Re: Arranged marriage -LAST Option
I was once a member of a very famous band in Pakistan and have appeared many times on TV…As a result, fame attracts some good attention and some bad attention, but mostly it’s bad attention that’s attached like a stigma to the world of music…
Girls specially find it very easy to fall in love at the drop of a hat…So, I have had my share of receiving 'ILU’s…It comes to a point where you start to hate the word love because it becomes so cheap…
This one time while performing in Islamabad, we were booked in a guest house…We were there for 5 days and second day was our performance…We performed and after the performance we were called to the office of the auditorium’s owner whose daughter was with him and with her was her friend…The owner’s daughter (in front of her dad) was openly flirting with our guitarist while the friend took a fancy to me…And I took a fancy to her…
She was decent, educated and good looking…So anyways, after about half hour as we were about to leave, the lady I was talking to gave me her phone number…
Next morning I called her up and we talked for two three hours and I became interested in her…I called her up in the evening again and talked for a few hours more…As usual, the next morning I called her up again and talked in detail about ourselves…I got to know her, she got to know me…In the evening, when I called her up and after about an hour’s worth of conversation, to my surprise, she said I love you to me…It felt very good, for some reason it felt as if the girl truly loved me for me, not for my fame…At that moment, I became serious about her thinking truly that she is the one…
Next evening we had to leave back for Karachi…In the afternoon, the girl gave me a surprise visit all alone to my room…
We were four in a band, so were assigned 2 guys to each room…I shared the room with the singer, so he excused himself and went out…There is the girl and me all alone in a room…I asked her if she was with someone to which she replied that she had come alone to meet me because she loved me…I told her it was wrong of her to come like this, she said it was OK, no one knows she is here…All this she kept coming close to me, until she came to me and embraced me…
I was shocked…I drew her away from me and I was all confused…But she kept trying to hug me…I had a million questions in my mind…Had she done this anyone else? Is this her normal behaviour? How can her parents let her go without checking up on her? and so on and so on…
I realized at that moment, that is I were to take off her clothes and have sex with her, she would allow me most willingly…She just kept staring up at me while I looked at her dumbfounded, my mind all twisted up…Shaitan had me literally by the balls…
I don’t know what happened, but I gently drew her away from me and told her to go home…She kept trying to hug me while I pushed her away…Then I told her to go away, to think of her father and mother, I started lecturing her…All the while I was so sad, because I had developed feelings for that girl…Then she stood away from me, looking at me…She asked me if I loved her, I told her no…I do not love her…
She cried and went away, while I myself sat down on the bed confused…
When my bandmembers heard what happened, they immediately started saying, man, you should have used her, told her you loved her because that’s what they’d have done…They called me all kinds of names like khassi and na-mard and this and that…
But I knew she was a good girl at heart but not very smart…I couldn’t bring myself to ruin her life…
So girly, don’t lesson me about love and everything that goes with it…Don’t think I am an upstart who just came out of the blue advocating arranged marriages because ‘it was the last option’ for me…
Love before marriage is a cheap commodity that even animals share and throw around…It’s the mating instinct which humans call love…A human being’s, nay, a Muslim’s, true love begins after the marriage and that is the bond that defines the love between a man and a woman…
I don’t care how many people you love in your lifetime until you find a true match for yourself, but if you base your judgement on ‘love’ alone, then you will be destined for a truly cataclysmic heartbreak…And a love lost is far more dreadful than a marriage without love…And in arranged marriages, love always happens eventually…
There are other things to consider in a marriage…Family, religion, background, ethics of the person…Let your parents sort it out for you…I let mine sort it out for me, and 
, I am not the least disappointed in any way…And guess what? The first time I heard her voice, was on the phone after our Nikah and the first time I saw her face to face was in the marriage hall…
I was not going for that love before marriage crap again…It’s all baloney and a waste of time, effort and emotions…
Go arranged…You’ll find more peace…