Are matches "made in Heaven"?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How many of you believe that marriages are “made in Heaven”?

The reason I ask this is that I find a lot of women believe this. What exactly is meant by that statement?

If a woman marries a man who ends up beating his wife, would you then say the match was made in Heaven? Did the women not really have a choice?

If we are taught that we will be responsible for the decisions we make in life, for the most part, why is this decision not included? Or to what degree is it included?

If a man marries and divorces 5 different women, were all the matches “made in Heaven”?

If I say that a match was made in Heaven, who takes blame when things don’t work out?

Do you believe that Allah wants you to have a spouse that mistreats you? Or do you believe it is some sort of punishment or trial you must go through in this life as a test? How do you interpret it?

Let’s say a spouse wants to have 2 extra marital affairs on the side, and had these intentions all along, even before the marriage took place. Would you still say the match was made in Heaven?

Finally, there is the hadith about things we look for in a spouse, and how a persons iman should be considered in making the choice. What do you think about this?

I don’t often hear women who are married, that are unhappy, make such comments. It’s usually the single ones, or the ones that are happily married.

I wonder if the women who often stay in bad marriages, use this as part of their reasoning to stay, instead of leaving.

Thoughts? Thanks

2

Re: Are matches "made in Heaven"?

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
How many of you believe that marriages are “made in Heaven”?

[/QUOTE]

With a 52% divorce rate in America, I'd say they are made in hell!

3

I believe in fate.

4

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CurruptAngel: *
I believe in fate.
[/QUOTE]

Currupt, please elaborate.

The fact is that everything that happens is fate if you believe in fate. But the fact also remains that we make choices and are responsible for them. Therefore I'd like to know how you feel about the above things I have mentioned, and how you differentiate. I'd basically like an elaboration on your statement and anyone elses of "I believe in fate." Not to take a stab at it, but to simply understand it. Thanks.

5

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Speaking from my own experience, matches are generally made at campus parties.

Luxitem, you don't have to mention 52% rate in every other thread. Give it a rest. There's more to the world outside of USA. Trust me. It is a big big world, There are some 190 countries. Have you ever traveled outside of the US? It is pretty nice once you take off.
[/QUOTE]

Why is 52% bothering you?

6

It may be a healthy sign of a very unhealthy society. As much as you love the US and it's society, sobering up to the realities would do you a lot of good: like not looking like a brown nosing jackass :D

I'll post some more stats for your edification...all in due time.

7

What would be more interesting is the splitting of the assets when this ^^ couple divorces. It's usually 50/50 but we shall see. :D

8

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *

Currupt, please elaborate.

The fact is that everything that happens is fate if you believe in fate. But the fact also remains that we make choices and are responsible for them. Therefore I'd like to know how you feel about the above things I have mentioned, and how you differentiate. I'd basically like an elaboration on your statement and anyone elses of "I believe in fate." Not to take a stab at it, but to simply understand it. Thanks.
[/QUOTE]

Well, what I believe is that we are responsible for "our" choices but how others treat us or do to us cannot entirely be a result of our choices and it can/does depend on actions and intentions of others too which IMO, is our fate. For example, a person can be perfect spouse and still be mistreated by his/her life partner and vice versa. I think that is fate. Like in our society, there are many women who are faithful and loving to their husbands but their husbands still mistreat them and cheat on them. Can we say that they're being treated like that because they made wrong choices? Not enitrely, right? Infact, they may not have given a right to make a choice at all! You are responsible for your own actions but what other person does to you is IN your fate. :)

I don't know if the obove will make sense to you. :S

9

I don't believe in "fate" or "one true love."

I think marriages require a lot of hard work and commitment to each other. Both people have to want to make it work, or 1)the marriage will survive but to the detriment of one member or 2) the marriage will fall apart.

I don't know if Allah wants us to have bad experiences -- however, I do think we learn and grow from every experience we have. And we are given our minds and our friends and family in order to provide strength and support and guidance. I think the passive "it is this way because it was meant to be this way" that many (women) take is unfair and irresponsible. We are not expected to simply suffer in stagnant lives.

10

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by Sahar02: *
I think the passive "it is this way because it was meant to be this way" that many (women) take is unfair and irresponsible. **We are not expected to simply suffer in stagnant lives.*
[/QUOTE]

You're saying this because you were taught to stand up for yourself and fight for your rights but what about those who weren't given an opportunity to learn to speak for their rights? Haven't you seen those type of people? What about those who know their rights but still can't fight for them because the community they live in or a particular condition they are in is against them? Are they still responsible for the wrong that is done to them? There are a lot of things that can go wrong in marriage and many times you won't even have a chance or opportunity to make a "choice" and may be controlled by others.

11

hmmm Munni i have heard that when a person is born three things r predestined for the person

place and time of death and who the person is gona marry

12

Fate brings you together with whom you are destined to be with but the guiding factor in fate/destiny is your own actions. Allah mian has given us the facility of intelligence to use our minds and make our own decisions freely, however, understand that the end-result choices you make in life were destined all along for you and you arrived there by making your own decisions, having been guided by the choices that Allah mian had set down for you. The way I’m explaining it may sound confusing but I this is how I see it…you are given choices in life and Allah mian/fate/destiny helps guide you in our decision-making.

Also, aren’t there certain things that are pre-destined for a human being, according to the holy Koran? (ex. life, death, etc.?)

:flower1:

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
hmmm Munni i have heard that when a person is born three things r predestined for the person

place and time of death and who the person is gona marry
[/QUOTE]

What is the reference for this irem? Thanks.

14

Munni honestly i have no idea :bummer:

one of my close friends who is very religious told me this

15

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by CurruptAngel: *

You're saying this because you were taught to stand up for yourself and fight for your rights but what about those who weren't given an opportunity to learn to speak for their rights? Haven't you seen those type of people? What about those who know their rights but still can't fight for them because the community they live in or a particular condition they are in is against them? Are they still responsible for the wrong that is done to them? There are a lot of things that can go wrong in marriage and many times you won't even have a chance or opportunity to make a "choice" and may be controlled by others.
[/QUOTE]

No, I don't think people are "responsible" for the wrong done to them. I just think we shouldn't raise our children to be passive and "take it" without trying to change things for the better in someway. But of course, if you aren't raised with that option in mind, you won't exercise it. I understand that.

16

Hey Munni,
i had the same questions, but rather than asking the guppies i read the Holy Quran and found the answers i was lookin for, :D i believe thats the best thing to do, but thats just me.
Hazrat Ali once said "main nay apnay iradoon ki shikast(defeat) say khuda ko pehchana(recognized) hai"
so that means that you can plan all you want in your life but the only thing thats actually gonna happen is whats in your destiny(sp?) but that doesnt' mean you shouldn't plan :D
another thing that i came accross in the Quran was in Surah Younas, Ayat 149, or 169, Plz don't quote me on that I'll get back to you with the exact ayat, but it is somewhere along those ayat, where it says that our profit and loss is in the hands of god and if he wants he can make us suffer or make us happy. There are thousands of other examples in the Quran to help us and guide us, if you have any question just look in the Quran :), i hope it helps :)
so in conclusion its all in the hands of God. i personally believe in Fate :)

17

Thanks for the reply rimsh.

I asked here because I'd like to hear guppies views, as I know everyones views are different.

If you can provide more references of what you mentioned, would be great. Thanks.

18

Why do people think about getting married so much.

19

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hiccup: *
Why do people think about getting married so much.
[/QUOTE]

Wait another 10 years or so and you will get it.

20

I believe your fate is what you make it. I believe Allah mian gives us all opportunities ... and it is up to us to either act on them or leave them behind. Your fate is in your hands.