Ergh...... read the whole story. But you and your bhabhi are both to blame here.
Now we really don't know how the exact situation played out but from what you wrote;
What I do not understand is on the few months that your brother is in between jobs , why even all this talk about buying you a present, even if it came in the form of that small profit w/o actually having to use any money. If your brother said he wants to get you something you should have flatly refused. Simple. Just a big NO. You should have just ended the topic at " bhai when you get a job we can talk about this." This would have ended the matter right there and all these emotional volcanic eruptions would have been avoided.
Was it so necessary that while he in benefits, that he needed to do something for your birthday. I'm not saying its legally or morally wrong. It more like insensitive and immature behavior.
Yes when someone buys us a gift we feel loved and important and happy. So your bhabhi does not do enough for you and this is not the first time so you are aware about it. Leave it. You know how she thinks. Channel the hurt into something positive. Go buy yourself something really good.
I mean you guys who live in the first world countries where the govt gives you benefits. I've been born and brought up in Bahrain, if I loose my job tom, that's it. No help what so ever.
msha22: Leaving aside the fact that I disagree with your brother’s current “lifestyle” (like many others here) and coming back to the actual topic:
If your Bhabi misbehaved towards you, ie Badtameezi, etc. then you are right: She is at fault too. However if all she has done is to say: “No I will not let you use my money/our money to buy that gadget.” then she is not at fault. The money would temporarily be taken out of a joint account. That means it is not just something between you and your brother that she is poking her nose into. She has every right to get involved.
Thank you to all who have advised... Appreciate it...I was thinking maybe i was completely wrong..but its her fault aswell...so im nt gna think bout it anymore and let it slide.... I also undrstand its between her n my brother...but to make long story short...i wudnt expect her to GIVE me anything.. n I didnt ask her for anything either... This matter was between my bro n I.... She just likes to butt into other peoples business...
Anywayz, Cheers guys!!! ( to all those who gave gud advice...nt the ones who made all this confusing for themselves)
The problem is not your SIL or how much respect she has for you and your family. The problem is nor whether she spends money on her own family or on you guys. The problem in this whole case is your brother.
Your brother is the one who has to step up for you guys (and before some feminist anti-inlaws pick it up, I dont mean to go against his dear wife), but it is your brothers job to "care" for you guys just like she "cares" for her family. Clearly from your posts, it seems your brother has taken a back-seat in these matters and handed it all over to his wife, in which case she will do as she wishes: Care for her family whether they need it or not and ignore his family. You cannot fight this. You can be angry, upset etc etc. but all the energy will be wasted and useless. I suggest you stop buying her nice things if thats bothering you and let things go with the flow. Sometimes bhabhies and nands are not able to look past their own ego which is unfortunalty very common among desis, in which case I think a good amount of distance is great. It will be hard at first. With time, you'll thank me :)
^I agree with the above post. I myself am a bhabhi and have a bhabhi. I mind my own business and never interfere with my brothers wife money ever and you shouldn't either. Leave her alone and go with the flow.
. This matter was between my bro n I.... She just likes to butt into other peoples business...
Since you are clueless on how a marriage works..... Let me give you a hint. As his WIFE, she had every right to be aware of and comment on where he spends THEIR money. Your brother has that same right over spending habits too, and whether or not he chooses to exercise his right is up to him.
As long as she is his wife, EVERYTHING he does is her business.... And vice versa.
No you are not wrong about feeling hurt for behavior of ur bhabhi. And i am strictly speaking about issue of using credit card on an account which is joint, her and ur brothers and not about ethics of spending benefits money.
What kind of a 'kam zarf' person will refuse to let her SIL use CC of her brother.
And from ur post it appears that they are living in ur parents house, if so, ur mother should kick both of them out. If they can't show that much courtesy, they have no right to share the house with u.
you totally missed pretty much every point of this thread didn’t you?