Are You Financially Dependent On Your Parents?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

While working on a group project yesterday, one of our group members said how stressed and tired she is, as she is finding it difficult to be working and studying for the exams.

She has to work 8-10 hours/day for a number of days every week and since she has just started this job, there is no way she can take a few days off from work to prepare for the exams.

Another group member then stated how he doesn’t like to work while he is studying. He works during summer or whenever he doesn’t have college, or at least he likes it that way.

I was surprised and said how he’s got very nice parents to be paying for his car, insurance, etc. To that he said he has got alternative means of paying for his bills. Also, that he mentioned how he does not like to ask his parents for money.

That’s exactly what the girl said (who has just gotten a new job). More or less, it has been the same for me. I have been working part-time for the last 3 years. I’ve recently quit the job, as I would like to take a month off before I start working full-time from January, 05, insha’Allah.

Most of us live with our parents and for most of us, our parents pay for the food and shelter, but we like to pay for everything else that is related to us. This includes eating out, clothing, cell phone bills, etc.

I feel a bit uncomfortale asking parents for money or to buy me things. I’d rather work on my own and use my earnings to spend on myself. This has also been the case with most of the people that I know of. The same applies for people from different cultures and backgrounds that I know of.

I’m sort of compelled to ask, how many of us here are financially dependent on their parents and to what extent?

I have also noticed that there are more desi girls than guys that work part-time to pay for their expenses (to some degree). I’m not exactly making any generalizations, but this is what I have sort of noticed. Prove me wrong :stuck_out_tongue:

It’d be nice if you could state what country you’re residing in. I don’t think many residing in Pakistan work part-time or full-time while studying.

2

I'm not allowed to get a part-time job, even someting "respectable" like working in an office rather than flipping burgers at McDonalds or something.

Alhumdulillah I get enough of an allowance, and they also give me separate money for food, my metrocard, schoolbooks and they pay my cell phone bills and tuition and stuff. I know i'm very fortunate and spoiled and i should be thankful for that. Not many parents would do so much for their kids. I know girls who worked their entire way through high school, and that too going to a private catholic school.

I used to have a big problem with that, not being allowed to work, but I think I would end up doing the same for my kids. Of course they should get scholarships and stuff, but I don't want them to go through the headache of financial aid and student loans, and having to work to support themselves through school. If they want to get a job for unnecessary expenses, like clothing, or entrtainment or whatnot, then fine, I won't stop them from that. But I would never force my kids to get a job, unlike most people I know.

3

It seems that it worked out well for you, masha'Allah.

Your parents did not let you work, but they gave you allowance and for other expenses.

I never really got allowance and had to ask for things that I needed. My mom has always been the lenient one and pretty much got me whatever I wanted. However, it's been the total opposite with my dad.

I was never forced to work, nor did they want me to work, but I still managed to convince them to let me work. That way it relieved me from the pressure of asking them to buy me things and I also felt better that I could now afford to get things that one of my parents didn't approve of because of the difference of opinion.

Also, I prefer to pay for my own expenses rather than asking others for help.

4

ummz, ive been working since the legal age here in OZ (14 and 9 months). In the beginning what i earned was just savings, didnt do much with it...

As i changed jobs, the earnings were spent on my own things like bills, clothes and presents for friends and family. But ever since i started gettign proper income, part of it goes to the family.. like i dont pay for my own groceries or electricity.. but the money that i give to the family, gets used for whatever it can go to..

i think financial dependancy is dependant on ur situation in life (ie age, job, education)

i have friends my age who have never worked in their lives. I wont say they live off their parents.. cus thats just mean. A family is a family.. and hence u gotta stick by one another.. lekin i think working gives you independance and confidence to some degree

sara, a job is a job... either ur working on maccers or in some cute office.. if ur content with what u do, thats all that matters :)

p.s im from ausssstralia

5

My parents maintained the belief that until me and my brother were working full-time, they had nearly full financial responsibiity for us, with the exception of recreation.

So it mean that I only really paid for things I did for fun, for socialising, and for my cell phone bill - even that was through a combination of summer work, a small parental allowance (£30, about $70 CAD, a month) , and in my final year, student loan.

My insurance, clothes, travel, holidays, etc were paid for by my parents.

On the other hand, as soon as I started earning, all that ended. Until they left the country, their support for me then decreased to just providing accomodation and food at home.

That's the model I wish to adopt for when I inshallah have children of my own. Unless my financial means prohibit it, I think they should never ever have to simultaneously study and work.

6

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
That's the model I wish to adopt for when I inshallah have children of my own. Unless my financial means prohibit it, I think they should never ever have to simultaneously study and work.
[/QUOTE]

really? hmm interesting... i always thought that wokring and studying simultaneously helped one realise how important time management is.. as well as responsibility

during my uni days, i LOVED working... it got me away from uni problems.. or i guess cus i was interacting with other uni going people all the time, it made me realise i wasnt alone.

If i ever have kids, I will Inshallah get them to consider working and studying at teh same time... not so they can earn their own money.. but i guess to sorta relax and enjoy life. Part-time jobs are awesome

7

I never said someone working at mcdonalds's doesn't deserve respect....i put the word in quotations, coz that's how my parents feel.
Yes a job is a job and if it pays the bills or buys you those shoes, then fine. But I do think that something like working in McDonald's should be just a "faaltu paisey" job. I just don't think that's a job you take to support an entire family on.

Myself, I don't plan on working once I'm married and have children, but if I work after I graduate college and before I get married, then I'll definitely contribute to the household, with groceries and bills and stuff.

My parents are very traditional. They just don't believe it's the daughter's job to take care of her parents financially. I beg to differ, both children should help out however much they can. And yeah, a family is a family. It's just wrong to say that ur "living off" your parents or husband (or wife) but yeah ur right, I think if I had a job and were to earn my own money, I'd probably feel a bit mor confident, even if I wouldn't get as much money from my allowance

8

^ but for some working at macdonalds is the only option for them to help out their fam... everyones has their own issues to deal with :)

as for not working once ur married.. good stuff. I hope it works out for u. Just one word of advice though, when ur 19... u can plan a lot of things of how u want life to be. ie not working once ur married.. having so many kids, living in this area, having such and suchcar.. but when u get to 25+ u realise, life aint so rosy...

who knows what ur financial situation is going to be once u get married. You may have to work to help out ur hubby.. who knows na.

Life is so damn unpredictable.. i cant even say that what i want to happen in the next day will actually happen ... just go with the flow.. make short term goals and run barefoot thru some grass

9

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadzzz: *

Just one word of advice though, when ur 19... u can plan a lot of things of how u want life to be. ie not working once ur married.. having so many kids, living in this area, having such and such car.. but when u get to 25+ u realise, life aint so rosy...

Life is so damn unpredictable.. i cant even say that what i want to happen in the next day ... just go with the flow.. make short term goals and run barefoot thru some grass
[/QUOTE]

^The wonderful words of wisdom. :)

One doesn't necessarily have to be past 25 in order to realize life isn't at all rosy. In fact, it's much worse and defitenily very unpredictable. I guess we have to learn to live it on a day-to-day basis.

There's nothing wrong with making long-term goals, but you must be having strong short-term goals in order to accomplish your long-term goals and plans. Not to forget, one must also have a few good contingency plans, as we do not know what future has in store for us.

Also, working definitely gives a lot of self-confidence and often helps you get your mind off the problems at home, college/uni, etc.

Working also made me realize how I'm so much better off than many other people, yet we all have got our own set of problems and worries that noone else, but ourselves can understand and fix (hopefully).

10

i’ve never ever worked in my life :halo:…
and i depend on my parents for everything :D…lol
but im gonna start working as soon as i start uni…(inshAllah)
if not the first semester ..then second…
or pehle saal nahi to doosre saal se to for sure :smiley:
im jus starting to get that sense of responsibility n i dun wanna be a bhoj on my family…:stuck_out_tongue: …i jus wanna support them any way i can :stuck_out_tongue:

11

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Sadiyah: *

^The wonderful words of wisdom. :)

One doesn't necessarily have to be past 25 in order to realize life isn't at all rosy. In fact, it's much worse and defitenily very unpredictable. I guess we have to learn to live it on a day-to-day basis.

[/QUOTE]

:) hehe.. yeap 25 was just a number i pulled out cus im at that stage. I think certain experiences and muck-ups in life really teach u a lot. Well they've taught me that i shouldnt so stubborn about what i want to happen..

i can honestly say, that ive changed a huge amount since i finished up highschool.. not in morals and values but just what i want out of life. Its nice to have dreams like Sara though... so carefree and happy hehe..

Infact, i was having this exact same conversation lastnight with a friend (if ur reading this.. u knwo who u r! haha)..

and yeah i agree with u, working certainly does make u appreciate the life u have. The interaction with people... and the reason behind why others work makes u understand ur situation.. like a reevaluation or something...

rani, ur so cute! hahaha

oh i must also add... it depends on ur position in the fam as well. My lil sis whose nearly 19.. recently started working... but when i was at her age.. i think id worked in about 3 jobs already!

12

I was totally depended on my parents like a month ago... but now i work myself and i spent my own money...yeah i know it is hard to come from school then go to work till night but it is a feeling of happiness that you can earn your own money obviously i will always be dependent on my parents for other issues but finacially no i am not... well i dont have any insurance to pay no bills nothing so easy for me to live but i know next year when i go to uni it is gonna be really very hard for me...so lets see what happens iam hoping it stays the same but who knows :)

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
^ but for some working at macdonalds is the only option for them to help out their fam... everyones has their own issues to deal with :)

[/QUOTE]

Yeah but it shouldn't be that way. Everyone should have several options :)

14

:expressionless: …

im 17 per im the oldest child so :bummer:

:teary1: …

:smack:

15

hmm .. lets see.. i started working when i was 16.. helped family with whatever i could earn by working 10 hr shifts everyday in the summer and 4hr shifts everyday in the regular high school year. .. then came uni.. had to go 500km away from family so expense went up.. rent, food, utilities, cellphone, uni fees, stuff like that.. so i grabbed a job in my first year.. and still working.. it started off as a low paying job but now Allahamdulliah its paying me well plus i am studying and helping my family in whatever ways i can.. its not that bad..

but I think one should always have plans for future.. interms of how his/her family is going to be after marriage.. to me there is nothing wrong with dreaming a good life .. and i pray to Allah that i get to that goal that i have for my kids, my wife and myself.

Along the way i have learned alot.. techniques to get through tough times, rough times and good times.. just enjoy every moment with your family and friends and pray to Allah for a better tommorow .. :)

16

I tutored in my high school years, but spent all the income on myself. When I started uni, my parents paid for my tuition, while I took care of the rent and all other expenses. I've always been fiercely independent, and didn't want to take a penny more than I needed.

I enjoyed working, it took me out of the sheltered world I was in and taught me organization and money management - I used to be a terrible spendthrift. Until I started working, I never realised how hard my parents worked, or thought about the sacrifices they made to give us our comforts. So that was an eye-opener, but I wasn't really stressed out ever cause I knew my parents were always there as a safety net in case I failed.

I think earn while you learn is a great thing, provided you give education the priority, and I would encourage my kids, when I have em, to do the same.

17

well now...i started working whn i joined the Uni. and since those days i havent had to ask me parents for any financial support. Paid for Uni, my car, my holidays etc ever since :) and i agree with Sadzzz in that uni does help u steer away from uni worries for those weekends/evenings whn ur busy working.....

i think working while studying does help u 'prepare' for world out there...
after a year of working & studying i did note that i was more time efficient then anything else !!! :D

but on the negative 1 of my firends got into 'working' so much so that she forgot about studying altogheter and ending failing the degree ! so b cusious...

18

During my university years, I've been working full-time and completed my Masters in evening and weekend classes. Those 4 years was probably the most terrible time in my life, but it thought me a lot of valuable things as well:

  1. Time Management
  2. Using new knowledge on the job immediately
  3. The value of "self-earned" money
  4. etc.

I wouldn't want my kids to go through something similar though. If they want to work part-time, it's fine with me, but I wouldn't want them to study while they are on a full-time job.

PS: I am in Austria (Europe).

19

Once i got my first job that was it,...no pocket money no nothing and i loved it!!! i loved the fact that i earned and worked hard for my money as i got to spend it as i pleased....

i was such a good girl at first....saved all of it...now im a bit naughty and buy too many shoes.

My parents didnt support me through uni or anything...iv always worked and paid my own bills, pay for my own clothes, pay for my own food...thats just the way it goes i guess.

I dont really think that theres anything wrong with that though..if your old enough to work and earn then your old enough to look after yourself.

i have friends whose parents wont allow them to work whilst they are studying..i think thats wierd...if its just a part-time job on the weekend..wheres the harm?
Its all about managing time and resources effectivly and i think that people should be allowed to make their own mistakes and learn from them.

20

NO! In fact I give them money.