am i wrong?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: am i wrong?

aniee, was this an arranged marriage?

22

Re: am i wrong?

nice word of wisdom dude :sunnyboy:

23

Re: am i wrong?

it seems love arranged marriage :hmmm:

24

Re: am i wrong?

why don't you guys have any money?

25

Re: am i wrong?

Vow question of one million :cb:

26

Re: am i wrong?

lol it does matter I think.

If u have no money cz he's sending majority of it to his family back home, then I see how he's at fault....

otherwise, if u two are young and just starting out in life and the budget is a bit tight, then yeah, its your fault. Not what u wanna hear OP but..yeah.

27

Re: am i wrong?

i think its arrange hate marriage

28

Re: am i wrong?

^ i think it was love turned into hate marriage. she started a thread about how boyfriends turn bad after marriage, but maybe she just meant that generally....But anyway she seems to have too may things to complain about with the marriage not even a year old yet.

29

Re: am i wrong?

i think ppl can understand who is part of the problem

30

Re: am i wrong?

i think she should be made moderator of this particular forum

As she is quite hyperactive here

31

Re: am i wrong?

IMHO, tables are curtains could have waited. Men are not that quick to flare up at things as compared to us women folk, but if you start with taanay like "hamare pas to kabhi paise nahi hote", what else but dafa ho jao and zindagi tabah hogai kind of things from his side. You know how things aggravate in moments of anger, none is in their true senses and regrettable things are said. Even if curtains and table were indipensible, there could have been a better way to make it happen. Undertanding and coperation are two important factors to make marital relationship work. Money issues can come up in the lives of the billionare couples as well. Its simply about how much you want. Dont let such mundane or material things make you hurt your husband by hinting at how insufficient money he is making. Or you will lose all respect in his eyes for you and I dont think you want your respect traded for valueless material things.

32

Re: am i wrong?

ohh and also answering the thread question. YES, you are wrong.

As a wife you need to understand when your husband is being serious and when things are slipping out of his mouth because you pushed him in a corner. You should know that when something like that statement slipped out that HE WAS GOING TO APOLOGIZE to you. Which he did. So give him a break.

33

Re: am i wrong?

no matter what - your husband shouldnt have said what he said -

a husband should NEVER EVER say these things to her wife NO MATTER how big the fight is

and yes apologizes dont fix things

34

Re: am i wrong?

How dare he made breakfast after saying all that to you. First he didn’t care for your rights (curtain and all that) and then he tried to interfere in your responsibilities :mad:

35

Re: am i wrong?

To me, its irrelevant now to figure out who's to be blamed. Instead, Its more to do with reconciliation. Something he has initiated and waits for you to finish. He apparently did what he could to make you feel better, make amends and apologize, despite not being at the major end of the game called blame.

So yes, be the bigger one and let it go/forgive.

2cents.

36

Re: am i wrong?

OP...a few questions:

Do you guys live in Pakistan or abroad?
Do you work?
Does your husband work full time and make an honest living? (any gambling, drinking, debt issues?)

If you guys live abroad: GO GET A JOB AND BY YOURSELF CURTAINS AND TABLES
If you don't work: SEE ABOVE ANSWER
If your husband is a good, honest man with halal ki kamai, then shut the hell up and get off his case....

The worst thing you can do as a newlywed is insult your husband's earning capabilities. Ghar curtains, furniture, blah, blah, blah say nahi bantahay, bulkay, pyar, izzat aur samajdhari say....

And WHY would you ever let him use credit cards to get that stuff anyway?? Have you ever taken a consumer/personal finance course? If you don't have the cash to buy something like that at this very moment...DON'T USE CREDIT CARDS!!! The interest will kill you!! Credit cards should only be used as a means to build your GOOD credit history..meaning, charge a small amount, and pay it off at the end of the billing cycle....

If you're already making statements about how miserable marriage is and how much you hate it, then I'm sorry, but no amount of furnishings for your home will ever make you content.

I have always been a firm believer in the theory that a new wife can either be a husband's good luck charm, or biggest curse. Please don't fall into the second catergory. Have patience, support your husband in making your home (not with material things!!), and inshallah, things will get better for you.

And yes...you were wrong.

37

Re: am i wrong?

Ainee,

It takes time to build a home and you need to be patient. He's the only one earning money for two people and you need to put yourself in his shoes and look at it from his perspective as well. He also wants a comfortable and set home....and he wants to be able to provide for you...and it's natural for him to be frustrated when he feels as though his efforts are unsatisfactory. Imagine if you try your best to maintain a home....you do the cooking.....you do the cleaning....ironing, etc.......and then he complains that it's never good enough. You'd feel irritated/hurt as well. I'm not justifying what he said to you, but you both need to be careful of what you say to one another. Each time he gets a pay check...that money has to be used for many things....it can't all be blown away on furniture. You have to prioritizie your expensenses.....what's more important paying the utilities bill and buying food or buying the curtains? You have to decide what things need to be bought right away.....and what things you can manage to WAIT for and buy at a later time.

I remember when we moved to the US and got our home...it took a long time to set it up. It was the first time I ever saw a home being set up....the one I had lived in and moved from was already made up before I was old enough to remember. For maybe a couple of weeks...we slept on a mattress....and gradually things were bought....from the bigger pieces of furniture to the small appliances for the kitchen to the little accents for the bathroom. It takes time and you have to be patient. He said some harsh words....and he was wrong about that.....but I thought it was really sweet for him to make it up to you as well. If he hurt you...you hurt him too....but he made the compromise ....he might feel "tight" with money but to cheer you up he said he'll take you shopping....so you need to meet him half way and move past this. Some husbands would not be as considerate and you KNOW that...from the nightmarish stories you read in this forum.

38

Re: am i wrong?

I think he may be right.

-DP

39

Re: am i wrong?

You guys both said things in anger and in the heat of the moment. He has already shown good will by trying to make up for what he said. You should do the same. And for heaven's sake let the curtain and table issue be for now.

40

Re: am i wrong?

yaar kis chawal aadmi se shaadi kar li tum ne???

divorce him and marry someone who cares for your needs................ h
e doesn't deserve you at all............ if he cared for you enough.........he would've got the curtains before you asked........or even he should've given you enough money to buy curtains and rest of the stuff.......

this is just pathetic and shameful behavior of your husband.............