I was having a chat regarding the social dynamics of dating and meeting people of the opposite gender in Pakistan. And the person made an interesting observation. All Pakistani girls (she is a girl) think any guy that comes up to them is a pervert, even the nice decent guys. They are coming up to them to get into their pants and most guys get shot down without even been given a chance to remove that idiotic notion.
Due to such a scenerio, very few guys decent guys bother to make the first move. As the discussion continued another Pakistani chick complained that it has come to the stage that a girl has to show interest first before a guy will even take any action since the rejection is so apparent and quick.
Which leads to a serious problem. Girls by culture can’t make the first move. More importantly 90% of the time they play hard to get to check if the guy is legit. Leading to generally more annoyed and frustrated guys. If you can’t close in a few days or weeks why the hell bother?
The question that comes to mind or dilemma as a guy is the general notion that I want to bag you right away. Arrogance much? Secondly the idea that guys get shut down to quick, forces the decent guys to find other alternatives and leaving girls single for a longer period of time.
I know I am not getting my point across properly so here it is in brute terms. As the guy I pick up the girl. I show the initiative. The girl should not be deciding how to approach me and in Pakistani culture that is just a recipe for disaster.
^true :k: But…what I have noticed…not all guys are perverts jst coz they smile with you or say hi to you…some are very nice…and also jst coz they say hi to you does not mean that they want something from you…maybe they jst wnt to have a perfectly normal conversation…
In Pakistan girls are very uptight and not even open for a conversation ( at least 90% ) . Plus we have this cultural taboo of arrange marriage and love marriage is considered close to harram anyways . So girls instead of taking a chance and then later on if guy will chicken out she’ll also have to get this bad name , so they decide not to even begin with . They just play super safe .
and yea over here most of the guys learn their pickup lines from Bollywood movies , so you can imagine their conversational skills . One shouldn’t be surprised if it goes something like ‘‘ayy kiya bolti tu’’
I am not sure about the part that Pakistani girls being single for longer period of time . Come on all the girls in my neighborhood are married and with 2-3 kids . I don’t see any single girl for miles and miles .
Sometimes a lack of experience, prior negative experiences, and personality (introversion, for example) can play a role. And then there are the societal notions as mentioned by Sara.
Mehnaz made the point above in a blog the other day and there were plenty of the gals who saw themselves in the description.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Pakistani girls are socialized to be demure and reserved when in the company of desi guys - this makes them a “good girl” which is the ultimate epithet their parents and/or society aspires for them to attain.
The same inhibitions and suspicions about guys and interacting with guys does not apply when girls are in the company of non-desi guys because in her mind - he is not a “prospect” nor is he going to go back to some busy-body aunty and tell them how free and liberal and not good the girl was.
So yes, a guy trying to get with a Pakistani girl will usually be shot down because she is taught to be suspicious of his motives.
So guys, the answer to your question is train the parents to teach their daughters to be less suspicious of guys and more open to being picked up/hit on - problem solved for both genders.
Mehnaz made the point above in a blog the other day and there were plenty of the gals who saw themselves in the description.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Pakistani girls are socialized to be demure and reserved when in the company of desi guys - this makes them a "good girl" which is the ultimate epithet their parents and/or society aspires for them to attain.
The same inhibitions and suspicions about guys and interacting with guys does not apply when girls are in the company of non-desi guys because in her mind - he is not a "prospect" nor is he going to go back to some busy-body aunty and tell them how free and liberal and not good the girl was.
So yes, a guy trying to get with a Pakistani girl will usually be shot down because she is taught to be suspicious of his motives.
So guys, the answer to your question is train the parents to teach their daughters to be less suspicious of guys and more open to being picked up/hit on - problem solved for both genders.
I am sorry to be crude by that is just ****ed up. With reference to the desi guys and non-desi guys distinction. Not every guy is a freaking prospect. Not every freaking girl is a prospect.
Sometimes its just a friendly conversation, or just friends. No desire to go forward at all. If desi girls go into any interaction with a desi guy that they are a potential prospect you literally start seeing things that are not there and more importantly you set up a very awkward situation.
Lastly tell parents is one thing. But what about the girls already trained with this mentality, you lot are pretty much dead in the water right? Can't teach an old dog new tricks and all that?
Some things are more valuable than a manicure that is for certain. The question is are flowers really worth it? Is it acceptable to kill a living organism so that a woman may say some nice things to you?
With reference to the desi guys and non-desi guys distinction. Not every guy is a freaking prospect. Not every freaking girl is a prospect.
Of course every guy is not a prospect - but it's the whole - what if they think I think they are a prospect - better to keep your distance and shoot them down than to risk them thinking I think he's a prospect.
Sometimes its just a friendly conversation, or just friends. No desire to go forward at all. If desi girls go into any interaction with a desi guy that they are a potential prospect you literally start seeing things that are not there and more importantly you set up a very awkward situation.
Lastly tell parents is one thing. But what about the girls already trained with this mentality, you lot are pretty much dead in the water right? Can't teach an old dog new tricks and all that?
At some point the girls with the messed up mentality decide to take control of their own lives. They've done things their parents way and that didn't work - so now it's time to do things in their own way to make themelves happy. Parents come around to this way of thinking because they see the error of their uber-traditionalism and how it hinders their children rather than helping them.
Some things are more valuable than a manicure that is for certain. The question is are flowers really worth it? Is it acceptable to kill a living organism so that a woman may say some nice things to you?
See with the steaks those animals have already died and it would be a crime against their lives not to eat them. They died for a cause. A reason and I will not let that go rewarded.
Sehrysh you are essentially telling me girls are rude to guys because they might for some reason maybe like the guy in the future for some reason? Mind you this is all a great maybe?
thats because norm in Pakistan is to go “through proper channel” and guys who try to approach the girls directly (that too without knowing them well), are considered outliers. You have to follow a norm in any society.
on top of it (as mentioned above), If girl “gives” a chance to guy, she might be considered as “not so shareef” by society and sometimes even by the same guy.
and finally despite all this, guy-girl connection is not that taboo in large cities. I remember even from my days (ok I am not talking about 80s but 90s), that girls use to give a pretty good response of decent queries at least at colleges and universities.
Sehrysh you are essentially telling me girls are rude to guys because they might for some reason maybe like the guy in the future for some reason? Mind you this is all a great maybe?
My best pals in HS were James and Andy. Jamal and Abrar on the other hand knew to keep away because they would get the cold shoulder.
I didn't like any of them in a romantic way - the guys were just pals, but on the off chance that Jamal or Abrar thought I might like them - I decided the safest course of action was to keep a distance, which in some instances meant being less friendly with them. Of course the flip side was Jamal and Abrar thought I was snooty because I was pals with James and Andy and wouldn't extend my friendship to them.
Oh, and btw, in the olden days, the desi guys were given the same message from parents and society about keeping a distance from girls. So, the guys who did try and get friendly were the ones who were trying to pick up the girl. As a result, even the harmless guys got labelled flirts for trying to make time with the girls.
but 90s), that girls use to give a pretty good response of decent queries at least at colleges and universities.