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I really don;t know why u r still wit hhim ebrima.
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Well it seems things have come to a head. I just got home and he was with the kids. As soon as I got in he said “Im just coming”and went out and drove off. I go up to my room to find the TV gone and the phone wrecked and some of my exercise equipment wrecked. I am so angry. What was the need to wreck stuff. I tried to call him but no answer. So I sent him a text”Who do u think u r. What was the point of wrecking things. Your daughters still live here you know. Coward.”
So Ive just been out and bought a new phone and some phone cards to call his family in Pak.
I think this is really it now cos before whenever anythings gone wrong weve never taken it outside, we've always sorted things out between each other. But now hes actually left.
I feel gutted, literally.
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ebrima, do you have any good friends or relatives close by for moral support? Please stay strong and keep in mind your first priority is to take care of your daughters. Take some time off work if you have to. How old r your children?
May Allah help you.
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That's why, it's always good for both partners to look for someone religious...
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what a load of crock.. if it isn’t ‘drinking’ it’d be beating the wife cuz u think it’s religiously alright.. or marrying another woman over her cuz u think it’s allowed.. so spare us the ‘religious’ crappola..
as for ebrima.. for a moment i thought .. u have kids so it’s tough.. but then again.. who’d want such a deadbeat dad for their kids.. they and you are better off without him.. KICK HIM OUT!!
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^^
PA, in a Hadith (which you don’t believe in) the Holy Prophet :saw: said, if you wish to see a person’s faith, look at the way he treats his wife…
How many religious people do you know that have raised their hand on their wife? I know of none…
You are just brainwashed into believing that…
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ebrima jalow: I gotta give u props for putting up with a guy like dat..most girls wouldve never put up with dat stuff… I hope everything works during seperation.
Stay strong n keep ur head up!
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YOU'RE THE BREADWINNER!!!!!!!
Most women stay in these situations because they are financially dependent on him. Consider yourself lucky that YOU ARE NOT!
I know it's hard when you have no one to support you, but you have to do the right thing and cut your ties wiht him. Think of your children: do you want your daughters to grow up thinking it's okay for their husbands to treat them like your husband's been treating you? Do you want your sons (if you hav any) to think it's okay to treat their wives like this?
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Thanks for all your words of support I really appreciate it.
Well I was just about to make the call to his parents in Pak and I heard him come back in the front door. He says he just went out. Apparently the TV fell and broke the phone and he stood on my ab trainer to reach something highup thats why they were wrecked. I even checked in the dustbin to see if the TV was in it and it was. I was so angry with him and he was really creeping and saying OK if you want I'll change my job and do whatever you want. But I said to him look if you wanna get out then now is the timeso just go.
Hes fallen asleep now so we'll probably talk in the morn.
I'll definitely set out some ground rules tomorrow.
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Ebrima: You are a strong woman! It is about time you set out some ground rules for him. God forbid, if that was my husband....i would kick him where it would hurt, even if i was financially dependent on him. You need to stand up for yourself and your children. For God sake you are the breadwinner in this situation. Everything is in your hands....you need to take control. I know it is easier said than done. I will remember you in my prayers! Good luck in the morning!
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:k: i totally agree…with a guy that doesnt care about your feelings and doesnt even want to spend weekends with you. I think the above is the best option. Good luck with whatever you end up doing.
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hahaha even in these situations you cant let go Humor:blush:
Ebrima: Good Luck
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none? seriously? who r those savages boning young kids in madrassahs? who r the monsters parading women naked around villages and calling it ‘justice’? who were the animals in Afghanistan making women’s lives worse than a beast of burden? seriously.. u live in a frickin’ fairlyand.
regardless.. the OP should have a good hard sit down talk with the hubby.. if needed organize an intervention of some sorts.. and at the least establish ground rules for acceptible behavior as long as he’s in the union.
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DITTO!
It amazes me how women take crap. How come i dont read post from guys that my women goes out with other guys every night. Why do us women have to suffer. My friend help yourself you will be rasing split personality kids if you stay with this man more. He has no respect for you.
This is what i would have done!
My man cheats on me i will make sure to do something that one of his balls fall off and beat the crap out of him. I will not be satisfied until i see him in hospital for a month atleast. This will remind him never to do this again with other women. In the end i promise to you even if he is a legal citizen of US i will deport his ass back to his pind or city back home.
Take kids and money and live happily ever after.. i know what i said isnt a piece of cake - i have seen girls pee in their pants when i use these words.
I refuse to put up with BS.
If he hasnt rasied his hands at you i am telling you thats next…
Girls if a guy curses at you put him in his freakin place the same minute.. cause if you let it go he will keep on saying it. and thats where it all begins…
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Uhm... c to me, if a woman is strong enough to do all that ^ kicking, cursing, running away happily, then she wud never be in that situation to begin with.. i dunno maybe i'm wrong, but from all the domestic abuse literature i've read, the information ive gathered is that abusive guys r drawn to a certain type of woman that they know they can push around (not that i'm saying it's her fault)..
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sara look at from ebrima's view... She loved someone got married with that person. She works gave him kids and takes care of him. The least he could do is be faithful to her.
When someone rips your heart out like that and walks all over it. it hurts you emotionally, it kills something inside of you, and oh boy that horrible feeling of lonliness that you cant turn to those shoulders the way you did in the past can hurt even more. YOu would always be worried if your bank accounts are fine [which would get them sieze at this point]. If kids at home are safe. Embrima has 3 girls - do you have any clue what those kids are thinking. They see their parents fighting dad coming home late, drinking, and mom crying.... Can you imagine what that can do to a child.
Sara would you want this for your daughter? or would embrima ? would you want her to take carp from her husband
ebrima it would be wrong on my side to say that i understand where you are coming from all i can tell you. My friend i can slightly imagine what your heart is going through...
hugz....
sara dont underestimate your power. When women gets mad she has this amazing strength.. i strongly believe every girl should know karate.... or atleast should be able to knock one guy for few mins...
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I already gav her that advice, if not herself, think of her children..
Also, i think ebrima’s was a arranged marriage (i’m tryign to recall from another thread, i cud be mistaken), so if its a arranged thing, then theres diff reasons for being afraid to leave him than with many women who fall in love ..
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sara - sorry you still dont have good enough reason for me not to beat the crap out of that guy.... Even if it was arranged. they had kids must have some sort of feelings...
zulm sehna zulm karne wale se barha gunegar hai
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Nia, where in the above posts did I say she should keep up with that behavior? All I meant was that its easy for US, on the outside, to tell her to beat the crap out of him and to muse about waht we wud do in that situation but that's not realistic. It's easy for you to say all that because your personality is that you would castrate a guy if he even looked at you the wrong way and wussies like him wud go running away from you :p