As parents..

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How would you react if your child came to you and said that they liked someone? Would your reaction differ depending on if its a son or a daughter?

2

Re: As parents..

no - I would ask them who it is.

3

Re: As parents..

i have both a son and daughter mashallah, the same rules would apply to both. if they said they liked someone but never interacted with the person they liked, then i would take the proposal for my son to the girls house. However, in my daughters situation, i would tell her to wait and let the boy come and ask for rishta thats if he likes her as well because we as girls family cant go around asking for the rishta

so same reaction to son and daughter

4

Re: As parents..

just the procedure would vary

5

Re: As parents..

^ How would it?

Another question, some of you who would have different reactions when it came to a son telling you or a daughter then could you guys please admit it? :D

6

Re: As parents..

You do what is most appropriate in both cases. If it is your son, you go 'thats my boy'. And if it is your daughter, you lock her in her bedroom and ground her for a month. If she is above the age of 15, you marry her off.

7

Re: As parents..

no jaanwar, thats no necessarily true, because if the girl just said that i like such boy but has never interacted or spoken to that guy then that would be ok because she is just expressing who she would like to marry
then I as a parent would be ok with that

however, if she wants to marry her bf then I would be like NO never because that guy wouldnt be decent who led her astray because if he actually was decent then he wouldve sent his rishta down through his parents

same goes for the boy, if he said he wanted to marry his gf then I would be like, NO WAY, because the girl is not decent enough to be my DIL and I would tell my son that she can not be my daughter in law

so same rules apply irrespective of whether you are dealing with your son or daughter

hope im making sense

8

Re: As parents..

everyones approach is different

9

Re: As parents..

No offence, but why assume that the bf/gf are the bad evil charactered one. It is very possible that your kids are the ones that approached the other person first and asked them to go into a relationship.

Which brings me to the next point. Why assume that something haram and forbidden has happened during the "dating" time period. If the kids have been raised right, then they would know what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable while one is seeking out a spouse. Some level of trust has to be in kids otherwise they will not trust the parents.

As for saying "mommy daddy I want to marry this boy/girl that I have only seen and not interacted with" is such a bollywood thing. How is that any different from the rishta process? You have to meet the person, you have to talk to the person, you have to interact with them to find out exactly how they are and if indeed they can make a good spouse. Looks don't always equal a good personality.

10

Re: As parents..

Reply to murgis last paragraph

actually it has happened in many cases where the boy said that he would like to marry a girl without getting to know her and seeing if they are a good spouse

btw no matter how often you speak to a person or get to know that person, like for a week, 2 years or even 10 years, you will never actually know what that person is like unless you start living with that person as husband wife

because I've seen an incident where the guy and girl were dating for like 10 years and thought they knew each other inside out but when they started living together like after a month, they were like omg u changed and infact they realised that although spending 10 years together they only started getting to know each other after marriage

so getting to know each other before asking for the rishta is sooonot right or not helpful either

11

Re: As parents..

This. There's an Indian girl in my program who's "dating", for lack of a better word, a Pakistani guy. I've never seen them making out or anything but I know they are together and like each other. Although I can't be sure, I'm relatively confident that there is nothing physical going on and they're probably waiting until after school to get married. People get attracted, it happens. If you raised your kids right, they will set their own boundaries otherwise, pretty soon, it will be out of your control anyways so just focus on teaching them your values (I said "your" because everyone's are different) and monitor their habits when they're young but past a certain age, you really have to back off a little.

12

Re: As parents..

Boy or girl, I would react the same way. the both deserve the same boundaries n limitations. I would most probably talk to them n discuss further onwards.

13

Re: As parents..

14

Re: As parents..

If someone told me they wanted to marry someone without ever even speaking to them or knowing them, I'd be seriously concerned. Can't for the life of me figure out why tha'ts a good thing.

15

Re: As parents..

I would talk to my kid. I think problems arise when parents and kids don't communicate with one another. I teach at an Islamic school and some parents are so rigid about their child even sitting next to a student of the opposite sex....they flip out if a book contains the word "boy/girlfriend." I think it's extreme....and I think it's not possible to shield your kid from everything....and I think over-protection is not healthy as it has the potential to backfire big-time....and I also think that the views some parents have just don't reflect a reasonable understanding of human nature in general. I mean...it's is natural for one to develop a crush/attraction, etc. While the students in my class ....being that they are in a more conservative school environment....are not very expressive about their crushes.......I can still sense who has a crush on who...and I'm often right about my hunches. I don't think it's shameful...I think it's human nature. And while I don't have kids of my own yet....I hope that I can be reasonable about the issue when I do have kids....and not treat the matter like it's a shameful thing...especially if I have a daughter. You can encourage healthy communication with your kids....and still bring Islam into it.

16

Re: As parents..

I would grab my purse,a box of donuts and go ask for rishta :D

17

Re: As parents..

I would try to throw my kids into the dryer hoping to shrink them back into babies…:naak:

18

Re: As parents..

:rotfl:

Copy cat! (signature too) :stuck_out_tongue:

To both girl or boy you ask what is the matter and be cool.

Just liking someone is not a problem, hopefully with good sensible household rules they will know what is right and what is not appropriate.

19

Re: As parents..

I would go awwwwww cooochie coochie :wub:

Seriously.

I’d hope and pray the guy is a nice, sensible, mature and can take care of my daughter. I’d like to meet, and give my blessings.

20

Re: As parents..

First I'll cal my wife and tell her "ajee suntee ho, munna bara ho gaya hai"