Boys don’t know the work that’s put in to being “naturally pretty.”
I’ve had questions from numerous women who come from Pakistan about where I go to get stuff done because they can’t find a decent parlor that is affordable. They don’t realize that most of us handle most things on our own. Just a different lifestyle. I wish I could do the parlor thing all the time!
How do I put this delicately, guys who marry girls from Pak get a better deal than the girsl who marry guys from back home.
what exactly is missing amongst paki boys from pakistan?
I should have clarified, by "better deal" I mean by being settled and yes...money. Im sure personality and character wise they're not any better or worse than guys here, but the money part plays a big factor.
You can call it being shallow or whatever, but money matters. First of all theres the hassle and uncertainty of immigration matters. For some its smple and for others its a much more complicated deal. Secondly even an educated guy who comes to US finding a job isn't easy (well its not easy for anyone these days). Either the girl is working to support them or they're getting help and for alot of guys that can be a blow to their ego. Im not saying those marriages are doomed but the beginning years can be very difficult.
And I still think a couple who start out on the same level (ie both settled in US or move to a new country together) have it easier than the ones who start out on different levels.
Its just that kind of thing that if ure already in that situaiton u make it work to the best of your abilities, but if you had to go back and do it, you would choose not to get in that situation.
its not hte same with women who come from Pakistan. Most of the time the dude is already settled and can support a family. Its natural and normal for a woman to stay home whether there are kids or not---not for a man, and even the most open minded dude will feel a blow to his ego when he sees he cannot provide the way he wants to his wife.
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry ...
I agree with what Namaan said.
Also, maybe he found her really pretty. There are lots of pretty girls in Pakistan.
When people see a gorgeous Pakistani American, they might think the girl has been in relationships before and the nature of those may have even been physical to an extent. But if you see a pretty girl in Pakistan, an American guy might not assume that she's been in relationships. It's a strange stereotype but I think some people think like that.
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry ...
OMG Pakistani girls are really bad.
That stereo-type broke real quick when I went there.
I should have clarified, by "better deal" I mean by being settled and yes...money. Im sure personality and character wise they're not any better or worse than guys here, but the money part plays a big factor.
You can call it being shallow or whatever, but money matters. First of all theres the hassle and uncertainty of immigration matters. For some its smple and for others its a much more complicated deal. Secondly even an educated guy who comes to US finding a job isn't easy (well its not easy for anyone these days). Either the girl is working to support them or they're getting help and for alot of guys that can be a blow to their ego. Im not saying those marriages are doomed but the beginning years can be very difficult.
And I still think a couple who start out on the same level (ie both settled in US or move to a new country together) have it easier than the ones who start out on different levels. Its just that kind of thing that if ure already in that situaiton u make it work to the best of your abilities, but if you had to go back and do it, you would choose not to get in that situation.
its not hte same with women who come from Pakistan. Most of the time the dude is already settled and can support a family. Its natural and normal for a woman to stay home whether there are kids or not---not for a man, and even the most open minded dude will feel a blow to his ego when he sees he cannot provide the way he wants to his wife.
beat me to it!!
I have to admit, in this case gender roles are huge....
From my experience men usually wait till they are well settled and have a job then they go and get married if they don't have a place of their own its OK because they can live with his family, its totally OK if the girl doesn't want to work or takes time in finding a job, or gets pregnant, etc.....
however most parents get thier girls married right after their education and some do not have jobs, so after they are married they are expected to find a job, find a place to live and practically support both of them, which is not always bad, but most likely some power issues and stuff would arise.....also what if the girl gets pregnant?? What if he can't find a job?? Stress from such issues can also lead to many problems, but if the genders were to be switched it would be a totally different story......
Sara explained it perfectly. It is important for women to have security in their marriage… and security often comes in financial ways. But even more than women, I find that it is their families that want this. No one wants their little girl to go through hard times and they want them to have a well settled life. Girls brought up in the US, usually do have well settled lives … in their parents house. Their parents don’t want this to change just due to marriage. So for this reason, I think even when it comes to arranged marriages, it isnt that common for girls parents to start looking in pakistan right away. They prefer to start looking for a rishtaa in the US.
As Sara said - even bringing an educated guy over here… doesn’t guarantee that he will get a job. The hassles of passing boards, sometimes going back to school, immigration issues, etc. are ridiculous in this country. I know of many examples where the guy/girl from overseas were never able to pass their boards and become certified to work in this country in their legitimate profession. Now for the girls… its not as big of a deal because their husbands are supporting them regardless. But for the guys that are unable to get onto their feet… it is a very difficult life. Girls parents have to help them out alot… and it drains them…emotionally and financially. Other people in the community hear about this and know about this… it only cements it into people’s heads even more that they will not bring a guy from overseas for their daughters. It’s so hard for people to get a job here anyways nowadays… it just seems too much of a risk to bring a overseas graduate to find a job.
Its not that strange or odd for parents to think this way. It is for the same reason that people in Pakistan have no problem sending their daughter overseas when a good rishtaa comes their way…one thinks “USA” and immediately they imagine that their daughter will have a well settled life there full of comforts (whether that is true or not.. is another story).
Lol … when you find out… let us know ok??? 
hahaha. But yea I agree with Namaan that USA Pakistanis do feel this need to stay connected with Pakistan… so its makes sense for families to find rishtay for their guys in Pakistan. If the girl is modern and wears jeans and stuff… probably a bonus for the guy here since adjustment for her will be super easy. lol. But his family will be happy for establishing that connection with pakistan.
Although the majority of Pakistani families I know, are all letting their sons and daughters marry people of their own choice… to Pakistani’s born and raised in the US … It is not odd to find that in some families sometimes one son is married to a girl from Pakistan. Mabey he was not comfortable finding someone on his own and let his parents help him… and they were all about rishtay in Pakistan. But in the same family, the daughters are all married to guys born and raised in America.
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry …
This western desi marrying pure desies remind me a quote from Bulleh shah " Bulleh shah uth naya wahaj ley nahi tey bazi ley gaye kuttey; thain to uttey."
Meaning that, Bulleh Shah invent some new form of worship to please your God otherwise Dogs will supersede you they are superior to you.
OMG Pakistani girls are really bad.
That stereo-type broke real quick when I went there.
lol... well, to be fair, there are good and bad everywhere. But parents for some reason think, "Look at the girls in Pakistan, they're so good, respectful, and know how to carry themselves." This is why the stereotype still exists.
:hinna: i am sure girls abroad are same … or is it like it says in another thread … ghar ki murghi daal brabar?
Er.....intresting. :)
How do I put this delicately, guys who marry girls from Pak get a better deal than the girsl who marry guys from back home.
Really? most guys I know from Pakistan are far better than any American born Pakistan guys, I know. Disappointingly enough there was only one American born Pakistani guy in CMU ( and a lot more who'd come from Pakistan). The same holds true for UPenn and Goldman sachs. I am not saying that being in an IV league university or a corporate giant necessarily makes you better than others, but it does tell you about the person's attitude towards life. So my point is my experience with guys from Pakistan is wayyyyyy better than guys born in the US
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry ...
I still think there is a general assumption that women in Pakistan are more seedhi-saadhi and that's why families go after them. I don't know all the details in this case - maybe the boy's mom is not aware of how "modern" the girl is. Or maybe how you're defining "modern", to us in America is actually "seedhi saadhi" and maybe that family has encountered girls who were way more into negative behaviors and don't consider her behavior negative.
I don't know. The girl you describe seems "normal" to our standards here in America. Maybe she is mod-shod to you guys, but she seems like she'd fit into our culture here. So maybe that's the reasoning.
Or maybe these two families have some sort of bond or connection in business or social circles.
shrugs
I don't THINK that the typical girl from Pakistan that guys will marry are the extremely conservative type. Usually, I've seen these girls as being pretty fashionable, laid back, open to moving to another country, and reasonably educated. The mullahs, yes, they will go home to Kandahar type places and bring back a woman in a shuttle cock burqa, but even that is rare. But most guys will bring back more "westernized" women living in Pakistan.
Why they don't just marry someone who is likewise westernized here, except only born here instead of Pakistan? I don't really know.
Sometimes its because the guy has a history and all the ladies in the da hood know about it, and so its easier to go back to Pakistan and bring someone that has no clue what he's done. Or maybe girls in America are getting really really educated and insist on working after marriage, and they figure that the westernized educated girl from pakistan will at least be more willing to sit at home and take care of kids - that she can be tamed, so to speak.
shrugs
All I know, and I keep saying this, is these men will end up having kids here, and their daughters will probably be just as undesirable to the desi community. And it's their fault for setting these ridiculous standards to begin with.
Sara explained it perfectly. It is important for women to have security in their marriage... and security often comes in financial ways. But even more than women, I find that it is their families that want this. No one wants their little girl to go through hard times and they want them to have a well settled life. Girls brought up in the US, usually do have well settled lives ... in their parents house. Their parents don't want this to change just due to marriage. So for this reason, I think even when it comes to arranged marriages, it isnt that common for girls parents to start looking in pakistan right away. They prefer to start looking for a rishtaa in the US.
As Sara said - even bringing an educated guy over here... doesn't guarantee that he will get a job. The hassles of passing boards, sometimes going back to school, immigration issues, etc. are ridiculous in this country. I know of many examples where the guy/girl from overseas were never able to pass their boards and become certified to work in this country in their legitimate profession. Now for the girls... its not as big of a deal because their husbands are supporting them regardless. But for the guys that are unable to get onto their feet... it is a very difficult life. Girls parents have to help them out alot... and it drains them...emotionally and financially. Other people in the community hear about this and know about this... it only cements it into people's heads even more that they will not bring a guy from overseas for their daughters. It's so hard for people to get a job here anyways nowadays.... it just seems too much of a risk to bring a overseas graduate to find a job.
Its not that strange or odd for parents to think this way. It is for the same reason that people in Pakistan have no problem sending their daughter overseas when a good rishtaa comes their way.....one thinks "USA" and immediately they imagine that their daughter will have a well settled life there full of comforts (whether that is true or not.. is another story).
Lol .... when you find out... let us know ok???? :D hahaha. But yea I agree with Namaan that USA Pakistanis do feel this need to stay connected with Pakistan... so its makes sense for families to find rishtay for their guys in Pakistan. If the girl is modern and wears jeans and stuff..... probably a bonus for the guy here since adjustment for her will be super easy. lol. But his family will be happy for establishing that connection with pakistan.
Although the majority of Pakistani families I know, are all letting their sons and daughters marry people of their own choice.... to Pakistani's born and raised in the US ...... It is not odd to find that in some families sometimes one son is married to a girl from Pakistan. Mabey he was not comfortable finding someone on his own and let his parents help him... and they were all about rishtay in Pakistan. But in the same family, the daughters are all married to guys born and raised in America.
I'd say this is accurate.
What hits my funny bone is how these same families are cursing America every day, and hoping that the country will end up like the Roman civilization: in ruins.
Why would you die for your daughter to go to a country that you're hoping collapses in the next 5 years?
if it's that simple ... then girls should obviously stop making a fuss about not being able to find appropriate-husbands ... also be ok with boys from back home ... and be ok with arranged marriages basically ...
But here's the thing. Exactly why do we even have this rule of making marriage bonds between people living in the States and people living in Pakistan? Why force men AND women to go back and look for rishtas when apparently there are SO MANY pakistanis in America?
In addition to reasons I've described before on these forums, I think part of the problem is convenience.
In America, we don't really have one uniting organization or community force. Families have small social circles. And outside that, they don't know too many people. Unlike Pakistan, where you are constantly going to parties and constantly meeting new people, and meeting people at school and work...
Young Pakistanis in America - its typical to go to college and find you are one of 20 pakistanis at that school. And if you are attracted to one of those 20 Pakistanis, GREAT. Otherwise, you're pretty screwed. Then you go to grad school and you might be one of 5 Pakistanis. That limits you even more. Then you start working for some company, and you're lucky if you even see a Pakistani there, and maybe you heard of one Pakistani person who works on the 20th floor, but you're chained to the 8th floor, and you're gonna look like a total idiot wandering onto the 20th floor just to see some mythical girl you've heard of.
Yeah, there are organizations youc an be part of - most are religious in nature. So, anyone who is not willing to go to Hijabi-Fest, you will find that you're not meeting many Pakistani girls.
To top it off, the ones you DO meet, are probably smarter than you, have more degrees than you, make more money than you do, etc. Our families in America are pushing us to get really educated in hopes that some boy will find that attractive...
So, it really is just less of a hassle to spend a summer in Pakistan and go on a Rishtaa field trip.
Free samosas and chai. Perfect excuse to check out 100 women in one summer and be as picky as you want to be.
What guy would refuse that?
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry ...
Maybe he thought he could kill two birds with one stone. His mother probably wanted a girl from Pakistan and he wanted a girl that would be able to mimic an amreekan goris that arent so conservative.
Like I said before, there's that stereotype that Pakistani born and raised girls are less likely to be in a physical relationship and more seedhi-saadhi. Not always true.
I agree with PCG's posts. There are so many Pakistani girls in the US. People just don't try hard enough to look for their future spouse. Many couples met in college. But what about those who didn't find a suitable husband/wife? They end up looking in their own limited circles in their city or they'll go through a couple of matchmakers who have very few matches. There could be a match in another city or state, but there isn't much effort to look. It is easier to go to Pakistan and check out tons of girls there.
Really? most guys I know from Pakistan are far better than any American born Pakistan guys, I know. Disappointingly enough there was only one American born Pakistani guy in CMU ( and a lot more who'd come from Pakistan). The same holds true for UPenn and Goldman sachs. I am not saying that being in an IV league university or a corporate giant necessarily makes you better than others, but it does tell you about the person's attitude towards life. So my point is my experience with guys from Pakistan is wayyyyyy better than guys born in the US
Like I said before, when it comes to money and being settled and logistics, in that sense they are "better."
Otherwise I'm in no position to judge "ABCDs" or "Fobs" as being better or worse than each other when it comes to personality and character.
In any case, working hard, and making an honest living can't always be measured in the person's salary or where they went to school. Going to an ivy league school or earning a 6 figure salary doesnt make a person "better"...character wise.
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry …
Guys born in Pakistan that you find in the US had to work hard to get here. Most came on student visas, or they had some fantastic resumes that they got jobs here after being trained in Pakistan.
So they are not a reflection of the AVERAGE GUY in Pakistan.
The AVERAGE GUY in Pakistan, if we consider the number of people in Pakistan, and include EVERYONE in our analysis, is the dude selling chappals on the side walk.
Hardly someone an educated girl would EVER marry.
On the other hand, collect all the American-born guys, and they’re all at least high school graduates. Most have gone to college, although in some communities like MINE ( 
) it is rare to find a college graduate (in my generation only though - the younger guys have all quickly learned they need to get degrees to get better jobs and live better). SOME have gone on to professional/graduate school, and only a subset of those are working for top ranking companies, or have high ranking jobs.
So, that’s more a matter of how you’re analyzing the populations…I argue that boys raised here are better off, because at least they all have some basic education. Your average bloke in Pakistan has not even had the opportunity to go to college.
Re: another western-boy goes back home to marry ...
PCG you such a menWiki . How you know so much about our species ? Freaks me out . Women shouldn't have this much information .
i’m just spoiled. i dont know too much outside lahore, and neither did i care.
i can imagine it to be difficult for an abcd girl who belongs to … say gujrat … and then gets married to a gujrati boy, and moves to gujrat.
but i think it would be lovely (in my mind) and easier for the same girl to get married to a lahori/karachi guy who belongs to a good, financially stable and forward thinking family. still, perhaps not desirable for many women to move to pakistan anyways, not everybody has to like it there.
besides .. you marry into your own type of people, so i dont imagine an abcd going to look for a chappal-seller on the street (unless it’s the owner of Style shoes 
) … and that your own type of people will be the educated and good-looking ones minus the gulabi urdu.
and from the earlier posts: why is this an obvious assumption that any marriage between a pakistani and an abcd means that the pakistani moves abroad? 
what in the world r u talking about? they are crazy about education there! koi apni beti ko doctor banara heh vahan to koi apne bete ko vekeel..and so on and so forth..their conversations when meeting people consist of first questions of so how educated is ur son/daughter..?..
and i have went ot live there for soem time so i m not just making this up..