So this thread is because on the weekend we have get together and at this get together there will be this girl from Lahore, who is my age and whose mother is friends with my mother, and my parents want me to get to know her. They said she also interested in meeting me. My parents are slightly more conservative but she is from a liberal family. I am also liberal in beliefs. I am assuming she is liberal in beliefs and will be ok talking to me. If not then the rest of this doesn’t matter. Thing is most Pakistani or desi girls i have come across, apart from family, have been born or been brought up in the West. They are quite Westernised and so i am a little out of touch with how Pakistanis back home behave. I don’t want to come across disrespectful. If i liked a desi girl here i would get to know her a little bit in a one on one setting and then we would decide about making it an official rishta. That might not be how things happen in Pakistan.
I would like to be friends with her so that I know friends from Pakistan to learn more about how life is for her. To know about what goals she has in life and what pressures she has to face. But if we like each other and there is compatibility then there is always chance for rishta. I’m not going to be closed minded about it. So when we meet it will be in a family setting making it harder to chat in private. I am guessing it will be a slightly segregated event and with eyes on us it might be hard to talk in private unless i get her phone number and we sms each other. Is it appropriate, if we both like each other and she likes me, to ask her out for coffee/lunch/dinner or a get together where it’s her and maybe some of my friends. Like maybe a movie? Or would that sound like i’m being very serious about it?
I want to actually get to know someone before committing to anything. Last time i was too rushed and my rishta broke up. What is dating like in Pakistan? Should i get her something for the first time we meet? Would flowers or chocolates be too personal and would something neutral like a handbag be more appropriate? It might act as a souvenir of our time together. If she asks me if I am single or about my past is it ok to tell her complete details of how my rishta didn’t work out and how i was a cheated on? How now im cautious but still open minded about relationships. That way i’m letting her know what she is in for so she can decide if she wants to put in effort. I wouldn’t really be nosy or want to know her past unless she wants to tell me. Maybe i can reasure her about that.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
I am not sure if buying anything for the first meet is a good idea. If her family is quite liberal, they may not even object to you two going out.
Personally, instead of going out on date, I would just communicate via phone/email. In person talk is always essential, but instead of going out, you can do that in house, or in close proximity to the house. In my case, we sat in the living room while our parents were talking in the dining area. Wish you best of luck.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
I am not sure if buying anything for the first meet is a good idea. If her family is quite liberal, they may not even object to you two going out.
Personally, instead of going out on date, I would just communicate via phone/email. In person talk is always essential, but instead of going out, you can do that in house, or in close proximity to the house. In my case, we sat in the living room while our parents were talking in the dining area. Wish you best of luck.
That's what i thought. Might sound forward. Maybe in next couple of meetings. If they are ok with us going out and meeting in public place maybe with others. Phone and text messages are good but chatting face to face to see if we get along is also important. I thought maybe if i organised a dinner for us at my place if it is just us might seem too forward? I will meet her at my place on weekend but there will be no privacy and it might be segregated. Might see if i can try talking to her in another part of the house alone. Might seem awkward.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
Pcormac.....where are you originally from? Are you done with your education or pursuing higher studies? Just curious.
I am originally from karachi bt lived in the west all my life at different places. My mindset is more western i guess. I am done with studies for now but I am working. I plan to do graduate studies like MBA later.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
What is your profession boy? How much moneys you make?
Butt saab you want to know all my sources of income :) I am architect by day, fashion designer by night but i can role play engineer or doctor if it helps. Combined income from architecture and consulting where i help my dad is reasonable 6 digit figure. I would not want a girl to choose me for my income so i will not reveal that to her.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
Plz dont get her a gift on ur first time out... That would be considered creepy... If ur rishta becomes Pakka then u can get her a gift on ur first time out. And I don't think meeting in person after ur first official meeting at home is necessary. Personally I would feel more at ease getting to know the person on the phone. Email not so much. Whatsapp or chat is good too to break the ice but Ithink phone would be the best. Emailing and texting requires too much typing and u might not share enough or as spontaneously as a live phone conversation just because of the typing involved.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
I would talk on the phone first and then in person at your home or hers with the family there. After getting to know her this way then I would ask if it is OK to go out.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
Just that if she does have a punjabi accent (that u will immediately pick up if u r Urdu speaking) u should be willin to look past it and know her for who she is. If she fits otherwise then don't worry about her accent, Urs and ur Urdu will probably rub off on her (could be the other way around too). And also punjabis are more straightforward and say it like it is which u might just see as being less tactful (if u don't have any punjabi friends then maybe u should be prepared for that) ofcourse since this is a rishta meeting they will be putting their game face on but for future phone chats that's a heads up.
I say this from experience because when I watch tv dramas with my mom we openly diss the character that's being a ***** but when I'm watching with my mil, she's polite even discussing the negatives of a tv actor playing a character (so I just follow her lead and keep my mouth shut except for adding Ji Ji aap sahi keh rahi Haen)
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
I would talk on the phone first and then in person at your home or hers with the family there. After getting to know her this way then I would ask if it is OK to go out.
Thanks for the advice. I like to learn from those who have been there done that. I will try to talk to her before we meet on Sunday. Maybe get to know her in phone and then in person as she will be here for at least some time.
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
Just that if she does have a punjabi accent (that u will immediately pick up if u r Urdu speaking) u should be willin to look past it and know her for who she is. If she fits otherwise then don't worry about her accent, Urs and ur Urdu will probably rub off on her (could be the other way around too). And also punjabis are more straightforward and say it like it is which u might just see as being less tactful (if u don't have any punjabi friends then maybe u should be prepared for that) ofcourse since this is a rishta meeting they will be putting their game face on but for future phone chats that's a heads up.
I say this from experience because when I watch tv dramas with my mom we openly diss the character that's being a ***** but when I'm watching with my mil, she's polite even discussing the negatives of a tv actor playing a character (so I just follow her lead and keep my mouth shut except for adding Ji Ji aap sahi keh rahi Haen)
At least she can speakl Punjabi. I only know some words. My urdu accent is not that great but i can speak. She could also reject me for that. I will look past it and hope she does as well. What about personal space? Should i keep lot of distance between us and make sure i give personal space? How much personal space is important? I guess it's good to be direct rather than hide behind nice words. So if she doesn't like me she will tell me straight up?
Yeh we can watch dramas together and discuss the positives and negatives of characters from different perspective. Do Pakistani girls watch the comedy and reality shows or really only dramas like humsafar, zindagi gulzar hai and mujhe Khuda pe yakeen hai?
Re: Are girls from Pakistan really different to girls raised in the west?
Don't call her before u meet, It would make u seem too interested or desperate. Just wait for the meeting see how it goes and take it from there. When u meet her if u just keep theconversation casual as if ur just meeting her cuz they're guests at ur house then it will put her at ease. No need to have a heavy heart conversation about religion and politics and life aims and goals and number of kids. Just general stuff like what she does what u do, if she's recently arrived how shes finding everything, does she miss her friends/family a lot or has settled in now, made any new friends, what she misses about home, what she likes thats different here and dislikes, whatever , the weather etc. if the conversation just flows you'll find out more about each other rather than if u had an interview prepared for her.
And personal space ... Plz I think unless ur like the awkward guys that I was talking about I think u will know what normal personal space is. Just sit close enough so that u don't have to be talking at a louder than usual conversation level to make urself heard.
