Are women in western countries over protective of their children or finicky about them than women back home or even their parents or grandparents.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I have a somewhat limited experience of the "back home"parenting but I think that western moms do indeed tend to be more over-protective. Right from the start, its us alone with our babies whereas "over there", there is much family either very close by or even in the same house.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I don't think that lack of larger families is the sole reason for western women being over-protective. Back home can be taken to mean non-western world. Or even the western world now compared to say 100 years ago....you will see a difference.
The person who made this statement to me was a European person.
Re: Are women overprotective?
Yes, parents are tons more overprotective here than they are there..
then again, it cud just have to do with the parenting style...
Re: Are women overprotective?
Yes. My husband always comments that American women are amazing parents, because they are so involved in their kids lives. However, I think that in the US at least there is a tendency towards overparenting. (helicopter parents).
We are concerned with child-proofing, never take our kids out without a carseat, make sure that our kids are involved in dozens of activities, plan our activities around our children's schedules, etc. We would never give babies or young children chai or pepsi and follow the doctors orders about introducing new foods - not until 6 months. My kids always eat dinner at the table, or sitting on a tablecloth, and are not allowed to run around during dinner time until everyone has eaten. They started feeding themselves around 18 months, and I did not hand feed them after 2. I see a lot of women in Pakistan chasing around 4 and 5 year old kids trying to put food in their mouth. We don't give bottles after 1 year because of cavities, and never put sugar in the milk.
Few American women would ever take their children to someone's house and not supervise them or allow them to run wild the way kids do at desi house parties. We are more strict with our children from a young age. My FIL used to get really angry with me because I would discipline my kids and make them clean up after themselves from the time they were big enough to pick up a toy and put it in the toybox, especially when I scolded my son.
This reverses itself as kids grow older, and american parents allow their teenagers more freedoms while pakistani parents become more restrictive, at least of their daughters.
This is what I could think of off the top of my head, but I am sure there are many more instances.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I think parents over there are more over-protective. They might not check and see car seat but they do make sure what they watch on TV and don't indugle in drugs and sex.
Re: Are women overprotective?
^ I dont' know about that. I think we're more restrictive about TV over here - my kids are only allowed to watch a couple of hours a week, and I know what they are watching. When we were there over the summer everyone in the house was watching Fanaa together- I know that has a lot less nudity than other movies, but it was totally inappropriate for anyone who wasn't in their older teens at least. Parents here are more concious of what their sons are doing, and I think that muslim parents here are more strict about their kids not indulging in drugs and sex. The younger cousins in Pakistan have no curfew, and as long as the girls are with their cousins, they can stay out late and have co-ed sleepovers with the cousins.
I don't allow my kids to leave me when we're in Pak, because I don't approve of boys and girls cousins all sleeping in the same room, even if they are watching a movie.
Re: Are women overprotective?
That's my point. I grew up "back there" and I tell you I did not watch a single Indian movie. My mom would have killed me, literaly if I did and in early 90's the movies were more decent. Even today, they are decent as compared to subjects and content in most of American TV. It makes a lot difference, I did not understood it than but I do now.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I think every family is different, and times have definitely changed among some families in Pakistan. My husband wasn't allowed to watch Bollywood when he was growing up, but now they all watch films all the time. The filth in many of those movies is unbelievable.
Also, a lot of the kids I saw in Pakistan spent all day when they weren't in school parked in front of the TV or video games. My kids aren't even allowed to switch on the TV every day.
It's up to parents to be aware of what their kids are watching. Mine don't have TVs in their rooms, so I know what they are watching and when they are watching it.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I agree, but one thing I never understood is that despite so much emphasis on protecting kids, west has lost its battle against unprotected sex and drugs. I mean so much money, education and precautions are in place and still the rate is high. Why?
Re: Are women overprotective?
^ It really depends where you are, but I think a lot of it has to do with both parents working and shifting cultural values. It has become more acceptable to have sex outside of marriage. Marijuana isn't really considered to be a "harmful" drug anymore. The use of 'harder' drugs like cocaine is supposedly on the decline.
I can't emphasize enough the problems that having both parents work full-time outside of the home has caused, in my opinion. A lot of parents tend to overcompensate with material goods, which has created a generation who think that they are entitled to whatever they want.
Unprotected sex and drug use are bigger issues for certain immigrant and minority communities than they are for white or asian middle class families, and it has pretty much always been that way.
That said, it is much easier to raise your kids in the midwest than in other parts of the country. Cultural values are more conservative, so we don't feel like we're fighting as much against the "everyone else is doing it" model.
Re: Are women overprotective?
Amana you are very right in your observations. I have found myself wishing at times for the extended family type of life that many kids have "over there" but that isnt to be for my family. So we do our best here and will continue to do our best to keep our boys away from drugs, unprotected sex etc etc. Its a never-ending worry to be a parent no matter where you raise them, a never ending list of things that can go wrong, again no matter where you are. A good moral foundation is the thing they will need, the best protection you can give them.
Re: Are women overprotective?
Wow, makes me wonder how different things will be even 5-10 years from now, and what kind of society my baby will be growing up with. I do know I will be protective over my son, but at the same time not so overprotective that he is forced to lie and stuff to get out of the house. Its never good to overimpose strict rules on kids, and hopefully me and my husband will be able to teach him the right values by example so isn't lured into all the bad possibilities out there.
Re: Are women overprotective?
^ M03, I agree with you - it is a challenge, but I think that challenge is everywhere now. The cousins in Pakistan now run wild, and have girlfriends and boyfriends, and their parents pretend it doesn't happen.
I've lived in the joint family for a little while, and it made my life and my job as a parent so much more difficult. I can see how kids can easily be ignored under the pressures of waiting hand and foot on the elders and keeping up with the parties and such. Also the elders tend to be waay too permissive with the kids, and overrule the parents.
That said, a nuclear family isn't easy either :)
Re: Are women overprotective?
Parents rr basically the same everywhere, and kids r basically the same everywhere, u can make assumptions but they won't be accurate...it'll be more accurate to say all kids and all parents r not doing a good job, cuz there is still a problem here and overseas with drugs, and sex. Your personal experiences doesn't translate into truth. The kids will do what they want to do no matter what, it's in what environment they grew up with and what people/friends they are surrounded by, cuz there are parents here and there that r usually completely oblivious to what their kids are doing. Parents don't make the decisions the kids do, so I think its unfair how people often blame the parents for the kids.
Re: Are women overprotective?
Yes i do think that american moms are more overprotective of their children then moms back home. I know that i will be an overprotective mother because i am like that with my sisters kids.
This doesnt mean that one parenting style is better then the other. It's the end result that makes a difference. I have seen many overprotective mothers and many care-free mothers who go on to have normal children and vice versa.
Re: Are women overprotective?
I don't understand, shouldn't women be involved with their kids? I mean it has a bad effect when they grow up...cuz then they tend to live their own lives, and only see their mothers (or fathers) at the dinner table..if they get lucky.
Re: Are women overprotective?
Everybody has kids and loves them. However are current generation of western women over-protective to the point of being silly at times?
Re: Are women overprotective?
yes most definately....
although i must say i have noticed that non-muslim american moms are only involved in their childs life in the beginning and after they reach a certain age they let em go......those very same kids are the ones that barely see their parents and ironically its the care-free paki parents whose kids stick around.....hmmm interesting.
Re: Are women overprotective?
How so? Please give examples....I hold my sons' hands when crossing the street, they are 5 and under. They go outside only when they are supervised. I do not hire "babysitters". What else can comprise being overly protective to the point of being silly?