I have logged on gupshup after a long time and was surprised to read all that has been said in the’FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON" dilemma.
The interesting thing is that mostly its the men complainaing and telling stories ,what about the larkiyan,hasnt anyone had or is having a difficult time finding a reasonably decent man in the gora land.
I know someone who is here in usa and is going through a hell of problem finding a normal decent guy cause mostly there are two kind of men available,the real gor atype or popularly known as ABCD or otherwise the those who either have too many expectations from the other party or are still going through the cultural shock,i guess.
Anyway her family is still hopeful that they would find a reasonable man for her but some of the stories she had to tell were very surprising,particularly those related to the way men think!
About those websites,the shdee dot com and isna are not really great,i know cuz she has tried both,i am not discouraging anyone but thought i should share the experience.
By the way my friend has not lost hope though she has taken admission inLSE and hopes would find someone in LOndon!!!
hehe... if u read all the threads in Health and Relationships... u'll see that a lot more females are going thru this problem.... we're all in the same boat here... :)
i checked out the website muslim gathering and they seem to be an interesting bunch of people,is anyone going to there gathering in DC on the 27 of sept?any first hand experiences,would love to know about it.
tutu, i think shaadi dot com is great for ppl looking to find ppl in pakistan, as i believe most of its posters are in india and pakistan, but i know one couple who met on it. isna matrimonials is new, but there are other sites as well. by no means should it(looking online) be the only method used.
i know quite a few girls facing this dilemma. also know lots of guys facing it. the problem comes in for me when u dont know either side too well, should you recommend someone.
the dilemma isnt in finding rishtas, its finding compatible rishtas. and recently yes ive been hearing from friends thats its hard to find a well balanced guy. and from guys ive been hearing its hard to find good girls. sigh
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Originally posted by Munni: *
the dilemma isnt in finding rishtas, its finding compatible rishtas. and recently yes ive been hearing from friends thats its hard to find a well balanced guy. and from guys ive been hearing its hard to find good girls. *sigh
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tell me about it...i think that seems to be the only thing on every1's mind lately! it is very difficult to find ppl, esp nowadays...
and i'm not the kind to go looking either...so, i guess he would have to find me...and that s the only way we'll meet...
its difficult to even figure out what u should do and how?
I know people who met through ISNA - not the web site but the physical events. And I do know people who will be going to the DC even but I dont know more then that.
Everyone has very different expectations for the other person so its hard to match people up. If only people selected the essentials from the non-essentials it would be so much easier. That combined with the different times at which men and women feel they are mature enough to get married, its surprising so many people still manage to get married.
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*Originally posted by zidee: *
its difficult to even figure out what u should do and how?
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I think a simple "hi" should be a good start. :)
hmcq - i don't know about that!
hi leads to conversation, conversation leads to getting to know the other person, which isn't always all good. and then u find out things about the other person, and how they lie and then......... there's goodbye to another "hello"!
go ahead and call me a pessimist! i already know i am!
hmcq:saying a hi and starting off...well here is a story one of my friends elder sister was finding a aman for her and one day they got a call from the larka ki saide that the larka would like to talk to larkee and the larkee ki sister said it was okay,the guy called and everytime was very exhausted as he is a surgeon working in new york,rings bells,anyway a month passed and he only called twice to say when they should meet.Finally he calls up on her cell phone and says where would u like to meet,the girl had a couple of friends around while talking to him and simply said anywhere u wpould like and later came back home and told the guy that she could only meet him at home with her family cuz she didnt even know him!this larka very laughingly says well thats fine as he wasnt the one who said "meeting anywhere"...phew.
to sum up this larka has still not been able to meet the girl ,although he called again to say he was trying hard to find time,but somewhere the larkee thinks maybe he took her saying that they can meet anywhere in the wrong sense categorizing her as someone very TEZ...heheheh.
Although i personally think there could be a genuine reason why he is not being able toi come over but then he would have told her so and if this was the reason he concluded everything upon he really needs to mature mentally.Men have their ways i guess!
But just a little note to all those men reading thisplease give things a little time,most of the times things are not the way they look and only time factor helps both the parties.
Munni;i agree a hundred percent with u that the problem is not finding rishta but finding a compatible rishta!
If any of the ladies know about the muslim gatherings at DC andwant to go please do let me know.
I believe we should try to see each other as simply ppl - maybe not put so much emphasis on differences between men and women. Just like sometimes I meet other girls I do not care for as friends, same way I have met guys that my family and I decided were not even worth my friendship. Maybe if we meet others without expectations of anything more than friendship, we may be happily surprised when we find someone so compatible and likable that we would wish to share our lives with that person;)
Tutu I have one word for you - Doc :)
Why doesnt she look for an engineer or someone else. I find that a docs tend to think of themseleves as gods gift to mankind and we tend to give them that impression. I say this when I have docs in my family and some of my best friends are all docs. However the typical doc I have met is arrogant and has little time for anything other then himself.
personally I would not say hes taking that as tez but perhaps hes undecided about whether he should meet or not or she is sorta her back up plan. I know that sounds awful but I happen to know guys and gals who have done that. And for now hes just dragging her along to see how his other chances work out.
:k:
all those who aren't honest to themself have problems finding a 'suitable' mate.
flame away.
^ what do you mean honest to themselves?
hmcq;if he is keeping her as a back up,he needs to be more mature about it.where are the things that our parents taught us,the human values etc or was it all crap.What i did not tell u initially was that this surgeon was already married and a divorcee and with a lil girl and my friend initially had said no infact her parents didnt consider but then she said maybe it was being mean and at least we shopuld meet him and this guy if at all keeps her for back up then i am sure he doesnt deserve her...phew!
and i dont agree with u about the doctors wali story,not all are like that,trust me!!!:)
I completely agree not all are like that. However courtsey of my family I get to go to the Pakistani docs convention every year and I must say a significant majority are like that. And by the way one of my very best friends is a doc so I know there are humble kind out there as well.
And if you think I am not been honest here about the doc think, do you think your friend would have been equally entertaining to the idea if the guy was just a teacher? There is a certain amount of respect attached to the persons financial value (and I wouldnt critisize that at all). However I find that a fair number tend to over do it just cause of that.
And trust me parents do the back up thing as well. I can say there are people who I know would or have done it in the past. so its not really a values thing. As a litmus test I would say if a person doesnt have time for you when you are in the initial stages of a "relationship" then he/she would most likely not have time when you do actually get married, cause this is the wooing and time of courtship so to speak, where people tend to be most attentive and spend the greatest amount of efforts. And unless your friend is really that desperate, she should just pass on the guy would be my advice.
hmcq
ofcourse this story was left far behind and she moved on to pursue her Masters,i narrated the whole thing only to share what a lot of people are going through.
My friend is not at all in to doctors,its just that this particular chap was one.
I agree withe the fact that people in the medical profession do try to cash on their reputation as much as they can cuz no doubt there is a lot of respect attached to it,specially the new MD's if u know what i mean,they think they can rule the world after getting the khitab...
actually... there is a very kewl doc on GS.. but she/he has never actually stated her/his profession :)
most doc's i know a pretty kewl and very humble....
^ hey sadzzz,
WHY HAVE U NOT TOLD ME ABOUT HIM??? 
is he cute? single??? c’mon tell me already!!! i’m dying to know 
hehehehe ummmmm cus its not a he