As’salam walekom Everyone,
I would like to get some advice and hopefully meet sisters or brothers who have gone through what I’m going through now.
My name is Hibba ( my muslim name give to me by the Pakistani family I will marry into )
I met a man 17 months ago via a social networking site and fell madly in love. I was always hesitant about online dating but in my heart I knew this was different. we started off as friends as our feelings grew stronger and stronger. from chatting all hours online to non stop calls from him on my mobile.
I have been accepted by his family and can see how excited they all are when talking via Web Cam ( even his Parents ) I know this is not based on him trying to get a green card he has never brought up coming to the USA only when I have spoken about it and he told me he will do whatever will make me happy…
What I want to know is the lifestyle in Pakistan, and safety is a major concern to my parents. I’m worried about me being an American traveling there that it might put me in harms way or cause problems with the family outside of their home. they assure me they will not let anything happen and that everyone will accept me as they already have.
and how hard is the process if I he decides he wants to come to the USA with me?
any storys and advice would be very helpful
American to marry Pakistani
Yes it is dangerous!! You want to go to a place where aid workers are killed for trying to save children from polio. Dear god, woman! Is this man worth it??
Re: American to marry Pakistani
to OP, what city is your to-be husband living in? If you dress the part, ie the shalwar kameez desi stuff, you’d kinda blend in. I wouldn’t go out anywhere without someone along with me. I’m assuming on any shopping trips or just sightseeing either our husband or any of your in-laws would accompany you, so stick with that arrangement as long as you can. As for lifestyle, iono, I’m sure others can fill you in better, those that have lived there or are living there.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Well chances of getting harm in Pakistan are same as in any other country. So don't listen to the rubbish, Pakistan is a big country with huge population and has all benefits and drawbacks of any 3rd world country. Ordinary People do not go out and hunt foreigners, things are not like that as portrayed by media. Pakistan is a place crowded with over 180 million people, so there will be crime but its same as in any other country. For day to day routine just follow the women folk of the house, they way they dress or go about their daily life.
Things that you should consider are, his priorities, his future plans (not everything depends on your happiness, sorry but its a fact and he should know it), his job, is he qualified enough to find a job/work in USA? How many dependents he has?
It certainly takes time for people there to come over to USA. I know people waiting for more than 2 years for their spouse to come to USA and are still waiting. So be prepared to live without him for extended duration or doing frequent visits to see him. Eventually he will want to live with you in USA, even if he not saying this explicitly (its not a bad thing, but you should not ignore this).
Re: American to marry Pakistani
as if any country is better? we hear horror storys that the media wants to throw at us, there is 2 sides to every story am I right? everywhere you go there is good , and bad people, and crime anywhere....... here I'm living in a country that people are shooting people in cinemas and going to schools and killing innocent children what makes this place any better
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Lahore, thank you for the advice
Re: American to marry Pakistani
i dont listen to people I know pakistan is seeing alot of hate all due to media. I'm willing to go through a long wait if needed ( and sure it will be ) if we have been talking almost 2 years without seeing eachother besides a web cam then I'm sure we can make this work. Thank you for the advice it was very kind of you
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Lahore, thank you for the advice
u will be safe in lahore :)
Re: American to marry Pakistani
thanks so much i feel much better
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Yes it is dangerous!! You want to go to a place where aid workers are killed for trying to save children from polio. Dear god, woman! Is this man worth it??
Absolute genius comment, you sir deserve an oscar for this! Emmh, Brilliant!
Not all of these stories are horror filled but pay attention to the ones that are..
Re: American to marry Pakistani
I would pay attention to this.
It certainly takes time for people there to come over to USA. I know people waiting for more than 2 years for their spouse to come to USA and are still waiting. So be prepared to live without him for extended duration or doing frequent visits to see him. Eventually he will want to live with you in USA, even if he not saying this explicitly (its not a bad thing, but you should not ignore this).
Re: American to marry Pakistani
He should be able to come to the USA easily. The spouse visa is a long wait (2 years) but a fiance visa is usually easier. If you want to sponsor him as a spouse and not a fiance then you should get married as soon as possible once you are absolutely sure that he's the one you want to marry. I am in the US too and there are many american ladies who got married to Pakistani guys and are living with them happily. They even go and visit Pakistan. Yes, Pakistan is a dangerous place more than America, but that shouldn't be an issue if he is coming to live here.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
I don't think I've ever heard an American refer to their cell phone as a "mobile".
Re: American to marry Pakistani
WA LAY KUM AS SALAM dear sister in Islam.
Mashallah you are a new muslim, Accept my heartiest congratulations.
I am from Lahore.Lahore is also known as city of gardens and very famous for being a hometown of world renowned Playboys, Just to name few are, Shahbaz Shairf, Imran Khan and Wasim akram.
Its the only city in the world where keeping a wild-beast lion is legal.So feel free , secure and relax.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
What I want to know is the lifestyle in Pakistan
The lifestyle will vary a lot depending on his social class. Wealthy Pakistanis can live a life very similar to, and likely even better than, the majority of westerners, in material terms.
A middle-class Pakistani lifestyle may be harder for a westerner to get used to.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Salaam Hibba,
You are getting a lot of information here from others, I wanted to add a bit more here:
The security is not a problem in Pakistan, I don't care where you go. There are other issues that you want to be aware of it. I haven't read all the comments if anyone else said this already.
You have to makeup your mind that after marriage you want to live in Pakistan or not, if you want to live in Pakistan you have to consider following:
1: Huge power issue, even in big cities, power goes out almost daily with no schedule. Folks usually run and complete their chores when power comes back. An unbearable issue for the folks who live in western countries where power is not an issue. You might say that you can live, but after few months, it’s a unbearable burden.
Water is also an issue, if you are lucky enough to get it, you have to boil it, hot water is a luxury, unless your futures in laws are millionaires.
There is not enough natural gas to burn for cooking.
It’s very very hot in summer, starting from April to Oct. In summer usually 100+ continuous three months and with power issues, again tremendous burden. The fan air gets so hot it feels like you are working close to an oven.
All these things are still issue even if you go for a short period.
If you plan to bring your SO in future:
I would say it is almost impossible, since you are an American, and he is Pakistani, met through social network, he will be investigated thoroughly. I know a friend; she has been waiting for 5 yrs for his visa. He even got a call and found someone here to sponsor him, when he went for interview, embassy refused to issue visa after three yrs of investigation.
Culture:
These are two totally different cultures, where in Pakistan, man almost plays a father role to her, it is MAN based society. You will be unfit for this.
Final word: If you are my friend, or sister or daughter, I would not recommend this, even if you were from a Pakistani family. If you are an adventurer, and wants to try to see if it is do able, go ahead and plan for engagement only and comeback and apply for his visa, as US citizen, you can apply for your fiancé, and wait and see what happens. You can also get a taste of living in Pakistan.
Another trick I always recommend is try to talk to him about never coming back to USA ever again, then see if he will stop talking to you!! Also I would ask for some of his employment history, if he has a great job, and making enough money, then he might not wanna come here. If he is recent college graduate, his intentions could be different. Very different..
If you want, I can translate some of the other responses to English so you can understand what that means.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
Lahore is relatively safer than other big cities of Pakistan.There are a lot of white people here, they are living & moving freely.Some neighbor hoods are not very stranger friendly but that's the story of any big city & about dressing I can only say wear anything as long as its modest.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
visit for a short while and see for yourself.
Re: American to marry Pakistani
I would say visit and assess for yourself then make a commitment. Good luck. :)