hey,
so i guess i might be getting engaged to a guy in pakistan that i have never met before, but he seems like a nice and decent guy, my parents has met him, and they liked him. my extended family knows his family, and all that important stuff. so i am planning to say yes.
my question is that the guy hasn’t even tried talking to me on phone or on facebook. if i try adding him on facebook, is that going to be awkward??? has anyone else ever been in this situation? where you are getting married to a guy/girl u never met before. how do you proceed talking? getting to know each other.
please only serious replies.
Re: Arranged mangni....
If he is too sharmeela, there is nothing wrong with getting to know. It might not be just as important for him but it should be an important decision for you to make. So do get to know him regardless of who says hi first.I dont think it matters.
Re: Arranged mangni....
he doesn't seems sharmeela. i stalked him on facebook :D his wall was open. he talks normal. he have female friends and cousins, who were talking to him, and he was responding normaly, he didn't seems like a shy guy at all.
i don't wanna add him because i haven't even officially said yes yet. but i still want to talk to him.
Re: Arranged mangni....
Baynishan I'll suggest you to ask your parents if its ok to talk to him via phone/email/fb since as you said u havenot officially said yes. if they say ok then i think u should proceed in starting a conversation (cause maybe he is waiting for u start the initial conversation)...fb is a good idea...u could say like just wanted to talk to you so that we can know each others views better and can understand each other better...if things work ok then u can start talking on phone too.
Re: Arranged mangni....
seems sketchy... ^ I agree...ask parents if u can talk to him ... and proceed from there..
Re: Arranged mangni....
you need to talk at least one time or two time and then make decision.
Re: Arranged mangni....
why in the world would you agree to marry someone you've never even spoken to?
Re: Arranged mangni....
Its a good idea to discuss this issue with your parents and involve them. Your parents can talk to his parents that you both should talk before finalizing things. In this way you wouldn't have to initiate the contact with him.
Re: Arranged mangni....
Ask your parents that you want to talk to the guy before saying yes. May be they can discuss the matter with the guy's family to make them aware of this and this can lead the guy to start the conversation with you.
I think you shouldn't add him on facebook. You don't how and where things will proceed and you might not want to allow him to have information about your friends on facebook. If you will need to start the conversation, I think you can send him a message through facebook in which you can give your email address and ask him to add you on chat. You can then have a chat with him and then process to have telephonic conversation/ voice chat/ skype with him depending on how well you both get along with each other. I guess talking 2-3 times will be enough for you to decide to proceed with the guy or not as you are already comfortable with the guy and his family through your knowledge of your extended family.
Re: Arranged mangni....
I am sure he is a nice guy, but if I was you I would meet the guy in person at least once. Interacting on Facebook and MSN etc. is bollocks. You ought to meet the guy face to face, talk to him and ask him what his expectations are and tell him yours. You should know in your first meeting if you feel any attraction towards the guy in terms of his looks and personality and the other way around. That is the minimum, albeit pretty much all you can do, risk management you need before jumping into a relationship.
Re: Arranged mangni....
^ what about skype video chat???
Re: Arranged mangni....
Yara skype is quite amazing, but not for 'meeting' a prospective right on the verge of saying yes to the arrangement. Meeting a person face to face is still quite different and gives you a true feel of what it is possibly going to be like being around this person.
Re: Arranged mangni....
Yara skype is quite amazing, but not for 'meeting' a prospective right on the verge of saying yes to the arrangement. Meeting a person face to face is still quite different and gives you a true feel of what it is possibly going to be like being around this person.
Exactly.
Re: Arranged mangni....
Definitely discuss it with your parents, and see what they suggest. However, I would recommend if it is possible do try to have some kind of contact before you agree because despite him sounding great, it is really strange being engaged to somebody you don't really know. Plus it gets even more awkward after you have said yes, and from my experience, harder to justify a reason to talk to them.
Re: Arranged mangni…
Ya Allah jub hum dhoondh rahey theey tu aisee Allah miaaan ki gaeey kahaaaaN theeN 
Re: Arranged mangni…
not all of us are as privileged as MASHALLAH you and a lot of other people are. i have to make a do with what ever choice i have in my life. agay ALLAH malik hai.
i wish i was able to ask my parents, and discuss this issue. agar cheezain itni hi aasan hoti tu main yahan aa kay advice kiyon lay rahi hoti??
i don’t have that choice. i live in america. they guy is in pakistan. i wish i was able to meet him or talk to him, but i can’t. as i said before, what i wrote above is my situation, i wish things weren’t the way they are. but there is nothing i can do about it. ab jo hai osi mai guzara karna hai.
i thought about it, but i am not in a situation to have any decent contact with him (via family).
ALLAH ka shukar ada karain sir, aap ki wife MASHALLAH always sound really nice when ever you mentioned her here.
i am not ALLAH mian ki ga’ey (as in ahmaq or masoom) but i just don’t have that many choices, where i have a choice to meet the guy and then decide if i want to marry him or not.
besides that, i really believe in ALLAHTALA, marriages are really big deal, it wouldn’t really just happen without reasons, i am really sure who ever ALLAHTALA is going to pick for me is going to be the best guy in my favor. Not all the marriages have happy endings, mine may, or may not have a happy ending either, but what ever it is, it’s going to be from ALLAHTALA, i am just going to try my best to do my best in the given situation.
Re: Arranged mangni....
baniysam, don't leave it to your fate or in "allahs" hand. Make sure you get to know the person. Otherwise if things go south, god forbid, then you'll have noone to blame but your self. Just a friendly advice.
Re: Arranged mangni....
i am not leaving to my fate, but i am definitely leaving it on ALLAH's hands. Unless i was some sort of a psychic who can see in future that is proven to be 100% right, or knew any formula of a happy married life that guarantee a successful life 100%, but since none of those things exist, and even those people who date for years, or in an extreme situation live with their future spouse before marriage and still end up in a divorce. I don't think as human, and as a muslim i have any other choice than to leave everything on ALLAHTALA, while using my own aqal too (that is given to me by ALLAHTALA).
Re: Arranged mangni....
sweetheart unless you saying yes to this guy is literally a matter of life and death where your parents will kill you for saying no..you always have a choice.
yes leave your fate in Allah's hands but if things go south nobody is going to stand by you
Re: Arranged mangni....
Going blind into a marriage doesn't justify your belief in ALLAH, it is pure stupidity. It is YOUR responsibility to search for the most suitable husband who you can spend your life with. Not just sit back with the expectation that your marriage will be successful without fulfilling your responsibility. ALLAH helps those that help themselves. There is no appropriate reason for you to not talk to him before this mangni. Therefore, I think you should inform your parents that you would like to talk to him beforehand, either through Facebook or phone.
Once you have done your job, THAN you can say "agay ALLAH malik hai".
Islam has made search for a spouse so easy, so why are you making it harder by building boundaries for yourself?