Hello, my name is Crystle (for this forum), and I am a 16 year old mixed Pakistani, who has been arranged to marry a 20 year old cousin (marrying a cousin!?) back in pakistan, and I am not really fine with it. The arrangement stems from my aunt, who was ill (she thought it would be fatal) and who wanted someone from my side of my family to marry into hers, and me being the only daughter in their teens, they chose me. I feel kind of disturbed they chose this for me without even asking me, but they did. It's pretty much a done deal now, and I've only met my cousin a few times, who I can tell really likes me, and probably has no objection to this marriage. One of my big objections is after the marriage I will have to move to Pakistan, and I have a friend who tells me my very appearance, light-skinned and red hair and blue eyes, would cause issues over there, and if that's the case, I def. wouldn't want to move there. I really don't know what to do. Do I accept or refuse? What do you think is the best option?
Crystle, your red hair/blue eyes are a minor issue compared to the issue of marriage. Yes, since red hair and blues eyes are not common among the desi population, you are likely to receive more attention for the rarity.
Do you accept or refuse? Well, I'm confused because you said that your marriage has already been arranged. That seems to imply that you weren't give much choice in the matter. But if you have been given a choice, and you don't want to get married, then please refuse. Illness or no illness one should not force an undesired marriage on anyone. And your aunt, as you said, has learned that her illness is not fatal. And this changes things**.
Reading your post, I get the vibe that you don't want to get married. And if that's true, I say **refuse the match. You are sixteen, you're a teenager, now is the time where you should be carefree and having fun....not weighed down with the responsibilities of marriage. And moving to Pakistan will be a major lifestyle change in itself let alone getting married.
On the other hand, if you like your cousin but feel like you're not ready for a marriage, then you can consider an engagement for now and delay your marriage until much later.
i have a friend who got married at 16 to a cousin and is happy. I have a friend who got married at 18 to a cousin and she was miserable. Everyone is different. You know yourself better than we do. And if you do not want to get married...............YOU SAY NO. Forced marriages are not considered valid in Islam and nor is a marriage contract valid without the consent of the guy and the girl. You have the ultimate say in this decision (not your parents).
I am amazed at the selfishness of your aunt and your parents. She only thought about the security of her son.......and never thought about your personal wishes, how young you are, and how your life would change dramatically by moving to Pakistan. Regardless of what you your aunt thinks (and I'm glad her illness is no longer fatal)................**YOU PARENTS **should at least support you and think about your well-being here.
If you don't want this, please say no. Don't fall for the emotional blackmail. You are not an adult. You're 16. Enjoy being a teen. Enjoy spending time with your friends. Graduate high school. Go to college. Find out who you are as a person. Marriage is huge responsibility that changes everything.
************ Your aunt might be very well be a nice woman, but something about her seems shady to me and I don't trust her. I'm more surprised at your parents. Although if early marriages are a tradition in your family, that's another issue.