An interesting point

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: An interesting point

^i agree

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I don't know whether girls in Pakistan face the same problem - only they can respond. But, I do know that finding an appropriate rishta is not as easy as we imagine and their parents face the same challenges as ours who live abroad.

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Re: An interesting point

I am basing my comment on the amount of people I have met, born and raised in Pakistan, who were sexually active (boys and girls) prior to marriage. Obviously, they weren't turning the opposite gender down if they were getting it on.

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^ I have a story on that that was shared with me. My oh my :ast:!

And we assume that all Pakistani girls are naik and shareef. They are just like us here abroad, for the most part many are good girls, and then with some rotten apples thrown in that spoil the barrel :nahi:

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Re: An interesting point

Well my sister always had interest in this guy. She was never shy to express it even when she was little. :smiley:

You know in our manly man culture… I knew it all along. :smiley: and the women in the family knew it.

Guy was awesome, bold and brave. He was more on wild side actually But around my sister, he was very respectful and quiet :phati:

They have 3 kids together now :phati:

26

Re: An interesting point

From what I think - pakistani or not, most girls would ignore that a guy asked them out etc. if they didn't like them back. The only time they brag is when they are actually slightly interested in the guy too...lol

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D6C The conversation I was having was with a group of friends who were looking to get married and couldn't find a suitable match the old fashioned way. So thus the conversation revolved around finding a guy on their own, something according to them girls are doing more and more often now in the major cities.

Sehrysh, everything you have stated applies to guys in general. Not desi guys in specific. You spend too much time with a guy, or give a single he misconstrues, its not desi guy specific. Essentially what you did was "just in case one of the guys may think I like him, let me not even bother to talk to them." Which is kinda insane. I now get why Pakistani girls have such issues regarding what other people say, its been bred into them from a very young age and then they take illogical decisions which only reinforce the stupidity.

Indian girls in this regard are much more relaxed and easy going.

As for girls in Pakistan. You ladies would be shocked by what goes on in which circles. Remember social strata and education background affects how one interacts with the opposite gender.

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Re: An interesting point

I agree with Sehrysh.

Girls living in Pakistan don't have similar issues because they don't have to guard their reputations as crazily as girls abroad. why? because out of the 1000 girls attending their school or present in the community, there will be about 25 who are the rotten apples and are known for be-sharmi and awarapan. Those 25 girls are the talk of the town and have given aunties enough gossip material to last the whole year. Now if an innocent little girl takes a guy's number or maybe goes out for coffee just like the other 975 girls in her college...i guess its pretty normal and although not acceptable for her parents or chachi or khala to find out...atleast she has the defense that "all the other girls are doing it" and if any aunty comes out talking crap about it the girl can definitely point out someone in that aunty's family (daughter, neice, grandkid, etc) who has done far worse.

in comparison, a pakistani girl being raised abroad will have about 1000 gori girls in her school whose actions simply don't matter. there will be about 20 total desi girls out of that population who are being analyzed by every desi aunty around. out of those 20, even if 5 associate with guys and go clubbing every night, its simply not enough material to keep the aunties occupied and therefore the gossip hunters have to go further down the list and find the 10 other girls who may have looked at a guy, smiled at a guy, talked to someone for something besides homework, worn jeans that are too tight, etc etc. we know that our actions are being analyzed in fine detail by every aunty and her son so we have to be extra careful and try to ignore the crap out of every guy in the desi community. because we know that although this guy may be completely innocent and is only interested in a simple conversation, the idiot will go home to describe us as the comparatively more "modern' and "friendly" girl of the bunch which his mom will take to mean "chalaak" and "awara" girl who is trying to trap her gem of a son because afterall he is the most eligible bachelor on the planet.

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:k:

Interesting :cb:

I doubt you’ll get a meal before the chance.

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Re: An interesting point

It is true that a guy cannot go up to a girl and start the conversation all at once. He will surely get rejected. If it is an office or university, he has to first establish himself as a nice guy than he can go to the girl and start talking.

Instant pick ups don't work here and it is good. In the end, Girls do get the nice guys.

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Fo sho! My friends back home certainly don't have these issues at all. My friends here are a mixed bunch. Most of us, including me, certainly wouldn't assume a guy was in love with me if he was nice to me.

It depends on the social situation as well. If a guy approached me in a club, bar, on the street, I would outright reject them because a) they are usually weirdos and b) they're only after one thing.

And I don't get the whole 'protecting the reputation' business either. The Pakistani community in London is not very close knit so we don't get the whole aunties gossiping/stalking bs.

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ugh. That is so darn manipulative - when a guy acts all nice etc. It gets on my nerves. Why can't people simply state what they really intend!

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Not necessarily!! Decent, educated girls and guys do not behave like that. Yes dating is still for the most part a taboo except in some circles and dating without marriage prospect is even rare. But if you approach a female colleague, class mates etc, chances are you are somewhat familiar with each other and you may get rejected but not for the reasons that you mentioned. I don’t know about the bar scenes (if any) in Pakistan but girls going to bars are generally don’t see dating as taboo and are approachable.

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But they could get wind of somthing and start making assumptions. Truthfully, no Pakistani community where I live either, maybe 2 or 3 families. One time all us kids were in middle school and we were out and everyone(guys and gals) went to play touch football or something, even the girl wearing the hijab, in front of her house. Of course me being the freak I was until a few years ago, I stayed on the side. My mom found out and damn that lecture nearly made me cry in frustration. My dad was in on it too! It was all, it doesn't matter if you were standing there on the side, not playing, what matters is people see what they want to see and they could make it a problem for you. Since that day I have hated the fact that I have to guard everything I say or do because of some snot nosed idiots who decided that gossiping and putting others down is basically our culture.

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American research concluded that it does not much have to do with how attractive a girl is, but moreso with how approachable she is, i.e. smiles at you, looks at you etc.

Obviously that is about US.

Another research concluded that men expect sex on the first date when the women initiate the contact or ask the guy out. Because if a woman can be bold enough to ask someone for a date, she is considered bold enough to want to have sex on the first date. This is why, most women give very unclear signals about their interest. As OP observed, they check to see if the guy is legit (though, how sure can you be by playing hard to get?)

In any case, those observations OP made are present in the western culture too.