this is for those guppies and guppans who’ve had an arranged marriage, and who’d like to enlighten us bachelors about what it’s like. how have u found it so far? how long did it take u to get to know the person really close? do u feel a love marriage would’ve been better?
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Well, to tell you the truth, I doubt that I would have found anyone better than my husband on my own.
Ours was an arranged marriage, and we both love eachother.
After we got engaged we used to talk on phone daily, if not phone chat or e-mails. But still at that point I wasnt sure about the person I was about to get married to. After I got married, it took me very little time to get to know him because fortunately him and I, had the same mind level. Although, there is an age difference of 8 years but I dont feel that counts.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Are you getting married soon wunderkind?
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Answer: arranged marriages are arranged, other marriages are not.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Dulhay ka sehra Suhana lagtaa haii
Dulhan ka to Dil Dewana lagtaa hai
Pal Bhar Mein Kasaay Badaltay haii Rishtay
Abb to har **Apnaa **Bayghana Laghta hai
Just for Fun her , Hope u enjoy tht
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
I sometimes think how people would get to know each other once they know that they are now tied up with each other. Strange.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
not too soon, I'm still deciding which route to take: love or arranged.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
you can have both too.... me thinks
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
I don't believe that there is any difference between arranged or non-arranged.
There is no way to know how a person is going to react to a certain situation until and unless you are knee-deep in it.
Hypothetical discussions are just hype.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
I've had both.
I prefer non arranged
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
i had an arranged marriage..and i love it! frankly, i think marriage has nothign to do with it being arranged or love..all depends on that person and his family....people sometimes change after marriage...could be good or bad.....
and just think...evenutually most arranged marriages do turn into love marriages..so why not have the best of both worlds...
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
^^ i agree ... it has nuthin to do with arranged or not.. .cos once you get to kno the person.. that is to spend time with her/him 24/7 ... eat, live and sleep with them... the love really grows on you.. unless you already made up your mind about not to grow attached to them no matter what they do to please you.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
A lot has got to do with the fact whether its an arranged or love.
And by love I mean western love not pakistani love cause even though some desis do have love marriages their chances of being together and knowing each other before their marriage is limited.
I wouldnt marry a guy without knowing him at all. EVER!!
Cause there aint no such thing as a compromise when it comes to desiring what your heart wants.
The whole idea of being in a relationship (marriage) is enjoying life with another person.
How are you supposed to enjoy life with a person who doesnt like the things you like?
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
I had an arranged marriage, and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Honestly, the only difference between arranged and love marriage is how you initially met, other than that, the dynamic of the marriage is the same.
As far as falling in love, my husband and I met only one time before we got engaged. Within a month of our engagement, we were totally in love with one another. By the time we were married, it felt like a whirlwind romance. It's been five years now, and MashAllah, we still feel the same way!
I disagree with Legally Brown that there is no such thing as compromise. If you feel that way, then marriage isn't for you. Marrying someone means that sometimes you'll give in and sometimes your partner will. It's not a big deal. As far as finding someone with similar interests, where on earth are you going to find your exact clone? So someone is not marriage worthy if they don't like your type of music or food? BFD, you have a good opportunity to learn new things and expand your horizons with your spouse. You don't give up your interests, you introduce them to your spouse, who will probably be more than happy to take you to the places you want to go (and vice versa).
Rather than having identical interests and hobbies, it's far more important to find someone who has the same values and goals for the future that you do. That's where I think arranged or semi-arranged marriages are stronger. Do I care whether or not my husband likes Indian films as much as I do? No, I don't. What I care about is that he believes in faithfulness, that's he's loving and kind and that we share the same dreams about our lives.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
why only women answered the thread?
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Raatikirani's post summarizes my views on this beautifully.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Lol RaatkiRani you will learn eventually 
Compromise doenst exist in my dictionary.
If i want something I get it. If you dont have it, you dont belong in my world.
Im through wasting time upon waiting for things to happen. I make them happen.
N Im not willing to sacrifice and compromise for someone just for the sake of the worldly rules and laws.
Hell no.
I know what relationships are all bout, i was married for 7 years.
They are certainly not bout compromise.
A healthy relationship is that which brings out the best in you, it polishes your interests and makes you realize your interests and capabilities.
Not the one where you have to put your likes and dislikes under the carpet all in the name of compromise and not spend a lifetime not realizing your full potential.
Thats a sorry state of affair and I pity people who are in such relationships cause they are just pretending to be happy.
:chusni:
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Thats a sorry state of affair and I pity people who are in such relationships cause they are just pretending to be happy.
Sometimes happiness in a relationship means giving up a part of yourself for the sake of someone else...Otherwise it becomes all about me me me...And if that becomes the case, then certainly, sacrifice and love cease to exist in such a relationship...
Once when you learn to compromise (It is a learning matter, it doesn't come in a day), you realize later, how much you might have missed or destroyed had you never compromised...
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
Lajawab thats not true.
What I ask will the other give up for me?
So all these women preaching how compromise is blah and blah
Ask them to go to their husbands and make a list of all the things their husbands have compromised for them and they'll come back with nothing.
Thats just sorry!!
True some women like being submissive and taken care of, and there is no harm in that.
Re: Arranged Marriages: your experience
^^
Every relationship requires a sacrifice...
Sacrifice between a parent and child requires the sacrifice of parents to raise their children from nothing to grown ups...Sacrifice on part of the children requires that they kill their pride and obey their parents...One doesn't abandon one's children because they decide to do their own thing...
Similarly the sacrifice of marriage is compromise...On both parties...
Everyone has certain ideals regarding their own ideal marriage partner...Trust me, no marriage on earth has ever produced that ideal...As a result, compromise must be reached, failing which, the marriage breaks apart...
As for you asking what the other will give up for you, like what? Drinking? Gambling? Womanizing? As you say, in love marriages, one knows all the answers before getting into it, then why the need to ask to give up things which you already know about? After all, in love marriages, what could possible be there that you wouldn't know about?
The best thing about arranged marriages, is that both parties know that they are getting into a situation where both know very little about each other and come into the marriage knowing and willing to sacrifice a lot of their ideals...After all, it's two strangers getting together to spend a lifetime together...
Gradually and slowly, trust builds up, avenues open up for discussion and after compromises and sacrifices, they come to terms and settle into a life together each knowing the shortcomings and strengths of each other...
I don't know how love marriages can be exciting or life changing...After all, it's just two people who knew each other intimately before, just signing a paper to live together...
No excitement...No spur of the moment thing...
I think, arranged marriages are the way to go...It's tried, tested and true...