Any of you married people out there got married even though your heart wasn’t into it at the time and later found happiness with the same person. Just need a bit more motivation…hoping to find happiness at the end of the tunnel…
Common share your experiences…
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are you going thru compromise phase, dear??
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I'd like to say have faith and believe in Kismet, God's Plan, but realistically I couldn't marry someone I didn't really talk to first and get to know. Then if I didn't have my heart in it, I'd have to follow my gut. Something has to click and feel right. Your heart has to skip a beat. You have to feel like it's just meant to be. But maybe that's just me. Perhaps others can find long term happiness without all these feelings. Everyone finds something different in a relationship.
Re: Arranged Marriages....
yes i agree with saimanyc. zash01.. this is "marriage".. for most part of our culture,, this is till death do us part! u know u cant pull out of it like u can from a bf-gf relationship. if you're having second thoughts, you should talk to someone before you take the plunge.... this is a selfish world.... it could be ur perfect fantasy, but it could also be your living nightmare..! hope is good when it's real.. what is it that's bothering you anyways?
like are you being forced? or uve a dislike for the guy just because?? or u truly dislike him and can never imagine urself putting up with him... if the case is severe, DON'T jump into it. give it thought and time :)
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To put it bluntly ...if your potential partner aint a ugly duckling sooner or later you guys will become accostomed to one another and eventually fall in love...!!
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^not always case sometimes it can be the complete opposite.
zash....arranged marriages may or may not work out.....the same holds true for love marriages. Either way....you have to go into the marriage with an open mind and be ready to make some sacrifices and compromises.
Best of Luck
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Arranged marriage is nothing but compromise. It's forced love.
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What exactly about him is it that bothers you? If its something serious and you have a bad feeling about it, talk to your parents NOW. Pull out before its too late. If its just simple doubts, I suggest you make it a point to be able to communicate with your Fiancee or whoever he is. Get to know him a little and feel it out, if you still have doubts, then make it clear you can't go through with this. Yes love marriages are a gamble too, but why start out with something you already have doubts about
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Arranged marriage is nothing but compromise. It's forced love.
several years down the road....... love marriages can end up that way as well.
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^^ Thats true. Some of them do and a lot of them don't. But with Arranged marriages, all of them are forced love.
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arranged or personally made relationships with people can both prove to be varied in their outcomes.
i've come to the conclusion that people from Pakistani Islamic background in abroad are trying to cling to the old ways of imposing a person on their daughters or sons and then they suffer because the person they saw will be perfect, turns out to be imperfect.
my suggestion - in arranged marriages, people must get to know each other at least for 6 - 10 months before they marry.
people who make decisions under pressures from their families are always miserable.
guys we dont deserve this, do we?
cheers!
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I can't say anything but I think it is best to be positive and take whatever happens with will of ALLAH ji...
Remember to pray
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love or arranged either way men are dogs dun gt married
lolz
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i have started hating marriages :D
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^^ Thats true. Some of them do and a lot of them don't. But with Arranged marriages, all of them are forced love.
some couples who have had an arranged marriage can end up falling in love with each other. I've personally seen that happen with some couples. So saying that ALL ends up that way is a generalization...no?
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I agree with Angel Eyes. I have seen some aranged marriages end up great....the couple got to know each other and develop understanding and love each other. Love or arranged, you are gonna have to compromise somewhere. I also know 1 couple in particular, who went to school together, fell in love and fought so hard to be together. The guy's family hated the girl from the beginning for being non-paki and not gori enough....she was hydro..i think that's BS reason not to like someone. Really I think the guy's mother felt threatened or something cuz her poor helpless son was being taken away from her...etc...
anyways after finally getting married, their life is a miserable hell...becuz mother makes girl's life heck (which was bound to happen) and the guy doesnt take his wife's side when mother is wrong...
so their are sooooo many factors!
Just see how you feel about the family...specifically the guy....
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if u know that the other family is good and naik, and you cant find any obvious issue after meeting the person, make istakhara and then go with the feeling. Make sincere dua and inshallah you will get the best. In my case, alhamdulillah things worked out.. After nikah Allah mian puts love in your hearts. Also nothing is perfect but things improve dramatically with time.
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several years down the road....... love marriages can end up that way as well.
Couldn't agree with you more. These days there are is no difference between arranged or love marriage since the sad end result of the former is rapidly catching up to the latter.
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Hmm thankx guys
I guess the problem is that well we didn't get to know eachother before hand and now that I have been nikahed (without rukhsati...) I just have a gut feeling, and I guess i kind of feel bad to break a nikah in the form of talaq just for a gut feeling. I have heard that after five years of marriage its all the same and nothing you felt before you get married really counts. I don't know but if i am honest with him about the situtation I have to make both of our families look bad as i feel that both families kind of lied to me and i don't want to do any finger pointing....to anyone
Please pray for me..............
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arranged = found on your own may or may not be a gamble.
it seriously depends on your own ability to tell who is who and whether they are truly wanting to have a life partner or an option that they can make an attempt to drop any moment together with breaking their fake ignoble self image in the eyes of someone who could very well be there good companion.
Dushwari