This is based on someone I know, someone I feel very sad for knowing this situation is true. Husband and wife got married relatively young. Everyone said, so she’s a bit immature, she’ll grow up and adjust to married life. In the beginning she did all her ‘duties’ with joy for her husband and ran her home with care. Then as hubby’s work hours increased she got a part-time job and kept busy as well. Disagreements would occur and she did the typical thing, remain in a silent grudge. Hubby would ask her ‘what’s wrong’ only to hear, ‘nothing’. She started holding things against him, keeping feelings inside until they would burst out. Months and months of grudges would come flooding out in unrestrained outbursts. Hubby was shocked by her temper and lack of respect. Slowly he would spend a little more time keeping busy out of the house, running errands, doing work, or sleeping. Slowly she began neglecting duties. There were no groceries, no dinner, no packed lunch for him, no laundry done. Hubby was running the household and working full time. She spent weeks at a time with her parents. Arguments kept going on. While visiting her parents, he let her know at the end of the night that they should get going. She looks up at him in silence and continues talking with her family. Time goes by, he asks again, and gets the same reaction. Finally he takes her to the bedroom and being ‘the man’, feeling his ego deflated, says she’s behaving disrespectfully and he doesn’t appreciate being ignored. With a sour face, she packs her belongings and huffs to the car. She continues the silent treatment, breaking it only to claw his hand with her nails when he reaches for her purse.
She says she’s not a ‘maasi’, she doesn’t want to be a typical Pakistani housewife. He’s bought her a house, a car, diamonds, vacations. He’s denied her children. He doesn’t want to complicate the whole situation with a child in case they can’t take it anymore. Obviously he doesn’t want a maid, but is it too much to ask for a meal? They have different values, different expectations. But it didn’t start out that way. Slowly over 6 or so years she’s drifted away and become more stubborn about not being a certain type of wife. Her in-laws live in the same city but she doesn’t see or speak to them for a week or so at a time. Clearly she lacks respect and maturity. He’s made his mistakes and has a temper too. Is there any hope for them? Should a wife make some sacrifices or is she just who she is, unable or unwilling to change? I can’t say I’m losing hope for them. I don’t want them to give up that easily.