Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Lifestyle Relationships
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So, as soon as the last rishta fell through, more flooded in. Lucky me.

One particular family stood out to my parents. They got particularly cosy with eachother. Especially at my cousins engagement.

Fast forward 2 weeks and the potential Mother in Law sees me somewhere wearing hijab. I have recently started wearing one.
She called my Mother and demanded to know why my family had not mentioned I wear hijab, and stated there would be no future progression in terms of the rishta.

Cute huh.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

i think you should have turned the guy down saying he doesn't sport a beard. :D

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

:smack:

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

You should see this as a blessing in disguise. They don't want a bahu in their family to practice hijab. It's a great thing that you found this out 2 weeks into meeting them. Imagine if this happened after the baat paki became public knowledge ....or worse, after the nikah.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

They are also entitled to get what they want. If hijab is an issue for them, that doesn't make them evil. I think they saved themselves and your family from any future trouble.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Seriously! What's this world coming to!(rejection for wearing hijab from a Muslim family)

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

I understand preferences and all of that. However I don't understand why the Mother of the Son has an issue with it.
Hijab isnt worn 24/7. It isn't worn amongst family to an extent. She has seen me without one as I've only just started practising wearing hijab.
If hijab is an issue for people they should clarify why it is an issue instead of rejecting girls ever so casually.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Think you had a close call there, might feel like a disappointment, but these things can be a blessing in disguise

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

What would be the purpose of that family explaining to you and your family the reasons behind why they have a problem with hijab? What difference would the explanation make if your mind is set on wearing hijab....and their mind is set on NOT welcoming a bahu who wears it?

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

I meant generally.
In everything, a reference is made about religion/culture, so I'm guessing girls who have been rejected over wearing a hijab, would like an explanation.

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Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

They have right to feel that they don't want a DIL that wears hijab. If they had seen you without it the whole time and were pursuing the rishta as normal only to see you by chance out and you wearing it, I mean that's a pretty big mistake in your family's part for misleading them. It must of been something you were contemplating for a while before taking it on at THIS time so maybe that should of been explained that you will eventually start taking on hijab at some point before the baat paki. You wouldn't have to explain WHY or HOW but just have to explain because they deserve to know that much about this big change just as you deserved to know they were dropping out of the rishta as opposed to them just not calling you back at all and ignoring you all of a sudden. They're just being honest with it and if a family is not want a girl with a hijab doesn't make them any less Muslim or anything nor are they wrong but I feel that was a blunder on your family's part for misleading them that you did not wear a hijab.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

I am amazed and speechless.

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Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Agreed. I think the fact they thought something else and then all of a sudden saw you wearing one must of raised a lot of eyebrows so may be its not about you wearing one at all but the fact that you decided to do it now in the middle of a serous rishta and they felt mislead which maybe in their minds raised concerns or red flags. Putting myself in that situation if my brother was talking to some girl who didn't wear it nor was it up in the air and then all of a sudden I saw her with it, I would definitely feel mislead. It wouldn't be in our right to voice an opinion nor would it be nice to possibly even say upfront my family doesn't want a hijabi because that would be passing judgement on this person. In my opinion they did it the nicest way possible by not making you feel bad for your decision but are being completely honest about not wanting to pursue the rishta for a whole culmination of reasons which is useless in getting into. It wouldn't of made you feel any better knowing they didn't want you for the sole purpose of you wearing hijab right? How would it? But I think your just curious as to the reason why some families don't want girls with hijab.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

I agree with Sana. ^
You should have told them about hijab. It's a pretty big deal to some people. As for your question about why they rejected you if you are not a katar-hijaabi, well, I think people see it as the first step and expect you'll become more and more religious with time. Maybe that's not a good fit for their family. And while you're placing the blame on the mother of the guy, it could just be that she was just the messenger and in fact her son too doesn't want a hijabi wife. It's possible, right?
Just let it go. Two weeks is a pretty short time. One of my friends had his engagement called off last year because he started growing a moustache and becoming 'wahabi'. He is now married to a gorgeous girl who is religious like him and he is very happy mA.

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Out of curiosity, why?

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Thanks for your responses.
It's nice to hear different perspectives.

However I don't think I had to announce to the family, initially or the day I stepped out in hijab, that I would be wearing one.
Nor do I consider it my fault or a blunder made by my family.

I never attacked the family of their decision to not pursue matters further, nor am I depressed over it.
I guess I had never thought a girl could be rejected for simply wearing a hijab when out and about. Especially by a family who had asked whether I pray regularly and keep fasts.

Usually appearance wise, girls are rejected for not being light skinned enough, not tall enough or not slim enough. In the desi world ofcourse.

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Re: Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

I know it must hurt but better that it ends now before things got more serious and you find out that you're not compatible. You do this for the pleasure of Allah and he'll give you something better than what you think you lost out on.

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Erm yes..it does. Hijab is a requirement for all in islam. Its not an option you can discard so blatantly!

.

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Another Month, Another Failed Potential Rishta

Well I guess it's not a conversation worth getting into here, but hijab is more than just a cloth on a girls head. Just saying.

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This!