Okay, Ive lived with highly intrusive inlaws…I know what it feels like. I do understand what you might be going through. There is no real apparent problem when you look at it from a distance but when you get closer…yes there are definite problems. The freedom to even set up your kitchen the way you like is a big deal and feels like a victory…sad but true. I had my SIL rearrange my kitchen when I wasnt home…completely and she had only been there for a week.
Free babysitting? Im not the kind of girl who would ever dump my kids on my inlaws…but they would mind if I didnt so I would have to. That would also mean he/she would learn things I probably dont want my kids to learn…like the Pakistani drama culture which is big in my inlaws.
My suggestion is for you to have a firm, clear and yet polite discussion with your husband. You HAVE to talk to him about this because otherwise…there will be an earthquake in your home. He is your advocate so use him. Tell him first off that it will be very hard for you to have his parents living with him - be blunt. Say that its not something you wanted and still dont want. He will get upset and be hurt. At that point, you budge a little and say that if it happens…he has to understand that there will be some ground rules. Your household rules that will be followed because its not Pakistan and MIL is not God. You will wear what you like, your son’s schedule will be followed and if they live there…they should help out. Cooking for an entire household everyday is not a joke, especially after a full day of work! Now, I know you dont need the help but if its inevitable…your best bet is to figure out a way to make it work FOR you.
One thing to note is you WILL have some growing pains before you establish a life that works for you and your family. Meaning, there will be tug of wars so be prepared for them. Pick your battles…dont fight the little things. Hold your arguments for moments that truly matter and affect you otherwise people will start to ignore you. The home is yours and there are ways to keep it that way with grace.