Are there really people like these out there...?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

:S

Since yesterday I’ve been thinking about this.

One of the sweetest, mildest mannerred girls I know, she belongs to a very decent and traditional family. She’s extremely decent and modest herself, a very compromising easy going person. She’s always excelled in her studies. And on top of all that she’s mashallah beautiful.

She’s divorced with a child, and I always used to wonder what could possibly make someone not remain married to her, she is such a gem.

Well I found out yesterday the reasons…

The guy was a first cousin of hers. He’d been a hostellite all his life in army schools and then an engineering college.

The things she told me that he did are not mentionable here, but he was definitely a very very morally corrupt person, drinking was probably his least worst habit, he had all the bad habits that a person could have.

He’s now married to their neighbor who’s much much older than him and who used to smoke and drink too and living somewhere in the US illegally. He had no respect for Quraan paak and used to forbid the girl I’m talking about from praying namaz.

The girl had nothing but words of praise for her mother in law and sister in law. They even were on her side. They knew about his habits but still got him married to her, thinking he’ll give up those habits after marriage, never informing the girl or her family about his habits. That didn’t happen though, he just got worse.

This is the second case I’ve heard like this…

Thankfully, she has bounced back, and is living with her family, leading a hardworking and respectable life, both her and her child.

Its so sad though to see that someone like that can come along and spoil someone else’s life like that…Its sooo unfair…

2

Two lessons..try before you buy and she should consider herself lucky. Obviously it was a forced family thing..

Feel bad about the daughter.

3

irem.........I am sorry to break this to you but this is a fact of life: there is both good and bad people in this world. Infact there is different kind of individuals ALL over the place yaar:not just in amrica or pak yaar. Its just a part of life :)
I used to thik life was a bed of roses, and everyone is nice out there etc until I had to move away from my family and work and live on my own. And boy was I amazed to see how naive and sheltered I was about things. So, living on my own was a real eye opener :)

4

Goes to show that not everyone in the East or Pakistani army come out decent. Wonder what all the hype is about sending your kids to boarding school when some of them come out like what Irem described.

5

Irem, quite frankly this blabber of yours about drinking is getting a bit too much. It only shows how much stubbornly close minded you're. A lot of ullu kay pathay mard who don't drink also divorce their wives. A lot of men who drink treat their wives with respect and love. This looks more like a case of that guy's being an ullu ka patha in terms of his overall attitude towards women and relationships and got nothing to do with his drinking. He'd have probably done the same even if he was not drinking.

Take my advice and stop shooting down people who drink 'cause one of these days someone is gonna tell you to shove it. Anyone is free to drink out of his/her choice much as you're free to live a musalah ridden life.

6

Matsui, definitely, the poor child is the one who’s lost the most…

Ira :slight_smile: we all know there’s good and bad people yaar, but v never actually realise it until v hear something like this…hayna? :confused:

Coconut quite sad init :S

Roman why are you talking like that :confused: I think I have a right to voice my opinion about drinking on this board :confused: Drinking is a bad habit. And so are some other habits. A bad person is a person who has bad habits. I’ve got many bad habits myself and I’m not claiming to be good but the truth cannot be denied that what’s wrong is wrong.

7

No, you're are not voicing your opinion, you're projecting your bias. You're biased against drinking because of your religion and due to the very bias you fail to seperate a person's character from his lifestyle or habit. You have no right whatsoever to call on that person's divorcing a nice woman and bring in drinking as his moral shortcoming that contributed to his wrongdoing. If you had an "opinion" you'd have not brought that up in this context.

The things she told me that he did are not mentionable here, but he was definitely a very very morally corrupt person, drinking was probably his least worst habit, he had all the bad habits that a person could have.

8

[quote]
Drinking is a bad habit.
[/quote]

Ya know Irem, Roman does have a point.

Drinking alcohol in excess is bad. Drinking alcohol is prohibited in Islam and that too after the people abused it so much.

Drinking alcohol doesn't necessarily make a person bad. However, the consumption of excessive alcohol does dull a person's senses.

A buddy of mine is going through this ordeal, helluva guy even when he's shot down a few too many, but his liver is rotten.

If I'm not mistaken, there are health benefits to drinking alcohol too. If it weren't for the abuse of alcohol Islam would allow it (I THINK, thats God's will ofcourse.)

Even though drinking alcohol does contribute to the behaviour of a person, it does not make a person bad but it makes them unaware of what they are doing. Some folks are just jerks to begin with and alcohol elevates their nasty behaviour.

9

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Roman: *
you fail to seperate a person's character from his lifestyle or habit
[/QUOTE]

Brother, I understand where you are coming from. I used to be caught up in the same thought process but not any more...

Don't you think that a person's lifestyle or habits define his character? If not, what else does?

Our Prophet (SAW) was a perfect human being because he had the best habits. he never indulged in bad habits.

Drinking is the root of many evils. When you are drunk you lose your senses. Alcohol affects your brain and has long term consequences on your mind. Drinking is not gunaah-e-kabeera or haraam without a reason...

We had an uncle in our neighborhood who was all the kids favorite uncle. He had a very sad personal life, his wives and kids had all left him, he used to drink but he was the one who gave us the most Eidi on Eid and brought little things for the kids. I pray he is in heaven now.

I never said all people who drink are bad, I don't have a right to say that, but there is no denying the fact that consuming alcohol is a bad habit in itself and also indirectly leads to other wrongs.

10

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CocoNut: *
Even though drinking alcohol does contribute to the behaviour of a person, it does not make a person bad but it makes them unaware of what they are doing. Some folks are just jerks to begin with and alcohol elevates their nasty behaviour.
[/QUOTE]

you said it Coconut bro... :S

drinking alcohol just makes everything worse... :S

and i dont know... :S i just know that alcohol is a gunaah-e-kabeera.... thats all i know...and committing sins is bad...no two ways about this...no logical justifications or excuses...

ALCOHOL IS HARAM

and thats that

11

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
ALCOHOL IS HARAM

and thats that
[/QUOTE]

Oye, I use it. Rubbing alcohol that is :p
Even in mouth wash, oh no i sipped some, uh oh :D

(my way of clarifying what is not haram)

12

*Irem: ALCOHOL IS HARAM
and thats that *

Roman: You're biased against drinking because of your religion and due to the very bias you fail to seperate a person's character from his lifestyle or habit.

Lets not go in circles people.

Roman, muslims have a habit of being on the high horse. They are right even when they are wrong. You should drop it and let the woman scream.

13

Coconut :smiley:

Fayz when was i “screaming”? :bummer:

I did assume though that Roman was Muslim :confused: If you’re not, then I’m sorry and the whole discussion then does not apply. Islam doesn’t allow a Muslim woman to marry a non Muslim man, maybe this is why…? because women can never separate religion from morality and if the man is Muslim then he also has the same guidelines for morality so its easier for them to get along ? I dono…just a thought

The thread seems to be taking an ugly turn :bummer: so I better leave.,

salams

14

When you meet a stranger, do you hand him/ her a questionnaire on his /her beliefs and then if they don’t satisfy you…you duck and leave?
I have never see someone so judgmental as yourself.
You should treat ppl as humans first and then as alcholic, kafir, muslim..or what not :rolleyes:

15

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
because women can never separate religion from morality

[/QUOTE]

Why not?

All it takes is an IQ

16

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
Our Prophet (SAW) was a perfect human being because he had the best habits. he never indulged in bad habits.
[/QUOTE]

Irem, you claim to be such a muslimah, you of all people should know that the Prophet's message was perfect, but he as a person was NOT perfect, he made mistakes too, he WAS human after all.

Infact, in the Quran, God chastizes the Prophet for making a mistake when he ignored a poor man and instead decided to give more importance to a rich man.

17

Some of these replies are really ridiculous.

Ahem anyway Irem the bottom line is-
there are all kinds of guys.It doesnt mean he was an idiot due to the fact that he drank or because he was in the army.

The truth of the matter is the girl and her family should have gotten to know him first.That way this wouldnt have happened.

However since it did- nothing can be done now.The girl is mashaAllah doing well, and hopefully she'll find somebody better than the last fool.

18

If shi vaz such a "good" muslim gurl, y did shi git a divorz? dont gud muslim gurlz jus shut up n tayk it lyk it iz?

n u say shi vas easy going n cud compromyz? but vas shi reali?

mayb it vas da gurl's fault as much as da guyz?

19

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by 7531598246: *
If shi vaz such a "good" muslim gurl, y did shi git a divorz? dont gud muslim gurlz jus shut up n tayk it lyk it iz?

n u say shi vas easy going n cud compromyz? but vas shi reali?

mayb it vas da gurl's fault as much as da guyz?
[/QUOTE]

I am sorry u don't make any sense "may b it was girl's fault ..."
in your mind u think a "good muslim girl" doesn't have a right to speak up...I disagree with u. your absolutely wrong there caz girls have a right to speak as much as any normal human beings would like to and do u want them to suffer and sacrifice all the time??? Listen Mr…. girls have their own life and heart too...They are not born so guys can do harmful thing to them and do whateva they want with them…don’t respect them and just tell them to shut up caz a “good Muslim girl” don’t speak up…That’s not ISLAM… don’t combine our paki culture and ur stupid thinking with Islam… CHANGE UR THINKING PLZ….

20

Re: Are there really people like these out there...?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *

The girl had nothing but words of praise for her mother in law and sister in law. They even were on her side. They knew about his habits but still got him married to her, thinking he'll give up those habits after marriage, never informing the girl or her family about his habits. That didn't happen though, he just got worse.

This is the second case I've heard like this...
[/QUOTE]

That is a very comon problem in desi society but you can not blame one party , both sides are equally responsible.

Although boys side didnt told any thing to girls side before marriage. but girls side was not blind unless other wise girls side was to much over taken by the joy of gettign their daughter married to an army officer that they forgot to investigate about the boy.

i mean comon if the boy got those kind of habits as described above its no that hard to find out and specially in pakistan , and if this is the case of my daughter or sister i will get the whole biodata of the family and i will simply not depend on the information given by boys side.