Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
yes..i am married to one according to this criteria 
mall: i can totally understand your situation.. believe me , you will feel better after the baby..you will have better thing to fret about and those will be enjoyable 
InshaAllah
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
u guys are crazy.
how can u knowingly bring a child into such a volatile and unhealthy relationship and think that will make it much better???
if u have daughters, would you really want them to live the rest of their lives with such men???
Very nice article. Usually guys show this kind of behaviour. Girls at young age should read this.
I agree. FF, I think it was definitely good of you to put this up :) Some of the behaviour described for the loser is also very bollywood-ish, I must say.
1.Quick Attachment and Expression: 2.Frightening Temper: 3.Killing Your Self-Confidence: 4.Cutting Off Your Support: 5.The Mean and Sweet Cycle: 6.It's Always Your Fault: 7.Breakup Panic: 8.Paranoid Control: 9.It's Never Enough: 10.Public Embarrassment: 11.Discounted Feelings/Opinions:
sounds like a woman to me. In fact most of these stereotypes are used for women on tv, from what I've noticed.
sounds like a woman to me. In fact most of these stereotypes are used for women on tv, from what I've noticed.
Ahem! Most of these fit desi wives. :whistling
Fits women, only those that appear on Oprah or Dr. Phil.
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
^seriously..... so true!!! THAT is 'reality tv'...
desi dramas are....scripted dramas!! its immature and retarded to form your opinion for 'desi girls' based on tv dramas..LOL!! goodness!!
oh and dont get me started on desi guys...cant even change a stupid light bulb (observations from multiple desi homes)..."rakshanda PAANI laao" "meri yeh kahan hai..mera woh kahan hai" while glued to the TV!!!! losers!
AliG and WitchDr, this is not a guys vs girls thread. Lets not take things the wrong way. Both men and women are capable of being manipulative and controlling, lets leave it at that.
As for the description fitting desi women in dramas, I would like to add that its mostly indian dramas and those inspired by them that show women in such a light or then as Gina said the reality tv sorts.
We all lose our temper, we all are sumwhat possesive, we all fear breaking-up when in a relationship but don't think it turns us into a loser =)
But YES if u watch the guys/girls on Oprah and Dr. Phil this survey fits them perfectly! Where they blame everything on a "ruff childhood"
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
losing temper is one thing but becoming aggressive and destructive as a result of it is certainly loserish, a little possessiveness is ok, even ehalthy for a relationship, but when it reaches paranoia where u keep tabs on the other person and dictate their social circle it turns loserish, alternating between extreme mean and sweet cycles is also not normal, a reasonable person is consistent in his/her behaviour! I don;t know how anyone can justify the outlined behaviour in anyway. these things get worse over time, you only get a sign here and there when the person is courting u and once they have bagged you they you r in for a treat! The article tells you to look out for recurring patterns of the above mentioned traits in a person and steer clear of them while you can. Pretty simple, no?
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
My hubby mashallah is so supportive I couldnt ask for a nicer husband:)...He never stops me from anything within limits
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
Ok, none of those apply to me or the hubby, alhumdulillah, lol! But that's a good list Femme, should open alot of peoples' eyes. I think the things mentioned are bad in the sense when all these characteristics become way too extreme, such as, 'it's never enough', of course once in a while many spouses esp wives like to say that to their husband but if you are constantly doing it implying how unhappy you are then that's wrong.
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
hmmm.. people do lose their temper 2-3 times in a life-time... and I dont classify that as being a loser.
Ive seen the most calmest of people losing it (due to stress and over-tiredness) and i would NEVER classify them as losers..
its really quite sad that ppl think constantly livign like this is a “normal” life and the ones who get divorced “at the drop of a hat” are worse off.
thank you for ur support! finally someone who knows what i m going thru… all the other ppl are quick to give advice and stuff but have no idea how difficult it is to hold on to a marriage.. I am hoping he will change but if he doesnt, my luck.. ive learnt one thing in life… u cant change others but urself… if he remains this way, i will change.. period. i will try as much as i can to save my marriage.
mall honey- WAKE up!
crying and shutting your mouth is no way to handle the situation. you're heading into post-mar. depression after you have children. you make yourself the victim by doing so and you need help and therapy (with or without your husband). your sense of self is completely broken, and i honestly don't see why you won't dignify yourself to know that you deserve better. if you're waiting for him to change, he won't...but why are YOU throwing in the towel??
it's not true that MOST paki women have bad marriages. i know many who have great ones. you're surrounded by the wrong crowd if that's what you TRULY believe.
i know what it's like to be hurt...but not remain there becuz u fear the worst on the other side. it's a 50-50 shot that things may get better, so why not look on the brighter 50% side of things? YOUR PERCEPTION OF REALITY is False..but you've been beaten down so much you can't even see what's real anymore. boohoo to you indeed.
get help, get counseling, get a positive female social circle, get family involved, get moving!
ok first of all, thanku for showing interest in my post and replyin back. secondly, i think the tone of ur post was a lil bit rude. u dunno what i m goin thru and its easy to advice after hearin someone's story. i really appreciate ur concerns but dun u think u cud have shared ur feelins in a more appropriate and nice way? just a thought!
honey... have u gone to pak lately? I assume u r livin abroad and not there (imyself am abroad, not in pak) but i can tell u that majority of the marriages are unhappy.. they r satisfactory maybe but not happy. go to any household, and i mean, ANY, and u will not find even one woman who is not disgruntled or who feels her hubs is dominating and always has the last word. its not that i m surronded by them.cus most couples i know here in UAE are just ok and some happy in marriages its the typical PAKISTANI marriages i m referring to. life is not easy and marriage requires alot of hardwork... in most cases, a woman has to take things in her hands if the hub is not ready to budge in or change his nature. she has to take the initiative to change HERSELF and make him happy.. i know this is alien to the culture in the US, UK or whereever a paki abroad is livin in but this is it... this is what happens everywhere. i m not sayin there are not happy couples.. i m sure there are but check the stats, go home, u will see many unhappy marriages. i m not tryin to convince you or anything but this is what i think... u can agree or disgaree but i rest my case.
Re: Are You engaged/married to a LOSER?
Bharaysh: I think your tone was rude aswell, atleast show some emotions for the poor girl!
Bharaysh: I think your tone was rude aswell, atleast show some emotions for the poor girl!
thank YOU! if some pppl wud just learn how to convey their msg in an assertive way, yet it dusnt hurt ppl ... that wud b so nice!
thank YOU! if some pppl wud just learn how to convey their msg in an assertive way, yet it dusnt hurt ppl ... that wud b so nice!
It's a bit of tough love. If you're living with an abuser, things WILL NOT change. And it would be VERY, VERY bad of you to bring a child into a situation like this. Women always think that things will get better but they don't.
Hell, even I'm guilty of this mindset. I'm trapped in a crap marriage with a man who calls me a whore all the time (even though afterward he says he had no justification to call me that, but wanted to hurt me), among other things.
Seriously. Don't bring kids into this. If you're not already pregnant, please don't try to get pregnant. Marriage isn't the key to happiness. You can find someone better for you.
It's a bit of tough love. If you're living with an abuser, things WILL NOT change. And it would be VERY, VERY bad of you to bring a child into a situation like this. Women always think that things will get better but they don't.
Hell, even I'm guilty of this mindset. I'm trapped in a crap marriage with a man who calls me a whore all the time (even though afterward he says he had no justification to call me that, but wanted to hurt me), among other things.
Seriously. Don't bring kids into this. If you're not already pregnant, please don't try to get pregnant. Marriage isn't the key to happiness. You can find someone better for you.
matinee... then why r YOU livin with him??? u know what i m goin thru, ure in the same boat... (verbal abuse) then y...?