But the thread seems to have become about marriage in general. I think there does need to be compromise, but a successful marriage shouldn't make you compromise on what's most important to you or who you are. Of course, our priorities may/will change, and very often we will come to realize that what was most important to us has become second to something else.
And I don't think it's fair to say that these days only women compromise. Because I know that my husband compromises with me, and I have seen husbands of friends and cousins do the same.
Certainly, though, in more traditional couples, the responsibility of compromise and sacrifice is on the woman.
I so agree with legallybrown lady. I think..atleast SOMEONE has guts to live her own life of what she likes what she doesn't. Bravo to you. It is ALWAYS a better to get to know a person FULLY..before marrying him/her. In arrange marriage, couple HAS to make relationship workout even they don't even want to. While, in love marriage, couple work out relatioship better is because they know each other.since from begining. I wish we could have more of a legallybrown kind alike pakistani women.
I had a arrange marriage, it was like this i was going to Pakistan in '96
And my dad told me that he found someone for me and go look if i like
that guy or not so... i go to Pakistan and yeah actually i liked him.
Never thought that i would like someone from Pakistan. So.. in Sept same
year we get engaged. And after a year we get married. When we were engaged we talked on phone and write letters lolz
it just depends may be arriange /love marriage either may work, mine was arranged not gone to plan tho, its better to know the person before u get hitched. depends if luck is on ur side, may allah keeps all couples our bros/sis , happy in ther marriages - ameen
I think I understand what she’s saying. A healthy marriage does bring out the best in you and it helps you to reach your full capabilities. It nurtures you as a person and helps you to grow. That does not mean that there aren’t fights and it can definitely bring out the worst at times. . . but usually, that’s just in the heat of the moment. There is no sacrificing because you both look out for each other to make sure you both are getting what you need.
I don’t think compromise is wrong but there are certain things you just can’t compromise on. I’m not talking about stupid things like what to eat, how to spend the weekend, where to go on vacation, when to visit parents, which sets of parents to visit, etc. I’m talking about the more basic, important stuff, for example, kids. If one partner wants kids and the other absolutely does not, you have a problem. And face it, in our culture if a wife cannot have a kid, the guy is advised to marry another wife to have a child. There is no compromise there (or maybe the wife wants kids that bad too and in that case, she’s happy to share her hubby) but i’m just talking hypotheticals. My point is, there are certain issues that cannot be compromised upon. For me personally, God-forbid if my husband was to ever lay a hand on me or marry another wife, there is no compromise there because any form of compromise would be nothing more than me sacrificing myself and withering away inside. I’m not saying that no compromise is possible in these situations, i’m sure it is possible. I’m just saying that it is not really a compromise if one person feels like they’re compromising too much and it’s eating at them. That’s not a healthy marriage at all.
Sadly, that happens in many marriages. One person (in our culture, usually the girl) sacrifices, compromises, etc. just to keep her marriage together. If she can find happiness ( i don’t really know how but to each their own) then I guess it’s worth it. But if she’s unhappy on the inside. . . what’s the point? ? ?
I don’t know if that made any sense but I do hope that everyone who is married be happy in their respective marriages Ameen.
I'm with Najim on this one. How do two people truthfully get to know
each other when their compatibility doesn't matter since they are
already on their way to be together for the rest of their lives??? They
are already on their way being hitched.
Makes no sense. When two people are put together without
being given the opportunity to discover their potential with
each other, their only job is to go and procreate. Most of the
time these same people haven't even discovered their own
potential fully before being thrown into a room with a total
stranger. Talk about awkward. And one thing I never fully
understood about the 'desi' society. It's okay to get on with
it with a total stranger even if it's after marriage (again the only
expectation is to bear children), but it's not okay to be given
the opportunity to get to know them before marriage (and here
I'm not talking about running off and getting laid, just simple
phone-talks, chat and so forth would do).
From personal experience, I think the understanding two
people build together before marriage without the pressures
of parents/society can not be matched
by being arranged. And also it's a damn good feeling knowing
exactly what you want for yourself out of life and what
your partner expects of you. Life is very beautiful and is
granted only once. It's too precious for arranged marriages.
anyway i will give you my answer...i have just been married over 2 years.......previous to that i was engaged for about 6 months........i never saw my wife until the day we were married and she was sat in my but now our room in her red dress.........she was so quiet and would nt move......we were both nervous........but then i guess it was a decision i have nt regretted to this day...
learning puts alot of fun into marriage lol.....u might have learnt about your love marriage partner before but maybe that could take te fun out of things?
i can understand why arranged marriages do scare people. how can you love some one you never knew? in an open society such as Europe and North america you see all these couples on the quest for true love but rarely do they ever find it. they fall in love then out, then in and then out etc. if you like to date and sample different guys/girls then fine, fair enough! but after a while that becomes boring.
there are arranged marriages and then forced marriages. if you have a list of what your spouse should be like then you will never find that person. no human being ever fits a shoppin list. i have heard people say she must have green eyes, fair skin, brown hair or even girls say he must be well built, not hairy etc lol.......these people draw up their perfect man/woman and then they realise they cant find him/her ...........
if your muslim try an istikhara - it helped me and made me feel confident.
relax - im sure you will find some one which ever way.
Barfee, Im in an open relationship where I can turn around and shut the door and not have any obligations to bend down and take it in my arse.
I'll let there be slip ups and i'll ignore 'em if I think they are worth enough ignoring but then again the right to lead my life on my accord with people bending down to my wishes is in my hands.
I'll let there be slip ups and i'll ignore 'em if I think they are worth enough ignoring but then again the right to lead my life on my accord with people bending down to my wishes is in my hands.
