In London 3 free papers are distributed everyday in the stations and on the busy roads in central. They are all in competition with each other. All of the people handing them out are Pakistani or Indian. In the past two years that this has been going on I’ve never taken one as i loathe them (the papers). Anyway, recently a new guy near the station at my uni. I feel terrible for saying this but the way he stands and the way in which he asks people if they would like the paper, it seemed like he had a disability. Anyway, one day he was totally being ignored and some people were even making faces at him as they walked past, I felt sorry for him so I took the paper as I walked by. The next time I saw him he was holding out the paper again as I was approaching but Ijust smiled and shook my head (I don’t read them, so there’s no point) but he was like ‘please take it’, so I did.
Then I made what in hindsight was a mistake, I said ‘I hope you’re having a good day’. Anyway, he engaged me in conversation, asking what i was studying, where I’m from etc etc, wished me ramzan mubarak. I was pleasant enough but kept it as brief as possible by saying i needed to catch my train.
The next time that i was going home at the same time he works, he stopped me and started saying that since we’re both Pakistani, we should go for coffee after ramzan and ‘discuss things’… like what the..? I was like, ‘no sorry, I’m really busy and my fiancé would not approve of me going out like that either’.
Then he started with all the ‘What’s the problem? It’s only friendship. We can be friends?’.. so I was like ‘ok I gotta go byeeee’.
The next time I tried to walk by as quickly as poss but I still heard him saying in urdu ‘you still don’t want to give me your number?’.
Anyway, today, he tried to stop me again by asking if he could say something. I said ‘ok then quickly..’ and he started on what seemed like was going to be a bashing of British Pakistanis – ‘I have seen that Pakistani’s have this buraa’i’.. well i wasn’t gonna stick around to listen to that so I was like ‘I really have to go’ and continued on my way.
So I’ve been feeling really annoyed with this whole situation on so many levels.
In the past I’ve heard many times from Pakistani guys that girls here are rude and stuck up and don’t give them a ‘chance’. But seriously, are these the kind of situations they are referring to? Just because we’re from the west it means we just give out our numbers to any random guy, does it? Even if it’s just for ‘friendship’. I could be jumping to conclusions about what he was going to say but I really doubt it.
But other than that, people exchange pleasantry’s all the time, especially with people who they see every day. It doesn’t mean it has to go any further nor do people expect it to. Ok, so you asked for a number, you were knocked back with a legit answer that you really should respect. Get over it, why does it need to turn into an issue.
And it sucks coz I’m either gonna have to blank him completely or start walking on the other side of the road, both of which are rude but I don’t see what choice I have.
There are people like that everywhere. Is there more than 1 route from your Uni' towards the station? If so you could try and take an alternative route. If not then walk towards the station with a few friends. If not a few friends then even if there a group of students walking towards the station, just walk behind them so your not alone. If none of these options apply & he keeps bothering you then there's always the old bill.
Ugh, I'm so sorry for you. People can be SO pushy, especially if they think they have some connection to you due to your ethnicity or nationality.
I'd just suggest taking a different route home if possible. If it's not possible, make sure he's not following you, or walk home in groups. You never know what people will do.
Sadly, you're not alone in this situation. Ive had it happen to me SO many times its crazy!!! I always think to myself "If I can smile and be nice to all these gore around me, why cant I be nice to our own Muslim Pakistani/Indian people?"
But Im always disappointed...by their lack of manners, propriety, etc...desi men are known for being completely UN-gentelman-like here. Not exxaggerating.
i dont think its abig issue bt ur making it one , even if the guy ws british pakistani n u had refused to give ur number to him he wud hve told u ur stuck up too
this has nothing to do with being BRITISH asian or just asian
Sadly, you're not alone in this situation. Ive had it happen to me SO many times its crazy!!! I always think to myself "If I can smile and be nice to all these gore around me, why cant I be nice to our own Muslim Pakistani/Indian people?"
But Im always disappointed...by their lack of manners, propriety, etc...desi men are known for being completely UN-gentelman-like here. Not exxaggerating.
There are gentleman-like desi's out there also. We tend to base our judgement of them on bad experiences; which isn't fair for the majority.
i dont think its abig issue bt ur making it one , even if the guy ws british pakistani n u had refused to give ur number to him he wud hve told u ur stuck up too
this has nothing to do with being BRITISH asian or just asian
i don't see how i'm making it into an issue. i'm just annoyed by the situation and that he expects that i should give him my number either because a) i'm pakistani and he is too, or b) i'm 'westernised' so that means i probably have loads of male friends and quite happily give my number to random guys.
he didn't actually get the chance to tell me i'm stuck up. i would have preferred of he said something like that the first time i said 'no, sorry'. at least that would have been the end of it. it's this continual harassment that is making me incensed and trying to make out that I'm the one with the problem.
anyway, in london, i have never had a problem with british pakistani guys nor have i ever heard them say that girls here have some kind of 'problem'.
i've only heard guys who have recently come from pakistan say that kind of thing, it's like they come over here expecting british pakistani girls to be easy or something. and before anyone says im generalising, i know i am! i don't have a problem with guys from pakistan, my fiance is from there. i just have a problem with this particular attitude of some guys that thus far i have only seen manifest in pakistani men.
Sadly, you're not alone in this situation. Ive had it happen to me SO many times its crazy!!! I always think to myself "If I can smile and be nice to all these gore around me, why cant I be nice to our own Muslim Pakistani/Indian people?"
But Im always disappointed...by their lack of manners, propriety, etc...desi men are known for being completely UN-gentelman-like here. Not exxaggerating.
yea... i've just never had it happen to me before. i usually keep to myself. i used to be a right moody cow to be honest but in recent years i tried to make more of an effort.
I had one indian client, i had to ask him his personal information do complete his work such as his name, age, adress, income, dependents…well he started telling me that he is seperated and soon getting divorce…than asked me whether i was married?
i asked my boss to do his work as i was having trouble with his record keepings, before he left he came to say bye to me. for the next few weeks, every day he would turn up to my office for no reason and started to ask questions. i would answer which are relavent to his work. but he kept staring at me for no reason and wanted me to take extra fees from him. i told him to go and pay boss…and he did infact paid more than he was charged. boss was as normally people had problems with paying our fees.
one day he turned up and i asked him to wait for my boss and he came and sat on the chair on my desk, i was shocked, i told him to wait in the waiting room. i was being totally rude to him. next few days when he turned up i was rude to him and completely ignored him. my boss realised it and told me if he turns up again in his absence(as i was alone in office alot too) contact police.
than he did trun up once or twice a week with issues regarding his work…i told him to contact my boss not me.
yea... i've just never had it happen to me before. i usually keep to myself. i used to be a right moody cow to be honest but in recent years i tried to make more of an effort.
Keeping to yourself is what ends up happening as a result.
I've adopted what I call the Grade One Look of Disdain to repel the riff-raff.
If someone feels brave and persists they get my Grade Two Glare of Disgust.
If they still haven't gotten the point, then tell them you feel like throwing up and swoon a little.
Now if THAT doesn't send 'em packing, we've got a problem sista!!!!
There are gentleman-like desi's out there also. We tend to base our judgement of them on bad experiences; which isn't fair for the majority.
I wish I felt the way you did but its what I see on a daily basis.
I commute into the city for work everyday and the difference in attitude towards a woman is obvious. Any other guy next to me will either let me in front of him or hold the door open for me after himself always. If we bump, I get an "I'm sorry". Desi guy? NO WAY. Excuse me, pardon me, thank you or your welcome never made into their vocabulary. This is not to say I expect this from all guys around me but I'm used to being treated a certain way.
i reckon, if a desi did that (hold a door for us or say sorry) we'd think he was thinking something else.. like trying to be all friendly.
sometimes i think its a lose lose situation for these poor fellas... however I do sympathise with ashe.. there are some silly people out there.... but i reckon a lot of them are nice too... we wouldnt be married otherwise! :)
I was at a desi restaurant once and usually the waiters are young, desi college kids and I try to be nice because not only are their jobs are hard but desies are generally not good tippers. By nice, I mean saying thank you and please and tipping well, nothing more.
Apparently, I was an oddity!!! After dinner, my girlfriends went to the restroom and I volunteered to watch the purses. Our waiter comes upto our table with this dopey grin plastered on his face and says "Madam, can I feed you?". I thought my ears were failing me so I said "Sorry?".
He repeats himself:
"Madam can I feed you? My brathar say I cant do it. They call me chikan. I say NO! Madam is nice girl! Tum log dekho, she will let me feed her! Madam mein apko ek nivala khila sakta hoon? Meri shart lagi hai poore sau dollar ki!".
Im so irritated with this dialogue I say "I dont understand...aap mujhse aisi baatein kyun karrahe hein?".
"Madam, mere paise nikal jayenge. Please! Bas ek nivala!"
I think he argued with me a bit more before my friends came and rescued me...believe me I was upset with them for leaving me that long.
Needless to say...he didnt get tipped that night. :)
No way! Its such a normal thing for most gore (by gore I mean all non-desi guys, lol) guys and almost every other man on this planet. My take on it is…why must they go out of their way to be wierd…what is wrong with being normal???
Another thing I noticed…they WILL hold the door open for another gori girl.
This thread is proof why desi girls here have such bad reps. IF ur nice to them and hold doors or smile or whatever, they will scrunch up their noses in disgust as if they are so sure the guy is being a flirt but won't hesitate to be nice to any other ethnicity. If they don't o that stuff lke hold doors...they're rude. Go figure.
PS, as a rule of thumb, im not nice to ANY desi uncles, unless like they see me with my dad and/or husband :@:
I was at a desi restaurant once and usually the waiters are young, desi college kids and I try to be nice because not only are their jobs are hard but desies are generally not good tippers. By nice, I mean saying thank you and please and tipping well, nothing more.
Apparently, I was an oddity!!! After dinner, my girlfriends went to the restroom and I volunteered to watch the purses. Our waiter comes upto our table with this dopey grin plastered on his face and says "Madam, can I feed you?". I thought my ears were failing me so I said "Sorry?".
He repeats himself:
"Madam can I feed you? My brathar say I cant do it. They call me chikan. I say NO! Madam is nice girl! Tum log dekho, she will let me feed her! Madam mein apko ek nivala khila sakta hoon? Meri shart lagi hai poore sau dollar ki!".
Im so irritated with this dialogue I say "I dont understand...aap mujhse aisi baatein kyun karrahe hein?".
"Madam, mere paise nikal jayenge. Please! Bas ek nivala!"
I think he argued with me a bit more before my friends came and rescued me...believe me I was upset with them for leaving me that long.
Needless to say...he didnt get tipped that night. :)
What a tharki! Shouldn't have tipped him regardless. Waiters get paid, I don't see why tipping them is necessary. They certainly wouldn't like it if a customer said to them give me a tip from your wage!
What a tharki! Shouldn't have tipped him regardless. Waiters get paid, I don't see why tipping them is necessary. They certainly wouldn't like It If a customer said to them give me a tip from your wage!
I think they get paid very little, plus they do alot of hard work (well I think it is, going back and froth, remembering who had what, even having to stand for ppls nakhray etc esp w/ desi customers). There was one restaurant right in the heart of little pakistan, every time i went there was a new waitress (some HS girl) there, and we used to go every month or so... so that showed the employee turnover. last i checked that restaurant went out of business.
So yeah tipping is a must unless most of the "nicer" places alread include a service/gratuitiy tax in the bill.
I think they get paid very little, plus they do alot of hard work (well I think it is, going back and froth, remembering who had what, even having to stand for ppls nakhray etc esp w/ desi customers). There was one restaurant right in the heart of little pakistan, every time i went there was a new waitress (some HS girl) there, and we used to go every month or so... so that showed the employee turnover. last i checked that restaurant went out of business.
So yeah tipping is a must unless most of the "nicer" places alread include a service/gratuitiy tax in the bill.
Well then they should look for another job which offers a better wage.
some of them are working there cz they have to...they dont xactly have the luxury of chosing.. u know.. beggars cant be choosers. any way its just a matter of being a decent person and tipping someone for a good service, for me personally $1-2 laazmi hota hai unless the service was like truly horrible, warna the general rate for tipping is 15-20%...............
as normally people had problems with paying our fees.
