Does love always develop after an arranged marraige? To anyone here who has had an arranged marriage OR who knows someone very close to them who had one, how did u adjust to living with a stranger afterwards? How long did it take before u did adjust to living with him/her? Was it difficult living with a stranger(even though you’re married to him/her) whose interests/habits may be totally different than your own?
Re: Arranged Marriages
ok....1st off im not married.....but i hve lots of friends who are married and relatives 2.....but the best marriage mashallah.....is that of my nxt door neighbour....she's muslim and her marriage was arranged too....she got married when she was 16yrs old and mashallah she has now been married for 13yrs mashallah and she didnt knw her husband by da way he was her cousin....so now they hve 4 beautiful kids.....
anyway she didnt knw her husband b4 she got married except for the fact that he was her cousin......or moral of her story is that love eventually develops in a marriage....whether it be arranged for be it a love marriage.......
i guess wat im trying to say is that......it was in ur naseeb ur kismat to get married to that person and u hve to love them ......ok if not at 1st sight, but love grows as the days goes on and then one day u realise how much u love ur husband/wife......and u wud think wat wud u do without them,,,,,Allah forbid it happen.......and u love them warts and all......
but wat is the basis of a marriage and any realtionship....be it family (mother/daughter,father/son, brother/sister), or friendship....there has to be a foundation on which to build ur realtionship on and they are:
Trust
Communication
Understanding
Respect
Listening
Just Being There
there may be more.......
but if u do all of these u wont go far wrong with ur marriage and u will not only end up Loving ur husband/wife,,,,,,,but u will end up hve a best friend and u hve to remember u hve to love with this person for the rest of ur life.....inshallah......
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See....the thing I worry about is that how do u know that she's happy? Just b/c she's been married for 16 years that doesn't guarantee that she's happy in the marriage.
My parents have been married 25 years.....and I can tell u 100% for sure that it's not a happy marriage. My mom is very unhappy and I'm pretty sure my dad isn't all that excited to be in this marriage himself. But of course, thanks to having 3 kids, and being a desi, they'll stay married until death separates them.
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Marriage is about arguments and working things out. You don't celebrate 'Honey moon' your entire life. If your parents have arguments they also make up too, just like you do when you argue with other people. I am not against arrange marriage but, I would say that Pakistani kids should start going for girls/boys of their choice.
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okay a good marriage requires
1) sincerety
2)tolerance
3)love and respect for each other
it does not require arrange or love kinda or the years adding up.
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I have an arranged marriage and we are really happy happier than I ever imagined I could be. I sometimes find myself wondering if this honeymoon period will ever end, not that I want it to. Quite the opposite! I'm enjoying every minute.
It took me quite a long time to get used to my husband in fact I didn't even like him very much in the beginning.
But he showed me so much love and respect that he won me over. I wouldn't be without him now.The fact that I had an unhappy childhood and didn't get on at all with my own family probably has a lot to do with it.
He was my second cousin and his family were really nice, that helped a lot. They nicknamed me Shehzadi and it stuck. To this day my sis in law doesnt call me bhabi or anything else except Shehzadi. He also calls me that.
You have to work at any marriage whether its love or arranged theres always some adjustments you have to make.
No, love doesn't always develop in arranged marriages but in my case it did and I'm so glad.
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Wow Tabussum.. well said !
The first year is usually adjustment disorder in most of the cases BUT with time things get better. Love is a small plant that grows slowly and gradually. The better you take care of it, the better and stronger it grows ....
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nice one…:k:
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personal attack!
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^^ahaan.......i always wonder how they adjust to this situation.........and also is the kissing better ?:p
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the part about kissing your cousin always freaks me out!! i'm not related to my fiance so thank god i don't have to think about going through that.
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Ladies and gentlemen, that’s why those of us from our generation who’re planning to have arranged marriages should not have children until you know whether or now you are going to be happy with the person you’ve married.
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very well said…why bring kids into a situation where no one is happy?
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How is that a personal attack funguy. It was as straight forward question...
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First part is that what we mean by happiness. So some people, living a careless life where they could spend their whole life in Hulla gulla is a happy life. Some people want certain objectives in life and if they achieve those, they are happy. Happiness is all that depends upon your criteria of life and these criteria can we very well opposite to those held by another person. So we cannot deduce that is someone is not living his/her life by our criteria , that person is not happy.
Second, thing is that knowing someone before marriage does not guarantee a happy marriage. It depends upon what aspects have you been able to know about a person. Regarding your parents, I guess they are a successful couple but they are not looking at the positive aspects of their marriage. They are not accepting it. I am not sure about why it is not a happy marriage as I don;t know anything further than this. So my comments might be limited in this aspect.
Regarding your original question, I am not married yet but soon I’ll be. I personally have learned, after a few experiences in my life that real love is what grows gradually in your life, through mutual understanding, mutual respect, care, concern, facing troubles and good times together, achieving important life milestones together, helping each other in gettting along with life and in doing so, a feeling of belonging develops that is so strong. I am a firm believer that “love develops over a period of time and yes, it can 100 % even after marriage” Only thing is we need to know the principles of making it successful.
I agree with Shararti Bachi. She has written all good comments. I believe the real love is the one that develops after marriage because the way we look at things outside marriage, being in a relationship, things are not the same when we are in a real marriage relation. Most of the times, it is just our own comfort with the person that compells us to believe that knowing the person before marriage is “absolutely necessary”. There are only certain key issues we need to be sure about, rest is all compromise in a marriage and for that, loon loong relationships are not necessary.
I’ll add more later.
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I disagree. Life is not a mathematical game like you presume it is. A person is learning till the day he/she dies. Even we cannot know ourselves, the only being to know us and our hearts is Allah(SWT). **I’ll say, don’t even marry if you think that you are not able to understand its committments…it is not a business where you can calculate it down to the last digit … **
May Allah bless your marriage. Pray for me too. I have the same unhappy childhood experiences and am in the same kinda situation as you could be. All I yearn for is a happy life afterwards a life filled with happiness. Not sure if the other person will be able to do that for me 
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[quote=“~tabussum~”]
I have an arranged marriage and we are really happy happier than I ever imagined I could be. I sometimes find myself wondering if this honeymoon period will ever end, not that I want it to. Quite the opposite! I’m enjoying every minute.
It took me quite a long time to get used to my husband in fact I didn’t even like him very much in the beginning.
But he showed me so much love and respect that he won me over. I wouldn’t be without him now.The fact that I had an unhappy childhood and didn’t get on at all with my own family probably has a lot to do with it.
Wow, almost the exact same thing happened to me. I hated my husband in the beginning. My parents arranged the marriage and guilted me into it. He was also my second cousin. I used to make him so miserable in the first few months, but he never complained and tolerated me even more and was always so sweet. After a few more months, I realized that I was just being an idiot, and now we are so so happy 
and I can’t imagine my life without him!
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Thanks a lot to everyone who took the time to reply.......especially Tabassum and Ruiner for sharing u'r personal experiences. The part of about having unhappy childhoods is sooooo true.....I had a pretty bad childhood and teen years weren't all that either.....so it's hard for me to stay positive.
Oh BTW, to those of you who assumed that my parents had an arranged marriage(hence comments about not having kids unless it's a happy marriage).....my parents met in college.....went to college and then to med school together, and then got married.
Anyway....thanks again to everyone who replied. :)
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two of my cousins got married to each other and it was an arranged marriage. they keep having problems and now and are no longer living together.