Another marriage scenerio

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Another marriage scenerio

Slowly she began neglecting duties. There were no groceries, no dinner, no packed lunch for him, no laundry done. Hubby was running the household and working full time. She spent weeks at a time with her parents.

Gosh!

Magic of Calcuation (Maths)
22

Re: Another marriage scenerio

I feel sorry for the husband as well!

23

Re: Another marriage scenerio

Well, no need to feel so sorry for the husband...he is as much at fault as the wife..

24

Re: Another marriage scenerio

Hmm am i the only one who feels a little sorry for the girl...
Firstly Saima your post wasnt particularly objective...you yourself feel the girl is wrong and that is the impression that you gave which makes it easy for everyone else to assume shes wrong aswell...

Heres is where i feel he is going wrong...She was happy when she got to spend time with him right...as his hours increased she just felt his absence and therefore got annoyed that he wasnt spedning enough time with her...i dont think she dealt with it very well but thats why it seems she is upset...

And what was his solution to this problem...he ran awayfrom it and decided to spend less time with her...is anyone here going to advocate that this is the best method to deal with things...your wife wants to spend more time with you and you proceed to spend less time with her yet expect her to fulfifl her matrimonail duties...shouldt he fulfil his before he gets annoyed about the fact that she isnt doing her chores...sounds like he is treating her like a maid to be honest...

And since when did a car, diamonds and house become the solution to a marriage...if shes a goldigger then that will shut her up but if shes a wife seeking some attention from her husband then shes right in her attitude...i would hope that men dont simply buy diamonds assuming this will make their wives happy...

You say she doesnt have respect or maturity...i dont see how a man running away from his problems expects to recieve respect...

Can someone point out anything of use he has done to solve his problems with his wife cos i couldnt find anything...

25

Re: Another marriage scenerio

You know its quite odd because cases like these r becoming more and more common everyday!! May Allah give them the strength to continue their relationship n fix their problems!

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Re: Another marriage scenerio

It just seems liek a catch-22..

Husband's working long hours.

Wife's feeling neglected.

She gets crankier and ignores her duties, perhaps being passive aggressive, hoping he'll notice and say something.

Instead, he doesnt say sanything, he thinks, she'll just get meaner and snappier, and just stays away or ignores it.

Wife gets meaner and crankier and has less respect for him because he's never around.

There's a serious lack of communication hereand lack of maturity, she doesnt express her feelings to her husband; he's repeatedly asked her, "What's wrong" and she says nothing. Insetad she becomes passive aggressive or, chalaak and manipulative...whle he's not right in ignoring her , i kinda don't blame him for wanting to stay away from such a hostile enviro..

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Re: Another marriage scenerio

Among muslims such cases become common when they leave the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) while dealing with different duties in their lives, as the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) comprehensively covers all aspects of life. BUT the problem is that alot of us want to become modern and adopt western ways of dealing with our respective spouses. Their attitude, way of thinking , way of behaving, way of respecting, is certainly not the way the Prophet (saw) taught us.

28

Re: Another marriage scenerio

I won't get into specifics but as he was still a student when they got married, she knew his studies and work would be grueling. In the beginning she dealt with it well and had friends, family, a job to keep her busy. She knew it would be that way before they got married and I'm sure resentment grew over time. As far as I know he wasn't running from her at all. He was the first to openly discuss any problems or ask her why she was being so quiet. She had a hard time admitting why she was so upset or why she viewed everything so negatively.

When I wrote about material things he provided her I mean he expressed his love for her in many ways. She did ask for diamonds. And he went out of his way, as a student to give her whatever she wanted. There was never any intention of making her 'shut up' as you stated. As for him trying to solve the problems, he seems to be the only one trying. From an outside perspective it may seem to you a very black and white situation. I admit I must be naturally biased towards the guy. But I do feel for the wife as well. Both are making mistakes and I am afraid for both of them. My biggest fear is that they may not be able to forgive eachother in the end and eventually there will be no trust left.

29

Re: Another marriage scenerio

well i can c y the girl did this
she felt neglected n alil lonely wen hiz wrkin hrz increased
so shes bound 2 start behavin like she iz wen her hubby aint givin her time that she deservez as a wife

30

Re: Another marriage scenerio

this situation makes me feel isn't she younger than him? they seem to be on different stages of their lives....she's still teenager and looking for "fun", he's already mature and looking towards cosy peacefull homelife...

two individuals with such different point of views towards life can not make an equal couple, one has to "sacrifice" his identity for the other...usually the girl
if she disagree with that scheme of life, either she divorces now...or she makes few babies until being so busy with babies that she'll forget hubby, and hubby'll forget her as wife....only to see her as mother of his children

i'm not talking about understanding betweeen them, because they obvioulsy are not made for each other...there can not be love, so no need to look for love between 2 persons who can"t love each other anyway

31

Re: Another marriage scenerio

Impulse sis,
do you know the hard time own family and in laws gives when a wife is not having a kid after a sudden time frame? Its a lot of pressure! Besides, having kid/s makes people mature and the tendency to live for own pleasures and likings fades away. Men and women grow by having kids. If people still cant manage it, then growing up with single parent is not a big deal. Life is hardly as ideal as in was some generations ago. couples needed each other more in the past, now adays we are teens until over 30ties......

Like in my own case, all I asked of my hubby was the blessing of having a child or two. He was given the option to keep all he took and earned though it was paid by me. I gave up the dream of having a normal relationship, thinking its not in my naseeb, perhaps Allahjee willed it so that he is more inclined towards his second wife than me. A man who uses the issue of not giving kids to his wife, it really makes a wife resent him. I was never like as the on going story, but I can understand her sentiments when it comes to having kids.
Im sorry if it doesnt make any sense......

32

Re: Another marriage scenerio

Saima...
Im not suggesting its black and white...its just its not fair to solely blame the girl...it is a cry for attention isnt it on her part?...shes not dealing with it in a particularly mature manner but there is some ration behind her behaviour...

And you suggest that hes trying...asking whether something is wrong is hardly proactive is it?...if he knows why shes pissed he should address it...

Btw just a question...is she fresh?...does she have any friends of her own who she can chill with when her husband is not around?...the last thing you want is to come in a new environment having left something comfortable and being made to feel lonely...

And to the others who are suggesting she has children so she can keep busy...what are you lot on?...kids arent a hobby or a timepass...

~*~ 3 Teenagers in Cafe ~*~
~*~ 3 Teenagers in Cafe ~*~
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Re: Another marriage scenerio

I find it interesting that it's believed that women can't cope with a hubby who has to work long hours. My husband, like hers went through residency and fellowship training to become a physician. There's no way he can just cut hours. He did however have vacation times and could rearrange his schedule so he could spend time with her. They went on several vacations, cruises etc. So he tried his hardest to be with her despite his training.

She was not fresh. She had friends and family. But I think the initial 'Bollywood romance' illusion faded and she didn't like the reality of married life. She didn't want to deal with the everyday stuff, just the fun stuff. I agree that you don't have kids to pass the time. That would a big mistake considering she doesn't like to deal with unnecessary work anyhow. She joked once with her mil that if she moved into their house, the mil could just take care of the kids and cook while she goes out. I hope that was a joke.

Pyaaz Kaat Ke.....