Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Yes, you did. Read your PM again, and again, and again, and again. Just keep clicking on that pm, reading it, and then close it, and then click it again, until your fingers cramp up, and then you have to get them surgically removed. They sure aren't worth typing with.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
i think i already del that..ooops..
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
I guess there are a million different reasons for that but I would say that one of the main reasons is that you have to reach a certain maturity level to sustain serious relationships, marriage or otherwise. Many people just aren’t there yet and there is no set age at which they get there.
With arranged marriages, that problem is ignored by throwing two people into the marriage so that they are almost forced to make it work. Is it worth making it work though, if they are not happy. . . ? ? ?
I know some arranged marriages where both people are happy so i’m not saying that arranged marriages don’t work. But, at the same time I know some where one person, usually the wife, is unhappy but will never leave because people will talk. It’s really sad.
I’m a romantic at heart. I hope everyone finds the love of their life . . .arranged or otherwise. 
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
hahahahahaha
Am in full agreement with you - but as a rule men suck, we should be not even thinking about them, rather loftier matters like the nature of good and great. The futile struggle of men to become immortal through their actions and the value of achievement over character. i.e. is genius or does it become, either way - does it actually matter?
This is somthing I've been debating and mulling over in my mind, spare a thought and tell me what you come up with.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
arranged marriages are for losers, those who have no interpersonal skills and are unable therefore to pull birds.
love marriages are for those who want adventure, who are not timid, who have the tact and social adeptness to actually go out there and attract the opposite sex with their wit and charm.
arranged marriages are detrimental to human development, since they completely blunt the process of "sexual selection", that has allowed good genes to be selected for. arranged marriages are also a cause of the huge population explosion in Eastern countries.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
i love you:clown:
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Am in full agreement with you - but as a rule men suck, we should be not even thinking about them, rather loftier matters like the nature of good and great. The futile struggle of men to become immortal through their actions and the value of achievement over character. i.e. is genius or does it become, either way - does it actually matter?
This is somthing I've been debating and mulling over in my mind, spare a thought and tell me what you come up with.
men do not suck more than gals, but yeah gender relation based on domination and preying are detrimental to us...and lead us saying stuff like men suck, but it is not true, they can be good, very good friends, partners and collleagues too!
but i agree with you on that :
The futile struggle of men to become immortal through their actions and the value of achievement over character. i.e. is genius or does it become, either way - does it actually matter? *no it is futile*:D
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Paris love men suck. That is not to say that women dont. A good number of them are biotches. I do assure you that I have healthy interaction with the opposite of the species.
I am not convinced of the futility. Why do you think it is futile, which bit of it is futile.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Tho I think arranged marriages can be time-savers, I know lots of 30-somethings that are relying primarily on family and friends to arrange meetings with potential spouses. In a way, that ends up taking longer, as people live far apart, there are delays in the initial meetings, and follow-ups, etc.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Also, though I am all for arranged marriages, I’m not sure how you determine what makes a “successful” marriage… Is it the length of the marriage? Just because the marriage doesn’t end doesn’t mean it’s more successful than those that last for years of unhappiness.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
divorce is worse than continuing to live in a moderately unhappy marriage. if the couple are compromising and determined to live with each other till death do them part, then there's nothing that can break the marriage, apart from whoremongering or debauchery.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
wonderkind, I agree with you that arranged marriages are often used by people who just don't have the social skills. But I suppose it depends on a person's lifestyle too. I know lots of people who have high pressure careers, or are in high pressure college/uni programs, and they barely have the time to network. If they get lucky and meet someone in their program or workplace, then they can go for it. But does everyone get that lucky? I don't know - the crowd I hang out with is the type in high pressure situations. We just don't have time even for ourselves. :( I'm a bit different, because I got tired of all the stress and work, and took a break from it all. So, these days, yeah I can socialize a lot more. But I know what its like to be on the other side as well. Geeks just don't have the time.
Plus, dating is so costly. I've seen students go out to the clubs and bars, and the money they spend on food, drinks, movies/entertainment, etc, is ridiculous. I feel sorry for guys who go from one girl to the next, becuase usually they pay for 2. And then all that time spent in front of a mirror str8ning your hair, and waxing your whole darn body, or shaving, and putting together that perfect outfit for the guy who you think is going to be like your soulmate, and little do you know that in like 5 months, he's going to cheat on you. And the stories go on forever in all different plots. I mean this stuff never ends. I am glad I never went for that scene, because I spent my time investing it elsewhere, and ma'ashallah, it paid off. I don't know where I'd be if I had been active in the dating scene!
But yes, I used to think the same way as you. All of what you say works out, for people who have that time on their hands. Many do. Some really don't.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
agreed! but ppl who do not go for love marriage doesn’t mean they do not have social skills.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
As I'm growing older, and meeting and working with people that are not just in my age group, but also older, I am seeing more and more how complicated mate-hunting really is. Not just complicated, but also just plain time consuming. Today's lifestyle is fast-paced enough as it is (i.e. working all day, always something to do that needs to get done, deadlines, overtime work hours, long classes with lots of assignments, all those degrees you want to earn, all those projects you want to do , etc). There are only 24 hours a day.
So many people rely on the weekend and weeknights (limited time) to hunt around for the opposite sex. And think about it. If you date, you just lose time. You find one person, so you go with the dating philosophy and try to "get to know them" on your own, no parents assisting, no family assisting. You might know the person 3 years, and you still don't know anything about them. After many months, or many years, something might pop up, whether its skeletons coming out of the closet, or the other person letting their real personality out, etc.
Now after having wasted the number of years/months you invested in one gf/bf, you are now back to square 1. You are single again and looking. It takes a couple of months for you to find another person, and the cycle starts again, and you still don't have any knowledge of whether it will lead to marriage.
That's why I think I see so many 30 and 40 year olds who are still not married. They're just wasting so much of their time, because they are disorganized about their methods. They don't know what they want. They are out there trying a little of everything as if they're in a chinese buffet.
So, I was thinking, with arranged marriage, its more convenient. You, with relatives who know you, make a list of characteristics you want. With people helping you out, that list can quickly be trimmed down to REALISTIC characteristics. Then you just go from house to house and conduct interviews, although we don't call it interviews, we just call it the chai parade.
:o
Random thoughts. I think I'm getting old, that I see arranged marriages better than love marriages. I still think love marriages are so much more sweet, but please honey, who has the time? Arranged marriages are maybe not such a bad creation of our culture.
How about professional agencies? They can help busy persons to get the right partner with a small fee. Now this trend is catching up in America. I personally feel that taking the help from professional agencies is better than the arranged marriage or love marriage. You get professional and expert help and save a lot of time.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
hmm sumtimes they work out and sumties they dun..considerin u havent met tha person and dun know a thing bout them
or...sumtimes they they... gettin along together understandin ones feelins
as for them bein a "timesaver" i dun know why u wud say that unless u cant find sum1 my ur own choice....and have ur parents have ur parents pick 1 for u ....enuff said by my part : )
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
I wish I could give a simplistic and all encompassing answer like my parents and say that it's all Kismet. Some people are lucky enough to meet someone on their own and have successful marriages. But in our culture, there's so much emphasis on parents finding a suitable match for their kids. It's like a parent's responsibility to their grown child. Recently my aunt and my mom were 'scouting for girls' for my cousin and brother and complained that "Toronto kay koi uchi larkiyan nay han". They're either too old, too young, too dark, too chubby, too skinny, too nukhrailee, or too married already. Then the aunties find someone who might do. They request a photo, arrange a time for the prospective family to meet, make a big dinner and hope for the best. It worked out for my cousin. After meeting several American girls, he married a girl who lived not more than an hours drive from him in Ontario. It was Kismet everyone declared.
Now for my youngest brother, my mother is losing hope. She's allowing Kismet to guide her and tell her when the right time is and where the right girl is. So though finding your own spouse is stressful, think of our poor mothers. It might be somewhat timesaving for us to have it all arranged. But there's alot of effort and stressing that goes into it.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
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Now after having wasted the number of years/months you invested in one gf/bf, you are now back to square 1. You are single again and looking. It takes a couple of months for you to find another person, and the cycle starts again, and you still don't have any knowledge of whether it will lead to marriage.
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It's strange how that one paragraph kind of stands out from the entire forum post.
Arranged marriages are on the whole a far safer deal. It's better to have the wisdom and logic (if at times warped) of our elders on our side. After all, it takes a clear mind to make a decision which affects our entire life.
Arranged marriages aren't just time savers, they're probably our best shot at finding someone reasonable to settle down with.
Marriages are a 50/50 affair generally, the door swings both ways... but if I can get an extra arranged 1% or so pushing the odds in my favour so I can get a relationship to work... then i'll take the chance.
While i'm not an elitist snob or anything, a large part of a marriage actually working out boils down to the families seeing eye to eye on a lot of matters, and that usually comes from similar family setups.
All too often i've seen absurd love marriages where the two families are way too different from one another, which 2 years down the line led to a divorce, simply due to the fact that the immediate families weren't supportive enough of the couple.
Love's overrated anyway... chemically no different to eating large quantities of chocolate.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Plus, dating is so costly. I've seen students go out to the clubs and bars, and the money they spend on food, drinks, movies/entertainment, etc, is ridiculous. I feel sorry for guys who go from one girl to the next, becuase usually they pay for 2. And then all that time spent in front of a mirror str8ning your hair, and waxing your whole darn body, or shaving, and putting together that perfect outfit for the guy who you think is going to be like your soulmate, and little do you know that in like 5 months, he's going to cheat on you. And the stories go on forever in all different plots. I mean this stuff never ends. I am glad I never went for that scene, because I spent my time investing it elsewhere, and ma'ashallah, it paid off. I don't know where I'd be if I had been active in the dating scene!
But yes, I used to think the same way as you. All of what you say works out, for people who have that time on their hands. Many do. Some really don't.
All you need to do is take some time off your high pressure job / course. All it needs is a few hours a week. Don't tell me high-pressure people spend all their time working / studying. Dating doesn't have to be based solely on physical attraction. Most Pakistani girls who date do so with the intention of finding a marriage partner. I'm sure they look for more than just physical attributes.
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
Arranged marriages are on the whole a far safer deal. It's better to have the wisdom and logic (if at times warped) of our elders on our side. After all, it takes a clear mind to make a decision which affects our entire life.
Arranged marriages aren't just time savers, they're probably our best shot at finding someone reasonable to settle down with.
Marriages are a 50/50 affair generally, the door swings both ways... but if I can get an extra arranged 1% or so pushing the odds in my favour so I can get a relationship to work... then i'll take the chance.
While i'm not an elitist snob or anything, a large part of a marriage actually working out boils down to the families seeing eye to eye on a lot of matters, and that usually comes from similar family setups.
All too often i've seen absurd love marriages where the two families are way too different from one another, which 2 years down the line led to a divorce, simply due to the fact that the immediate families weren't supportive enough of the couple.
Love's overrated anyway... chemically no different to eating large quantities of chocolate.
Wonderful. Curious to know more about you
Re: Arranged Marriages - Time Savers?
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[QUOTE]
While i'm not an elitist snob or anything, a large part of a marriage actually working out boils down to the families seeing eye to eye on a lot of matters, and that usually comes from similar family setups.
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While that may be true, it is only true if the couple allows the family
to interfere to that degree. Sadly, most desi couples do.