Re: am i wrong ...
^ Wow if they're causing u so much trouble right now, then why even marry into tht family?
Re: am i wrong ...
what i heard from others that in pakistan nowadays, they even start serving food after midnight or so your rukhsati would be around 2 or 3am. i dont think so after that long and tiring day you and him would want to drive to the hotel or would have the energy to do 'anything'(who knows ..hehe). staying home would be the better idea i think and you can save time (from driving to and back from hotel) and should rather sleep extra hour or two to look fresh on your walima .. and yes, for some families bringing Dulhan straight to home means a lot. they are so much into this rasms thingy .. you should respect their wishes too.
Finally, one decent advise...! You have your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you want, but i wouldn't suggest messing up your relationship with your in laws on your first day in their house...they might not say anything, but dil main aik baat to aa jati hei, and that will always come to haunt you..
best wishes :)
Re: am i wrong ...
marriage is about compromises ;-)
go to his place first so that your in-laws are happy and they do the rasams of kheer/cake/sweet eating, photos etc. and then after a couple of hours you can leave for the hotel. I don't think he should have a problem with that. People in Pak do it all the time where they go to a hotel so it's perfectly normal and has been adopted by the Pak culture as normal.
Now if his family is super conservative and doesn't believe in this norm then you might want to re-think your decision. Otherwise as far as I know most people in Pak don't have an issue w/ it
Re: am i wrong ...
sara ... ya u r right, lekin nikah ho chuka hai .. lolzz.. and i cud neva think abt spendin my life with someone else, as we are quite close to each other.. arrange marriage hone kay bawajood bhi ...
bas kabhi kabhi insaan ki soch ka , foran ney peta challta na .. kya kar sakte hein
and ya , rukhsarbibi, even i think that for the most people in pak its not an issue.. and its quite "normal" if couples do so
Re: am i wrong ...
I guess I missed some of the goings on....but hey, the whole "welcome to our household" with flower garlands leading to bedroom and flower bed, that whole thing is just right out of a romance novel...just DOES something for me I guess. A hotel could do the flowers but something is lost in the translation if you know what I mean.....
Re: am i wrong ...
Honey19 i get what ur saying. Personally I wudnt have wanted to have my 1st night with my hubz in the family home where the whole khandaan is staying over. I know ppl do it but i find it icky. U can do all the fancy flower stuff in a hotel as well-esp in Pak they'll do it howeva u want.
Re: am i wrong …
This is a very fair solution. :k:
Re: am i wrong ...
just wondering what wrong in staying at home?
Re: am i wrong ...
I personally think that you are making a big deal out of a small issue... so what if he wants to come back to his house after shaadi? What's wrong with that?
you want your wish to be fulfilled but what about his?
sorry to be devils advocate but I am just being honest with ya..
Re: am i wrong ...
How weird is his what will the people say...since when was visiting a hotel room with your wife something to gossip about or is it?...
Re: am i wrong ...
marriage is about compromises ;-)
go to his place first so that your in-laws are happy and they do the rasams of kheer/cake/sweet eating, photos etc. and then after a couple of hours you can leave for the hotel. I don't think he should have a problem with that. People in Pak do it all the time where they go to a hotel so it's perfectly normal and has been adopted by the Pak culture as normal. Now if his family is super conservative and doesn't believe in this norm then you might want to re-think your decision. Otherwise as far as I know most people in Pak don't have an issue w/ it
I was gonna say the same .......:)
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ya, it might be something quite a chotee baat , which has become an issue for me .. but its really just like, that i will really feel and i know that very uncomfortable to stay with him in that house, spendin my first night there, with loads of tabbar in that house, that is jus wat i hate abt that thought stayin there ...
Re: am i wrong ...
wrong w. staying at home w. a "tabbar" on ur one and only wedding nite? eww come on think about it people! helloo its a special time i dont wanna hear kids crying in the background when im try to get it on...lol...hahha......
it might be small to some...but we gotta focus on why its big to honey after all its her problem not ours....girl....go w. ur gut....
cant u stay in pakistan for maybe a couple extra days? hmm....im thinking of what else u can do....have u tried talking to him agian about this? what has he said now?
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pay for the room in advance...then he wont want to waste the money later! he wont be able to change it so ull have to get there eventually!
Re: am i wrong …
do the rasams and everything at his house and spend time with the family. I think that will be a good compromise. Later go to the hotel. Hate to break it to you but there is no getting out of doing the rasams no matter how much you hate it. Afterall the wedding is for everyone else to enjoy not for u 
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also wanted to add.....this is something his family will always remember.....ask yourself....is it really too much to ask for you to spend 1 night at their house....even if it is your first night together? afterall you have so many nights together inshAllah.....dont forget you are going back to germany with him...leaving his family are u not?
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seems like a non issue to me. but wat ever works for u go for it.
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honey19.. u should explain it to ur hubby that u wud feel utterly embarassed in the morning w/ ppl hovering around ur door to wake u up (could be a possibility) or people being nosy and making mountains out of molehills... honestly but if someone's in the shower, u can tell in the next room, or if the lights are on/off.. wahtever!
like u just HAVE to explain to him that u need ur privacy and ur space for that nite... ure not comfortable moving into his household that very night as is!!
Re: am i wrong ...
ya.. true .. ^^
but that paying for the room in advance aint a bad idea ... lets see what happenes ... still thanks to the ladies here who tried to help ... lolzz.. :)
mod u can close this thread now .... :)
:)
Re: am i wrong …
Shaaaaaaaadi pakistan mai kis jagah or kis din hoo rahe hai …
Advance mai bhooot bhoooot shaaaaaadi mubarik hoooo
chotee chootee baatoo koo issue nah banie ..u hardly spend few more hours in pak then Y nt spend them in that particular family home …Kia home bhooooooooot zaidah he bakwaaaaas sa hai …i hop nt ..ghar to ghar hota …jasa be hoo …Par woo ghar he asal mai app ka ghar hai 
…Phir aik dafa ghar ja ki dekh too lai …kaisa hai ap ka in laws ka ghar baaaar … …then ..phir wapis germany gah ka goo dil kiya woo ker lai nah ..kese ka dil nahii toornah chahiyah..