fellow men folk, how do you feel about it and why do you knowingly enter as dysfunctional a thing as an arranged marriage?
how do you fake your emotions?
share if you like.
best,
Dushwari
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
honestly, an arranged marriage is more of a risk for women than men.
fact is, pakistani men usually have the upper hand (for lack of a better phrase) at the outset of a marriage and usually the woman has to conform to the family's norms, activities, daily business.
thus, arranged marriage is not as much of an issue in terms of potential compatibilty for men.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
Anil, i recxognize what you are saying and i appreciate that you can feel it as more harmful for women.
it appears to be so. yet, in reality it eats away at the peace of a male as well.
he may have financial advantage or be able to acceptably look around for selfish and unethical reasons.
it is of no concern to the man if his wife is burnt alive or has miscarriages because of his torture or his family's.
you'rer right about that. they have their whole hands it this and YET the man is miserable.
sad thing is that the woman a not-bad man marries, she is unhappy he is also made miserable.
best,
Dushwari
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
** sad thing is that the woman a not-bad man marries, she is unhappy he is also made miserable.**
best, Dushwari
Agreed that if the woman isn't right then the man will also be unhappy; but here's the thing about us Pakistani men: some of us are purely 'khur-dimagh'; like the ones in villages or the purely old school type. they'll send the girl packing if she has attitude or nakhray.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
thanks for saying this. Anil, it is not about letting men down and making them feel self pity. or rigging them in their ignorance and it in their faces.
but, to help them and enable them to realize that they can do themselves and others a huge favor by not withstanding a lie like life.
that said, if you would like to share, what do you feel, that as a good man, would you do to not have something unfair happen to anyone in this context?
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
thanks for saying this. Anil, it is not about letting men down and making them feel self pity. or rigging them in their ignorance and it in their faces. but, to help them and enable them to realize that they can do themselves and others a huge favor by not withstanding a lie like life.
that said, if you would like to share, what do you feel, that as a good man, would you do to not have something unfair happen to anyone in this context?
i'm a very simple person :); but there are things like badtameezi, nakhray, smart remarks, ghali galoch that i CANNOT stand .
i believe in having one wife who inshAllah i will love and do everything for but she has to realize that she has resonsibilties.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
An arranged marriage without the consent of the person(s) getting married is not an arranged marriage; it is a forced marriage.
IMHO arranged marriage is where a match is suggested and a decision is made after a consensus where the person(s) getting married have the final right of say.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
that is a good step, knowing what you want and what you have to offer to beget that and not feel a sense of entitlement to prey on someone.
may Allah swt bless you with a good caring spouse. and make you like wise. amen.
on a separate note regarding the uneducated people who make own and others' lives miserable, there is only ibret naak lessons for Allah swt is watching over them all.
for tortutous and deceptive inhumans themselves and for those others who suffer at their hands, there is without a doubt a hell waiting.
best,
Dushwari
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
thanks for saying this cheegum. well said. :>
the ethics of what happens prior to this and what happens after this, are all important things that every person involved has to bear in mind, being reponsible for it all.
best,
Dushwari
An arranged marriage without the consent of the person(s) getting married is not an arranged marriage; it is a forced marriage.
IMHO arranged marriage is where a match is suggested and a decision is made after a consensus where the person(s) getting married have the final right of say.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
i don’t and shall not, thus i need not fake my emotions. 
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
OK! what my point is, pakistani men agrees on arranged marriage, when they are afraid that they might make a mess of everything if they pick up this sensitive issue of the whole life themselves, they start gving signals to their close female attachments, like mom, sis, cousin or a friend to find a girl for them. They even start giving gestures of an idea of their ideals, and the close attached female even recognize it. The person himself in the mixture of confusions, excitement and gladiness.
When the person starts kinds of activities like talking to their close ones about ideas of girls, how they should be to be a good partner, just thats the mind you can spot , the person wants to have an arranged marriage through you as he trusts you. Is that what you were looking for. The emotions of a man when he wants an arranged marriage ???
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
Men don’t have feelings Dushwari 
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
umm ... i think we pakistani men r best. We always try to have a love marriage, but if i doesn't work out we usually have a backup plan i.e. arrange marriage :)
khud be kush ... ammi abbu bhee kush ... end of story :)
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
An arranged marriage by itself is not dysfunctional.
It only becomes dysfunctional if either the wife or the husband is dysfunctional themselves.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
:k:
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
when all else fails, break glass and use arranged marrige :(
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
A man definitely suffers when he is married to someone with no compatibility. He may come to some compromise and spend the rest of his life in the relationship without any love. I think his misery may tend to diminish over time as more and more adjustments are made in his life. So first few years can be like hell. Now if he is strong enough to compromise and let this relationship progress, he can certainly live without love and lead to an ok life eventually.
I don't beleive that you can develop love with someone who doesn't have anything common with you. So love will probably not ever develop rather there will be comfort level attained. The couple will eventually get used to live with each other keeping their differences aside.
However, if a man is not strong enough to deal with the dry/boring life that he may have to live for few years, then there is definitely going to be a breakup.
I am sure it's the same situation for the woman in an arranged marriage as well.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
Why are arranged marriages considered dysfunctional?
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
Why are arranged marriages considered dysfunctional?
Thats my question too.? when i will be going back to Pakistan that is one of the thing i will be facing... i mean an arrange marriage... but i don't have any friend who is a girl in real life.. so i never thought of something else..
But it has so far never cross my mind that arrange marriage is dysfunctional? and will surely like to hear ur point of view.
Re: ARRANGED MARRIAGES OF MEN
^ Its not. Some ppl are just have really wrong definitions of arranged as opposed to forced.
Like mad sci said....its only dysfunctional if part of the couple is dysfunctional.