Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

The guy never had a single conversation with the girl before marrying her? :confused:

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Scary.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

there was a rishta for my cousin (girl). Every thing was almost done, she lives in US, they live in uae. A week before the wedding, the girl side decided to get ready for paperwork etc. What they found out was that he had different date of birth and name as well in all his paperwork ... diff DOB in passport, diff in school transcript and different in birth certificate. Needless to say, it didn’t happen after that

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

I don't understand the mentality of these kind of people. If they think the guy will say no if he finds out before marriage, he can still divorce her after marriage. What does lying achieve?

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Its harder to break it after marriage! So people take their chances :-(.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

OMG. This is a form of child abuse. What kind of parents deny their girls an education? Even basic literacy?

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

They can get a rishta that they wouldn't otherwise be able to get. And since the stigma of breaking marriages still exists, most families will get the girl / boy to stay by pressuring them to "compromise"

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

What soconfused said.. or advising the girl to get pregnant asap so hubby won’t want to leave - they hope :rolleyes:

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Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids?

Had a rishta once where the guys side was very eager to get things done. Claimed they were all green card holders and would get citizenship soon (I am Canadian, so it was a sponsorship issue). During my dads investigation into the family, he found out they were all in US as refugees.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

wowie

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Why is that an issue? Its a paperwork nightmare, but quite common in Pakistan.

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I don't know... Cuz the ethical thing to do is to tell the girl's family that "hey I have different DOB for most of my documents and the true reason why this is so is...."

I'll be freaked out and turned off if I found out the guy I'm about to marry has a diff DOB in all his documents. I would wonder about his real age and also wonder why this wasn't told to me before.

A close friend frm Bangladesh has different DOB on his documents and that's because his parents made some errors during immigration. This friend tells all his friends about it. We know he has diff bday (including year of birth) in his bangaleshi documents and diff bday on current ones.that's being clear.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

The main concern was immigration. It wouldn’t have been approved anyways with different last names in some document and different in others. Also DOB were totally different. The girl was not prepared to spend her life in UAE if the guys immigration doesnt get approved, she had her whole career here. It was too much of a risk to marry the girl off and hope documents get approved. Also, there was doubt that the guy had connections to some ‘religious organization/tanzeem’ in the past due to which he had to change his name.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

^ I can only imagine the red flags that case would raise… I’m sure causing issues for the family that would be applying for the guy’s visa.

Isn’t it super common for people in Pakistan (mostly girls, but def guys as well) to lie about their age? Not just for rishta process, but over all?

So I have a question… How does someone lie about their education during the rishta process? Do people really just take the other family’s word? Is it weird or unacceptable to ask for proof? Like “hey, let’s see that degree you’re so proud of!” nudge nudge, wink wink. .. Ok Maybe there could be another way to ask, but seriously? A major decision that, Insha Allah, will last for ever… You just take the other person’s word and hope they’re good people? :bummer:

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Lying happens in cases where both sides are complete strangers. It’s difficult to verify information. Some people don’t like to provide information. Look up a recent thread from PCG about court documents she found online posted in a public website, and even to that some posters were saying to not bother looking because it shouldn’t matter.

I have heard of people straight up asking to see the degree, green card and various other documents. I am sure some people mind, and don’t want to show it.

Umm.. welcome to arranged or “whatever the new term is where the guy and girl get to know each other briefly” marriage.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Are you serious?

He lies about DOB, his school transcript (so prolly went to some other school entirely), and his birth certificate...

WOW.

You wanna marry your daughter to him? Please , go ahead and show us that we're being nakhraybaaz aurtein.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

In my family, at least when before my sister got married, my parents straight up asked for the diploma copy or job letter. In other cases, if a person is a physician or high up in management their profile is already on hospital’s/company website so its much easier. Usually, sincere and educated people don’t seem to mind. These concerns are valid. Would you marry your daughter to a totally strange guy (even though you have been talking to them, asked other people/neighbors etc about them) who lives in a different state, 100 of miles away and claims to be XYZ and have a job at xcx?? With so many stories going around that people are not being honest before marriage, its good to cover your bases. Marriage in our culture are not disposable like most westerners nowadays. Its a huge commitment . If I go for an arranged marriage, and someone ask for my degrees, it wouldn’t be a problem for me

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

^ Agreed. If the guy is getting offended, too bad, his problem. If someone wanted to confirm my claims, I'd be happy to supply them the proof, and they could background search me, detective search me all they want.

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Re: Anyone here old enough to have gone through the rishta process for their own kids

Serious questions, not being snarky at all.........

  1. what was the bigger issue? the lying about being green card holders or being refugees?
  2. is being a refugee a bad thing?