'Hey Dan… you know what? I grinned.
‘What??’ he looked at me excited
‘hmmm… remember you said something awhile ago.. how you dont like sharing your feelings with anyone’
'umm yes.. ’ he leaned back in his chair and grinned. I couldnt help laugh at him.
‘well.. do you realise you have told me enough to blackmail you’
'you wont do that.. ’ He leaned over on the table.
‘how do you know that?’ I asked
‘cus you are you… thats all I need to say’ He smiled and then leaned back into his chair again. I looked at him and wondered what did he mean.
'I know you love me Mr Daniyal, its ok… ’ I couldnt help making a smart comment.
'Good… she has finally figured it out.. ’ He clapped quietly embarrassing me.
‘Yes.. that I have, you’re an open book’ I teased.
‘Only for you sweetheart’ He cheekily said.
I decided I needed to change the topic and asked him about his cricket game which he was playing tomorrow. That’s how he knew Anam’s husband, Imran. They play cricket for a local Pakistani team which one of the uncle’s has created. Daniyal seems to think he’s the best thing that ever happened for cricket and asked me to come and see him play. I said no because I didnt think he needed any more of a big head. He moaned and asked me to come with my brats and his siblings. I thought about it and said I’d come one day.
We walked back to Flinders street. By the time we got to the parking, it was almost 12.30.
‘You gonna get in trouble?’ He looked concerned. I looked at my time and thought my parents still wouldnt be back, but I was tired and could do with some sleep.
‘Na.. should be aright. Parents are probably still out’
‘You gonna be arrite driving back?’ He was being funny. I dont usually see him being this nice.
‘Yeah… i’ll be fine. You drive save ok?’ I said and got into my car.
‘Hey… thanks for the lovely night’ he said ‘i’ll treasure this night forever… and ever’ He flirted.
‘Bequiet… go home. I’ve just about had enoufh of you Dan’ I laughed back at him.
‘Arrite… see you soon then.’ He closed my door and I pulled down my window. ‘Come and cheer for me at the game tomorrow. I’ll be waiting’
‘Good, you do that. I’ll be sleeping in’. I said. He laughed. ‘Khuda Hafiz Dan… drive safe ok?’
‘I will… and you too. Khuda Hafiz’ He smiled and I started my car and reversed out. He stood there until I drove out of the parking safely.
I started to miss his company as I left. I wished God would do something special for me. Please God, I asked.
(17/02/03)
My family was still out by the time I got home. I figured I’d still have about 2 hours to lounge around on my own before they got back, so I took a nice hot shower, got into a compfy shilwar kameez and put on a desi flick Kuch Kuch Hotha Hai. I’d watched it a dozen times already, but thought I needed some light romantic movie to end the night. My mind wasnt on the movie. I felt like calling up Anam and telling her about the whole night. I hadnt spoken or seen her for awhile either. It was too late to be calling her though. Didnt know what to do. My body was so tired but my mind fully awake. I decided to have a cup of tea.
My phone beeped. It was Daniyal.What was he doing awake? Silly question, what was I doing awake?
‘Usha called. Told her everything. She’s pretty cut but I feel gr8. No more hassles :)’ he wrote.
I assumed he must have told her how he felt. I messaged him back saying it was good he had talked to her about it and was feeling better, at least now i wont have to see his sulky face. He laughed and said thanks for listening to him, I called him an idiot and asked him to go to bed. I smiled to myself that he felt he had to share his day to day dealings with me. I felt really close to him in an odd way. And then I wondered life without him.
Mama had no idea how much Daniyal and I talked. If she knew she would arrange the wedding straight away, but, I truely didnt know what I would tell her even if I did begin to explain the situation. What would I say?
‘Mama the guy you introduced me to is the best thing thats ever happened to me, yet we’re not getting married’?
‘Mama, Daniyal and I get along so well, and we cant believe that our parents actually set us up, yet we dont know what we want?’
I had no idea what I would say to anyone. I hadn’t been able to tell the brats much either about the situation. I decided I really needed to talk to Daniyal about this, but what was I to ask him as well?
‘Daniyal, should we get married?’
His heart would stop beating and he would never want to see me again. No, he wouldnt do that, but I was scared of his answer. I didnt want to know the truth, whatever it was. I liked being in this dreamworld and waiting for the days to unfold themselves. I just went with the flow, not knowing what might happen next. When I had first met Daniyal, I didnt know if I’d ever meet him again, and look where its brought us. We talk to each other as though we’ve known each other from prep. For our parents it’s probably a God sent gift. For my brats, a chance to see their baji get married. For me, meeting someone I’ve waited for all along, and still… not being able to do anything about it. But, what is Daniyal thinking of all this?
Before going to bed, I prayed and then sat on my bed talking to God.
‘God, Assalam o Alaikum. I am really confused, but I think you already know that..’ I began.
'…I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately, about this mess I think I’ve gotten myself into. God, I really didnt want this to happen and I dont even know why it has. I know you have a reason for all this and I’m sure you are planning something good for me.. but what is that? I dont know.. ’ I sulked. I took a deep breath and then started to tell God more of what was in my heart.
‘God, I cant tell anyone else about how I feel. I’m not sure if anyone else will understand.. well how could they huh? If i dont either. I think I’m really falling in love with him… but I dont even know what love is. You know everything thats inside me Allah Mian. You know how I feel and why I do.. please help me.’ I was nearly in tears. I decided to change the topic as I knew God already knew everything I said, but, I felt better that I had told someone. Someone who really mattered. In the end I asked God to take care of everyone I knew and loved, and even if I didnt love them or knew them, to bless them anyways.
My family still werent back. I lay down, and fell asleep.
but a few of the characters in there are my own family members and stuff…
