I am feeling so low today. I had a huge argument with my brother’s wife yesterday. A few days ago my brother n I were talking about something related to a gadget and she got involved and said ‘It’s my Credit card’ it’s on my name, why should I let you guys buy that’. I have never asked them for anything. I always buy stuff for them and help them out wherever and however I possibly can. I wouldn’t have taken anything from them. But, it would have been nice of her to have just said ‘yes you can buy it’. It showed how selfish she is, always thinking about herself.She still always complains to us that she has no money and that her credit card is all full. However, she’s always spending money on herself and her side of the family. When it comes down to us she starts saying that they have no money. I have always ignored her complaints and have tried to look on the bright side. But this time she crossed the line. She also said that my mum never takes her side and always takes her daughters side. When in reality my mum always lets me down and supports her daughter in laws. My mum also felt really sad coz they never appreciate all the things she’s done for my sis in laws.
I feel so bad now coz I never wanted to argue with her.
What do you guys think? What would you have done if you were in my place?
Did I do the right thing by telling her that I didn’t like her comment?
msha keep one thing in mind when you do good for others never expect them doing same for you. This is the root cause of all issues. Just think about it she never force you to do all the good things u did for her, u did that all because you felt it was the right thing. Your judgement is strong, not everyone has the same judgement about what should and what should not be done. In her case she has not accepted you like sister or accepted your family like she love her own, she kept that in-law sense in her and she believes that her things are hers and no one should have them or even have the right to ask her about them, such people have nature of thinking others' stuff is for free. Such nature people cant easily change, in fact they make things worse. To keep peace in your home you must keep your boundaries from her, ignore all of her winings and try to look after your mother so she dont get hurt from her and for your brother sake, and try not to overload ur brother with info regarding her doings, in situations like these males suffer the most cause on one hand they have their wives whom are their responsibility and kind of half part of them and on the other side they have their family, most important mother who is other half of them. whenever she try to put u in argue just let it go for your brother and mother sake, but not to keep your guard down, dont became a carpet for her, means stay strong on your end and find ways to deal with her without coming to direct arguments.
Question: why would you use your babhi's money to buy anything? you should be either asking your father or your brother for that purpose, no?
Instead of the argument , it would have been nicer if both sides stayed quiet. Even if you bought things for her in the past and expect her to let you buy something off her money, cant comment on it much coz i dont know what level of comfort you have with her and viceversa ... but maybe the best thing you can do is limit the amount of things you buy for her too. that way your expectations are managed and so will hers be too ..
You shouldn't be using your SIL's credit card to buy anything without her consent (from your post it seems that you hadn't asked prior to deciding to buy the gadget). And judging from your post - you were basically demanding a gift rather than requesting for one. You see the two are very different and will create problems like yours.
Next time don't expect to get anything back and if you do, then don't compare it with what you have given/done.
Were you and your brother planning on using your bhabi's credit card to purchase something for you WITHOUT asking her consent first? If so then she has every right to be involved and to to be upset. Your brother was out of line for even considering using her credit card without discussing it with her first in private.
In a marriage, mutual respect is crucial. And when money needs to spent on a family member, it's always best when a spouse takes the time to PRIVATELY discuss the matter with their life partner before agreeing to spend the money.
Next time don't expect to get anything back and if you do, then don't compare it with what you have given/done.
^ Agreed with this! If you choose to buy something to help your brother/SIL out in any way....then do it out of love for them. But don't have any type of "expectation" just b/c you did something nice. Its not like they forced you to buy them anything or help them out.
** On a side note: How your SIL spends their money is between her and your brother. Whether or not she's in debt, whether or not her credit cards are full, whether or not she spends all the money on her side of the family......honestly, it's none of your business. The only person who needs to be concerned about what and where she spends money on is her husband (ie. your brother).
Why do you think its okay for you to use someone's credit card without asking them. Or just simply use someone else's card asking or not asking. If you simply can't afford it yourself, don't buy it. I've been in a situation where I've let someone buy something on my credit card and then not paying it on time. I wouldn't expect that kinda favor from my own sister let alone SIL.
She has all the rights to say no. Don't be upset, its your fault. And if you expect her to buy things or do you favors in return for everything you do for them, simply don't do anything for her.
You shouldn't be using your SIL's credit card to buy anything without her consent (from your post it seems that you hadn't asked prior to deciding to buy the gadget). And judging from your post - you were basically demanding a gift rather than requesting for one. You see the two are very different and will create problems like yours.
Next time don't expect to get anything back and if you do, then don't compare it with what you have given/done.
The gadget was not for me...it was something my bro was buying to resell it...he then said that wteva profit i get i'll give u the money as he promised a few months ago. all the rest of the money was going to be credited back into her account...as soon as she heard that im gettin all the profit she said ' its my card, its my name etc'
I don't expect her to buy me anything...i work myself and can buy wteva i like...but its sometimes nice even if someone only says' yes u can have it'...
teh way she said ti made me feel like she doesnt care about us and only cares about herself...
The gadget was not for me...it was something my bro was buying to resell it...he then said that wteva profit i get i'll give u the money as he promised a few months ago. all the rest of the money was going to be credited back into her account...as soon as she heard that im gettin all the profit she said ' its my card, its my name etc'
I don't expect her to buy me anything...i work myself and can buy wteva i like...but its sometimes nice even if someone only says' yes u can have it'...
teh way she said ti made me feel like she doesnt care about us and only cares about herself...
And why would he do that with HER account? Doesn't he have his own account that he could use for that?
Question: why would you use your babhi's money to buy anything? you should be either asking your father or your brother for that purpose, no?
Instead of the argument , it would have been nicer if both sides stayed quiet. Even if you bought things for her in the past and expect her to let you buy something off her money, cant comment on it much coz i dont know what level of comfort you have with her and viceversa ... but maybe the best thing you can do is limit the amount of things you buy for her too. that way your expectations are managed and so will hers be too ..
i didnt ask her to buy me anything...but weneva my brother wants to do anything she stops him and tells him not to spend anything on us because she needs money for her family... even though, we dont mind...but it is sometimes nice for them to do something for u so u dont feel like its a one sided relationship...
i agree with u...we should've kept quiet..but one thing led to another and it all ended up badly... we did make up at the end...but i still fell horrible about it.... i just dont knw if it was entirely my fault or was it hers aswell?
This is the first time you are mentioning this. In all your previous posts you said "her account", "her credit card", "her money", etc. But honestly that doesn't even matter. Even if it is a joint account, it should be a joint decision when money from that account is spent. ESPECIALLY when the account is not in his, but in her name.
This is the first time you are mentioning this. In all your previous posts you said "her account", "her credit card", "her money", etc. But honestly that doesn't even matter. Even if it is a joint account, it should be a joint decision when money from that account is spent. ESPECIALLY when the account is not in his, but in her name.
we were not going to take the money...its all my brothers money... and it was all going to be credited back into the account.... if they ever asked me for my account to buy all this..i wudve happily said yes... but money is not the point here...its the fact that she didnt even think twice before sayon no to us... shes older than us and is like a big sister... she shudve kept quiet coz her husband was dealing with it...
my bro wud use the credit card to buy the gadget...then resell it...give the profit to me and give the rest of the money back... so it wasnt like she was losing out on something...she just had to say no u cnt use the credit card....
my sis in law thinks the credit card and all the money is hers...
point is not the credit card... i knw ofcourse wteva my bro has, it is all hers...but she didnt have to be rude about it...my argument was not about the money or the things she doesnt do for us...it was basically cz all the time its us who r sacrificing for her family...its always me when it comes to taking her shopping, or helping her out with travelling... she never appreciates anything... and its always her khala or mamoo who r more important... i guess nand bhabi's relationship is like this... she always ends up ignoring us aftr shes done with us...
I was thinking the same thing. 