelors to fall back on. Or are u in high school?
the girl's first duty is towards her hubby...yeh educaton waghaira tou baad ki batein hain..so concentrate on that first..follow my advce and u will be forever be happy..
No no i’m not in High school…but i left college for personal and financial reasons…if i wait to get a degree (which will take a while)…then in my eyes, i will be too old to get married…plus, i don’t wana wait any longer…i’ve been in this relationship for almost five yrs now and about 2 yrs long distance…it’s really hard for us…plus, my parents asked me, pretend as if u do have a degree…then wot wud u want to do with ur life next? I told them, get married (cos i know, like it or not, oneday i will have to)…so that’s when i told them about the guy…that was 2 yrs ago…last yr we got officially engaged, and the wedding will Inshallah be sometime next yr…now finally they see that i will be getting married no matter wot obviously (before they were in denial i guess), so they don’t tell me to finish school…just to keep at it, and finish it after marriage too…but i just started this thread, bcos i remembered how hard it was for me to convince them that it IS possible to do after marriage also…after they heard of other couples managing it, they r less worried i suppose…but sigh i was just asking y this issue is so hard for Asian parents…i know a lot of other young ppl go thru similar situations so i was just looking for some answers or thoughts about these type of scenarios.
That won’t be a problem…besides he wants me to finish also…we’ll both be studying actually…i’ll follow ur advice hehe…but tell me, r u even married/were married, that ur giving me advice? Just curious
There are those who want their daughters to be prepared, for whatever might happen (as DD said, idiot hubby/inlaws). 
