i am writing a novel. wrote about 300 pages but i need feedback on it. so i will post parts of it everyday so you guys can give me feedback on that particular part. what do you guys think? Everyday i will post 5 pages of the story together in this thread. will await your feedback with baisabry. Happy Reading.
Part 1
“I have gone through so many things that it is unbelievable that over the years how I have tolerated them”
“Mother I do not wish to go to this tuition, it is in Ajman”
“Do you wish to get good grades in your IGCSE?”
“Well yes but it is like you are going to the slums or something always there is a sewer leak or something and it’s absolutely awful”
“You got to give something to get something, sacrifice for good grades”
“Well yes you are true I guess I can sacrifice”
“That’s my girl”
The car came to a stop outside the building where Any’s tuition teacher lived. She came out and took out her bag from the back seat and went up to the flat not before saying Allah Hafiz to her mother. Any climbed the stairs and knocked on her teacher’s door. Her Aunty opened the door and she went in. She always called her tuition teacher aunty to give her more respect, she was also from Pakistan. She had a small boy called Abdullah, which Any was fond of; Whenever she went to tuition, she played with him and brought him gifts. Abdullah was 1 years old and his birthday was coming. Her best mate Dee was always too absorbed in her own life and whenever she did talk to Any was when they were both in tuition. Anyways today when
Any went and sat Dee was not there. Promptly she asked aunty why she was not there, she said that they are stuck in traffic and they are coming do not worry. Any took a sigh of relief because she wanted to tell Dee something. It was a boy called Ali who she first met in Jumbo Electronics. They were both there with their fathers to buy laptops. Anyways Any’s eye caught his and they kept on looking at each other through out the time. Later Any found out that they had shifted in the empty villa in front of their house and she was delighted. When Any’s mother got to know that a Pakistani family has shifted in front of their house she quickly made good acquaintance with them and invited them over. They came to their house for dinner and throughout the time Ali kept on looking at Any, cautiously stealing glances at her. This was yesterday night and today she wanted to tell Dee all about him. Another curious thing about him was that he did body building in his garage!!! It is not a big thing if you think of it but it was for Any. At night when Any used to read books sitting in her garage he used to body build, when Any was not there then he did not. Although they had not spoken to each other, they had fallen in love already. Any was thinking about Ali when the doorbell sounded and she smiled, ah, Dee is here I will tell her about him. Dee came storming into the room, Any wanted to ask her what is wrong but she kept quite. Dee did not speak to her about anything throughout the time. At last, she said
“A friend of mine has moved into your community, it is so far I can’t believe it now I have lost 2 friends to that wretched Arabian Ranches.”
“Is that why you were not speaking to me.”
“Yes I am angry at you for moving there and I am angry at him”
“Him?”
“Yes he is a net friend, and we were about to meet because before he used to live near my house in Sharjah”
“Oh okay…..
Any was going to tell her about Ali when her phone rang and she picked it up. After sometime, she said to Dee that her mother was here and she had to go
“Before the call came you were going to tell me something?”
“Yes but mom is waiting and I have to go”
Any wished she could somehow tell Dee but her mother always scolded her for being late so she went. During her trip to her home, she kept on thinking about him, his hazel eyes, his long silky flowing hair and him in general. When she reached her house, she saw him sitting in his garage working out. His eye caught hers and she quickly moved them away and went inside. At night, as usual when Any went outside to read in her garage she found a letter addressed to her name, very surprised she opened it and surprise, surprise it was from Ali. The letter went something like
Dear -----,
I do not know your name, I do not know you but I do know your eyes they are the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
Ali Zafar
Any being quite cheeky decided to reply to the letter he sent. She quickly wrote a reply that went something like this
Dear Ali,
As for my name, you can know me as Any but my real name is Qurat-u-lain. Anyways I am giving you my telephone number, which is 050-3654782.
Yours Faithfully,
Any
Then she went and dropped it near his bodybuilding set up, and quickly came back to her garage. As soon as she did it, he came out to workout and saw the letter and threw her a glance. She quickly shied away and kept on reading Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. She had her mobile phone with her and was desperately waiting for his reply. She waited about an hour and he kept on working out and looking at her; suddenly she realized that he has a game plan in mind. When she thought she could not hold her patience anymore and when two hours had elapsed she finally got an mms, but she thought it is an mms not a sms so what is the deal? Anyways she opened the mms and found out that it was from Ali as she expected.
Instead of a message, it was a picture of him.
Just what I need thought Any. A picture can convey a thousand words what message does this picture convey she thought. Soon after, she received a prompt for a note through Bluetooth and opened it. It said
Hey did you get my pic, hope you liked it I really loved your letter and feel that each and every part of it is true. So Any what kind of things do you like to do? I am a freak of cricket and movies and tech/games-Ali
She quickly sent another note
Hey, I do like cricket movies and tech/games and I like to keep myself fit.
After a minute, she received another note from Ali
I can see why you keep yourself fit! (wink)
She was going to send another note to Ali when she heard her mother calling for her. She quickly hid the letter in her pocket and made her phone silent. Ali signalled to her asking her what happened then her mother opened the garage door linking to the house and said to Any to come and have dinner. She said okay I will be in in a minute. She quickly typed good-bye see you tomorrow going to dinner text on her mobile and sent it to Ali. Ali confirmed it by saying bye. Any went inside and sat at the table. Her mother had made spaghetti bolognaise and everybody had already settled to eat. It was very silent until her mother asked her why she goes and reads books in the garage as it is so hot and warm outside.
“Mom I like to get a breath of fresh air sometimes that is the reason I go and read in the garage”
“Oh okay but you shouldn’t you are a grown up girl there are all sorts of people in the street”
“What do you mean darling?”
“Exactly dad that was what I wanted to ask mom, who are those all sorts of people?”
“Well you know labourers and men and guys”
“You mean Ali and his brother Hisham, mother”
“Aliyah don’t talk about them on the dinner table”
“Why mother just because they are guys”
“Well yes Any”
“Your mother has a point”
Everybody finished their dinner in peace and then Any went to her room. From her window, she could see into Ali’s room. He was sitting and working on his computer. She wanted to scream his name joyfully but the circumstances were against her. So she just went to bed and had joyful thoughts.
Next morning her alarm clock rang at 8:30 sharp and she woke up. She jumped out of bed and opened the curtains, while opening the curtains she noticed that Ali was still asleep. She freshened up by first going to the toilet and then changing her clothes. She wore her Abaya and then went downstairs to have breakfast. She had cereal with milk; while she was having it, the rest of the house woke up and came down. Her sister Aliyah brought the 7days and Any started reading it. Apparently, there was a news about some fraudsters who made people fall in love with them then they run off with their money. Their was a woman called Aisha Al Qasmi who had fallen in love with a man who worked for her business they…(to be continued)
So will you guys would want to read on and know what happens next?
