I have got a friend I have known for ages, since college. She’s one of the girls that you would confide everything with, she’s understanding, intelligent, funny, fun to be around, a family girl, never does anything wrong, She has never been in a relationship, never had boyfriend even though she’s been asked out by many. She left college and went for further studies and MasAllah did very well and got great qualifications.
She’s got one older sister that got married at a very young age straight after she left school to her khalas sons after her khala constantly kept asking for her rishta for many many years. The cousin she got married to was like 10years older then her and turned out to be a right idiot. He treats her bad, treats her family bad and doesn’t appreciate that after so much time and her mums continues asking they gave the rishta to them.
To make matters worse, one day khala said to her sister that her mum came to them and gave the rishta to them, they never even asked for it.
Anyway going back to my mate, she’s one of those girls that are busy working and studying and living with her family and never interfered in anyone’s life or personal matters. However every step of life was a struggle for her, first her dad was always giving her brothers priority, sons were everything to him, his daughters were just something that he has to put up with for the sake of saving face in the world, he did not want anything to do with them, he wanted to get them married asap so that he would not have to see them day in day out that’s why he got her sister married straight after she left school. He did not want my mate to go to college or go into further education (university), but she did with the support of her mum.
Her brothers made her life hard for her but putting all sorts of ridiculous restrictions, not that she did anything bad anyway. Then older brothers got married, sisters in law made life hard for them but they still respected them as that is what they’re mum taught them, to respect others. She suffered for years, if not by her immediate family then by the extended family.
She passed driving test and couple of months later found some paper planted in one of the car seats, not knowing what it was, she gave it to her mum, who get them read and was worried for her as someone had left taveez in her car.
She did not believe in these things until her health became worse day by day and doctors did not know what it was.
Anyway as soon as one problem resolved another started. It got to a point where she is getting old now and not married, her mum is worried now as not being able to find a good rishta, her mum told her to find someone because her mum is scared of what happened with her older sister does not happen to her, even though she refused to this they eventually talked her round to finding someone herself.
She met this guy through a friend, she wasn’t attracted to him at first but got to know him and started to like him. She introduced him to her family and the guys family asked for her rishta. The girls’ family are from a stable so-called big khandaan where as the guys family are quite poor and still working their way up.
Her family did not have an issue at first as the guy is very well educated and thought he can make something of his life, they got engaged and she become more and more attached to him, and then the problem started again.
Her parents now are saying couple of months after the engagement that they don’t think he is good enough for her, as he’s from a poor background, his family background is bad (don’t know why they said that as they aren’t criminals) and allsorts of others things that are not even relevant.
She is now emotionally attached to him and very close to him and is getting pressured into breaking engagement by the whole family. She feels that she was first pressured into finding a suitable match for herself and now she is getting forced into breaking it.
She’s become an emotional wreck, doesn’t know what to do, who to talk to, she given up on life. She says Allah has not been fair to her, she’s so bad kismet that every time she does something right it backfires. She has lost faith in everything; she says she doesn’t know what she has done that she gets punished every time.
She looks at girls around her who do everything wrong and still get everything they want in life, but all she has ever wanted was a simple life, nothing much, even that seems to mush to ask now.
It’s come to a point that she has started to question Allah; she’s losing faith day by day. She been looking after her parents when they were extremely ill and bed ridden, when no one wanted to come near them, she was there for them, when the sons deserted them, she was there for them but she feels that still she is being punished.
All she ever wanted was to be loved and now she has got love from someone she can’t have that either. She was a head strong person, she never let anything get her down, but she now admits that it is getting too much for her.
She has stopped talking to friends, stopped socialising (she was the heart of any gathering no matter how much she was hurting from inside), she stays quite where ever she does or sits alone in corner (once she was the centre of attention).
Everyone has noticed this but she won’t talk to anyone about it. She feels she has been let down by every relation, betrayed and extremely hurt. I don’t know what to do. Can anyone give any suggestions? Have tried to tell her there are people out there in worse situations then this but I guess you have to be in her place to feel what she is feeling, nothing I say makes any effect. She just says I am ok, don’t worry about me and leaves.
I don’t expect any miracle remedy, but some suggestions on how to help her feel better about herself. Many thanks