Hey Everyone,
I see you guys have been very supportive and sensitive to others’ dilemmas and situations here so I decided to give it a shot, too:
My sister was interested in a guy who lives overseas. Although long distance, they were very compatible. He seemed quite a good match for her - they were usually on the same page about everything. Anyway, they basically had this going for 3 years or so. In these years, not only they got to know each other and addressed the issues of marriage but also had a chance to get a sense of each other’s family structures. Both of them were totally convinced they were the ones for each other and marriage talk was well on its way. All was good and then suddenly he disappeared on her for a few months. She heard nothing from him for months. Needless to say, she went through lots of confusion and grief. She could not contact his family and ask them about him as no one knew about her. She was devastated and utterly heartbroken. I saw her going through a serious change in these months.
All of a sudden, he randomly e-mails her and profusely apologizes and tells her how his feelings for her haven’t changed a bit. He couldn’t stay in touch for reasons he couldn’t really discuss but hoped that she would have him back. My sister, crazy in love, told him this was completely unacceptable but she is willing to give him a second chance if he puts his act together. He agreed and he was good since - he again was in constant communication with her and made her really happy. The summer following, she took a trip to go and see him. She was completely turned off the way he was behaving during their meeting. But all this aside, she went overseas to see him and when she asked him to accompany her to another city (so she can visit our relatives), at the last minute, he text her and said he wouldn’t be able to come with her. Since then, she was completely disgusted and turned off by him. For a month she ignored him, he kept calling her. At this point, I felt like she was sure this guy wasn’t good for her. She wasted no time in getting rid of him. For a few months after that, he occasionally e-mailed her and tried to talk to her to whom she replied coldly and finally requested he leave her alone completely. This was in November 2 years ago. They lost touch since then.
This past summer, my sister went for another family trip and while she was in his city, for reasons unknown to me, she e-mailed him and asked him whether he would be around. He readily replied and agreed to meet up. I think my sister right away regretted emailing him and so did not end up meeting him in the end. But this opened a can of worms. Since then, they have got back in touch and have been talking. I think they were seriously considering a future together again. I know they made plans to meet up again (this time, he would be coming to see her!).
Two days ago he told her that after they had broken up, his parents pushed for a marriage for him. He saw no point in refusing since my sister had completely ended the deal with him and ended up engaged. He was engaged for one out of the 2 years they were not talking. The engagement did not break because he did not like his fiancee, it broke because their families didn’t get along. Well, now I see that this news has affected her a lot.
My sister feels like something isn’t right about this whole thing anymore. But she always says, I want to give this my 100% because I don’t ever want to have regrets. She is afraid that if she now rejects this guy, she might not totally get over him ever and then be stuck longing for him all her life. But IMO, I don’t think this guy cares for her enough.
I guess I want people’s opinions on this matter. What do you guys think? Especially the males here, help us in understanding what is going through this guy’s head.