Am I wrong?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

so here’s one more mil story, seriously im so distressed at the moment,:frowning:

So MIL and FIL live with us, well whole family and friends know my MIL is not really an easy person to live with, even my own SILs say that " I feel sorry for u ". I’m not saying im very satti savitri bahu (simple and innocent daughter in law) but have always tried to ignore things, She can be real evil mother in law one can imagine but things aren’t in her hands anymore plus she’s getting old for real politics and and stuff she used to do with my SILs ( her other bahus). But u can’t change one’s nature I guess. so issue is whenever I go out, she goes through my stuff in my room, check every single thing, what I’ve got, what I been doing. There are about hundred times I saw her coming out of my room, as soon as she sees I’m back and parking my car, quickly turn off light and door and gets back to her room, it’s like 3rd time in a week I saw her doing same thing. yes I can see from outside if my room light is on or if anyone is in my room specially at the night time.

Now I was so angry I almost yelled at my husband and said look Im not asking u but telling to replace my door lock, as I’ve alreday asked him politely so many times but he said he wont do it in hundred years, instead started taking his mum’s side that so whats if she comes, goes through stuff a bit and then leave. It wasn’t a big deal to him and he himself asks me to respect his privacy which I do even being his partner on the other hand why he wants me to sacrifice my privacy for my MIL.

He wants to talk to her make a big issue out of it, but I’m telling him not to talk to mum as she’s a drama queen big time and just quietly get a lock fixed of not only our room but all of doors , all doors upstairs in our house cannot be locked from outside as they are just handles.

Now tell me am I to demanding too much? It’s just I don’t want someone to invade my privacy, it’s just a bloody lock I wanted, Plus is there any decent and nice way to tell my mum to stop spying on me. :frowning:

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Re: Am I wrong?

Does she have a spare key?

Well I was also in a similar situation. I use to lock my room when I use to go out with my husband. The reason I use to lock was that we were newly married that time and there were lots of guests visiting us and we had two kaam wali masis. As I had lots of gold and cash so hubby advised to lock door before going out..there were 2 occasions when I notice my MIL peak in my room..once when my husband forgot sometime and went back, my MIL was searching my wardrobe and once when she forgot the key in the door.

I find it rude but husband thought it wasn't big deal if she check out my things as it was her house.

Now I don't live with her but still when ever she is here she always check out my things . Although when I visit her I never touch her things or go to her room.

My advise would be lock your valuables.

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Re: Am I wrong?

mum or MIL. first make up your mind.

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Re: Am I wrong?

leave a bunch of used condoms around.

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Re: Am I wrong?

PAKISTANIMARD im been talking about my MIL, I dont need to make my mind up

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Re: Am I wrong?

So the house belongs so you and your husband and your in-laws moved in with you. You also have the freedom to go to places and purchase items since your clearly drive.

Here's what I fail to understand: What is preventing YOU from putting locks in your bedroom door? Get in the car and go purchase the locks. If you can't figure out how to change it...then hire a handyman or get your brother/male cousin etc. to do it for you. After all.......you're the "lady" of the house right? If your MIL's snooping is causing you so much distress (and I believe you're totally jusitified in your feeling btw), instead of throwing tantrums and waiting for your husband to do it.....be a grown woman and get it done yourself.

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Re: Am I wrong?

hmm...if you have nothing to hide, shouldn't bother you much. but if its making you have sleepless nights. Just lock the hideworthy stuff in your cabinets etc?

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Re: Am I wrong?

I'd go with the very last point in Angel's post;lock your valuables. For example, place things that you don't want ANYONE ( not just mil) getting into.....in an attaché or a drawr or safe that has a lock and keep the keys. Getting a lock for every door in your house........that's a bit much IMO. It's very in your face and it'll leave a bad taste and fuel the tension. My parents don't live with in laws....and the door to their room is not locked.....but valuables are placed in a container that is locked. Nobody in my family will steal and there isn't a trust issue, but that was a security precaution my parents took.....and it's understandable; it doesn't cause offense. Whereas locking all doors sends the message that not only are you not trusted, you're not welcome. It's harsher.

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Re: Am I wrong?

Yeh My husband owns the house, I know I can easily get locks from any DIY shop, and I'm gonna tell my husband that I'll tell my BIL to fix lock for me once he get back home from work, but I don't want things to go worse by involving my BIL in this situation, we keep our disputes and disagreements to ourselves and don't involve others in our matters.

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Re: Am I wrong?

how can a 'chaloaakomasi' be intimidated by poor old MIL...i fail to understand that! :D

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Re: Am I wrong?

I had the same issue back in Pakistan not only with my MIL but her daughters. Since I realised my room is being checked, I didnt lock the room but locked my cupboard, My TV trolley, my drawers and gave password to my computer. Everytime I used to leave the house for even a single minute, I never forgot to lock everything!! I think you shall try that!! I understand how it feels because I have gone through it!!

Also, fighting with your husband over MIL/ SIL issues will create more issues!! Dont fight/ argue with him but learn from your surroundings and learn your inlaws behavior and tackle them accordingly!! Atleast, thats what I have learnt from my personal experience!!

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Re: Am I wrong?

Why even bother to bring up the BIL to your husband? Your husband is well-aware of the fact that you want locks in the bedroom. So if he comes home one day and see that locks are already in place on the bedroom door, it's not like it'll be a big shock to him since you have made it VERY clear that you want locks there.

Why can't YOU buy the DIY locks and put it in yourself? If you can manage to drive a car.....surely you can figure out how to put in DIY locks in a door? No?

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Re: Am I wrong?

^why you want her to change the door locks? :konfused:

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Re: Am I wrong?

MY husband even said the same thing, but it's not I have got to hide something, it's just not nice to go through others stuff, I hate it. my husband never checked my things or even go through my phone, I'm not in a habbit of being spied on, I know she's not thief and not gonna take anything away but still I don't want her to check my stuff and know every single thing I own.

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Re: Am I wrong?

I totally Understand!! :chai:

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Re: Am I wrong?

Its not nice to go through someone's room. Its embarrassing and kind of gross. You have your private things in your room...they're not there for prying eyes.

I'd either get a lock or get a small cupboard that can be locked.

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Re: Am I wrong?

I actually like queer’s idea. :hehe:

but what does she actually do after going through your stuff? does she take it away? does she tell other people what you have? does she bring it up?

Since you’ve already talked to your husband…I guess I’d take the passive-aggressive route which is lock truly valuable things (passport, cash, jewelry, financial information etc) in a small safe or something. or lock the whole room whenever u go out.

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Re: Am I wrong?

poor old lady [MIL] may just be looking for clues if she will become DADI anytime soon so she could arrange for a big ‘baby shower’ party and prepare for the baby’s arrival! :cb: :smiley:

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Re: Am I wrong?

:rotfl:

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Re: Am I wrong?

lol. put some naughty stuff in closet/drawer, once she get them :wink: . she will gonna become the patient of high blood pressure. :chai:

learn something from nadz, how she annoyed her mil’s kaam wali through dirty clothes. :wink:

seriously, you can lock your precious stuff in closet or locker. and keep keys at safe place.