Right i got an e-mail from a friend - paddy. He is dating a really nice girl. They have been going out for close to a year and a half now. Things are working great. Everybody approves of her and she makes him really happy. The situation however is a little strained and us - the group of friends we are - are actively meddling. Paddy is the youngest in the group and since his brother is no longer here, we will fill the role of elder siblings.
The problem is as follows: Paddy’s girl has been hanging out with her friends, one friend in particular - a guy. She never mentions any of her activities with the said guy to paddy. She actually ignores the matter, avoids it or throws the you don’t trust me phrase in his face.
Now my friends have seen her and him hanging out and when paddy is asked he has no clue they were hanging out and she does not inform of this either. One of the guys mentioned it in passing when i was in geneva and he was shocked that she had not told him she was meeting her friend and when asked about it she lied about it.
Being the busybodies we are we quickly made sure everybody we know would inform us if anybody saw those two hanging out. We are over protective of paddy and we got some very very protective women in our social group.
Now the situation is as follows. It has been noted that she hangs out with the other guy and has actively not told Paddy about meeting him, talking to him etc. She has also tried her best to make sure those two don’t contact each other.
Personally I feel like telling paddy to kick her to the curb. My other friends say lets wait and see and a few say she is not doing anything wrong. I find it extremely odd she will never tell paddy what she is doing or changes the subject when the other guy is mentioned.
There is something wrong here. She is hiding her friendship with the other guy means its more than a simple friendship. Otherwise why would someone try to hide it and make it like a mystery.
I guess, your freind Paddy needs to have a serious and straight forward discussion with her. Since they're in a relationship, he has every right of making sure that nothing wrong is going on in this situation.
People who feel guilty try to hide, others really don't care because for them its normal.
Paddy is indonesian if that helps. That basically describes his personality as well. Docile, non-confrontation even when he is being wronged, i.e. he won't stand up for himself. So before it was his brother who helped him out and now its us.
To make it clear Paddy has asked for our advice. Thus the mentioning of he e-mail in the first sentence.
As for us not meddling, that is sadly we have never been able to do. We actively partake in each others lives and are extremely protective.
Girls can't cheat, only guys do that, maybe she's getting back at him for talking to a girl or cuz he beats her or cuz he's cheating on her, those can be only reasons.
If Paddy has solicited help on the matter....then go back to him, explain the suspicions and ask him if he would like a couple of you guys to mediate a conversation with her on the subject.
Obviously she has been silver-tongued enough to give him the slip....maybe she won't accomplish as much with a couple of "outsiders" around.
that girl is not clear…either the guy is overjealous and she hides simple friendship to have peace at home, or the guy is nice (seems so from your description) and then the girl is hiding something…a relation is not real without trust!
if she trust him she will tell ANYTHING!
if she hides, it means there are serious hurdles btw this couple, and weak ground is not recommended to build on:bummer:
Some people take the view that you don't have to tell your bf/gf EVERYTHING that goes on in your life especially if you don't consider it as a big deal. So this other guy is probably just a mate and she doesn't see the need to go in to any major detail about their friendship coz it's not that important to her to discuss!
first things first, get him a new name and I think its not write for the girl to lie about where shes been and if she had lied then theres no reason why mr.paddy should trust her.
you should stop trying to be paddy's daddy and let him sort his problems out himself.. even if you 'save' him from this one, u can't be with him all his life protecting him.. better for him to learn it the hard way himself..
