I am sorry to those who seek advice in these forums about the miss behavior or ill treatment of their in laws.
Sometimes I get shocked and saddened with the details.
There must be some people around here who have nice in laws. Share your good experiences that might teach us some ways to improve our relationships with our in laws.
I will start. First of all I am a man.
I have no ill feeling or grudge against my in laws. They treat me very well and I do the same. My wife is treated very well by my family and she treats them nicely. I never lived with my in laws family and my wife never had that chance either. I only visited my in laws on vacation for a couple of weeks at a time so did my wife. That might be the reason ?
I am not saying that every family is like that , there are some bad ones some good ones so what we are looking for is what works and what does not ?
Any thoughts ?
u r saying this because u have never lived with ur in- laws. more importantly u r wife has never lived with ur family. that is y u can say she has no problem. if she starts living with them, trust me there will be problems!
u r saying this because u have never lived with ur in- laws. more importantly u r wife has never lived with ur family. that is y u can say she has no problem. if she starts living with them, trust me there will be problems!
this thread was based on his own personal POSITIVE experiences with his in-laws. he wants you to share your positive experiences as well.
are you married? if so please share some positive experiences....I am sure for every negative experience one may have with their in-laws there has to be at least ONE positive experience...no?
u r saying this because u have never lived with ur in- laws. more importantly u r wife has never lived with ur family. that is y u can say she has no problem. if she starts living with them, trust me there will be problems!
I come from a joint family system , where three of my bhabies were living with us. I saw nothing but love in the air. Just kidding. Yes I saw family politics and bickering and in the end when everybody got their own separate homes all that family politics and bickering ended and everybody is living happily ever after.
In my case I have been in US and we got married here so we were separate already.
So may be one solution can be separate household for each new family ?
But in case of my inlaws their three bhabies are still living togather in Pakistan and I have never heard any kind of negatives associated with it . What is the miracle ? I don't know.
I have lived with my in laws for a long period of time. I should mention though that while there were challenging times for me, there must have been challenging times for them as well. I am not a very easy person to live with either. I mean, who is?
All relationships are give and take to a great extent. They are also based on expectations of and from each other.
I know I worked hard at my end, but I have to admit that my in laws are nice people with fair values.
I have seen terrible situations in other homes so at the end of the day, all I can say is that just as I love my parents and expect my husband to tolerate and respect them, I am sure he hopes the same from me. Unless I try it will not happen. Don't get me wrong here, there is no farz or obligation on my part to maintain any relationship with my in laws, but it gives us all peace of mind to have one big happy family. It takes work, compromise and some sacrifice, but it is worth the peace of mind we have at the end.
Trust me i have a lot of patience and i have been able to put up with their acts for the past 2 and half years but now i really really need the secret too - apart from buying them presents etc...
In some cases, there's nothing much you can do. I can only tell from my experience otherwise I'll just be talking out of place. When I've been in conflict with my in-laws I have usually let go but there are times when that will not work. I feel that we we react to everything then when it is really necessary it does not make a difference. So adopt a let go attitude if something bothers you. Remember that just because their opinion is different from yours doesn't make you right or them wrong. We all have different ways of dealing with things.
Your patience and tolerance is your biggest strength and treating them like you would treat your parents, as best as you can, can also help.
Trust me i have a lot of patience and i have been able to put up with their acts for the past 2 and half years but now i really really need the secret too - apart from buying them presents etc...
Sorry to put sour post on your thread!
I am confused too if everything is so honky dory and ideal then what would someone need the patience for ?
Even the patience of the Prophets of Allah ran out with arrogant people.
it s a good solution mirch, but not every family wants 2 seperate 4rom eacother. they allways want 2 b nosy nd invlvd in each others affairs. they want to ilve with eacother nd never let go of their son/bro/nephew..or whtvr. especly if he is 4rom joint fmly. this makes me sick.
my mom cant wait till my older bro gets married so he can take his wife nd get lost nd leave us the hell alone. my parents dont even want their bahu 2 live with them n htey r hopig my brother leaves htem alone fast also..haha..
they always try 2 get trid of him but he alwayz comes back. haha isnt that funny? but its true!
we r soo ultra-modern paksitani fmaily, neh? lol. but its true.
very well said .. in most cases letting it go is the best solution