just some advice please.. so my wedding is due to take place next year insha’Allah my dad died a few years ago so my taya who is also married to my massi plays an important role in my life, as he had to go to pakistan due to my daadi passing away in october, we’re waiting for him to return in january and inshallah get the ball rolling for dates venues etc. I was speaking to my fiance earlier and quiet frankly he annoyed me with a comment he made, my mums hoping for a September wedding after Ramzaan inshallah, and my other half for some reason has october in his head (he says it gives him enough time to save, hes rubbish with finances..! sigh) but yes so i said well Septembers okay plus thats what we orginally planned and he goes isnt it disrespectful atleast wait until its ur daadi’s one year, my reply was my bebeji would want me to be married asap it was her dream to see me married, and he was adamant on october only, and he goes “**well im going to say to your taya october it is, take it or leave” **
am i right to be annoyed at his comment?? i just put the phone down on him and said night, and he sent me a message saying u didnt even say bye usual luv u night etc, sigh but its just annoyed me that he wants everything his way! he doesnt have the nerve to say that to my taya i know that for a fact but im just annoyed that hes trying to blow hot air with me, argh! he hasnt even apologised and i feel its rude of him that he hasnt,
I think if he feels strongly about honoring your dadi, perhaps it is a custom following in your fiance's family and that therefore you shouldnt make a big deal out of it but rather appreciate him.
I think if he feels strongly about honoring your dadi, perhaps it is a custom following in your fiance's family and that therefore you shouldnt make a big deal out of it but rather appreciate him.
no we feel the same way aswell, but my taya has given us the go ahead to have the wedding asap his mother wanted it in april but i said no as it was too soon, hes just been stuck on october since like forever, even before daadi died, so in reality he should be pushing for november, i just didnt appreciate his tone the way he said it to me, mayb its just one of those days where im thinking too much, but i dont understand his fascination with october lol
Perhaps it was just one of those days when his tone got bad. It happens.
The message he sent you asking for a love you bye bye is evidence of the fact that he didn't intend for you to get upset.
:) So be the bigger person and allow things to proceed as they will. It is upto elders anyway when the wedding happens. He can converse with them. Don't create bad blood.
no we feel the same way aswell, but my taya has given us the go ahead to have the wedding asap his mother wanted it in april but i said no as it was too soon, hes just been stuck on october since like forever, even before daadi died, so in reality he should be pushing for november, i just didnt appreciate his tone the way he said it to me, mayb its just one of those days where im thinking too much, but i dont understand his fascination with october lol
Perhaps it was just one of those days when his tone got bad. It happens.
** The message he sent you asking for a love you bye bye is evidence of the fact that he didn't intend for you to get upset. **
:) So be the bigger person and allow things to proceed as they will. It is upto elders anyway when the wedding happens. He can converse with them. Don't create bad blood.
your right.. i need to learn to not let my gussa get in the way! i'l be normal with him when he msgs in the morning, thank youuu :D
its not about being a months difference.. its the fact he said take it or leave it, which annoyed me,
Then talk to him about the "take it or leave it" comment. Explain to him that ultimatums like that where the only other option is to end the relationship are not healthy...it also reflects a need for control...and that's not how you'd want your marriage to be...to be in that delicate of a state. You have to talk to him about it at some point.
:) I'm glad you shan't allow anger to get in the way. And btw, congratulations on the wedding :)! Whenever it is! :)
thank youuu! and on urs too! ive been a "lurking reader" for ages lol and have seen u mention ur plans hope it all goes well insha'Allah, i can see myself coming and whinging about how to control my anger when things get stressful lol x
Then talk to him about the "take it or leave it" comment. Explain to him that ultimatums like that where the only other option is to end the relationship are not healthy...it also reflects a need for control...and that's not how you'd want your marriage to be...to be in that delicate of a state. You have to talk to him about it at some point.
yeh i agree, and i am going to talk to him about it i just needed to get away if that makes sense as i didnt want to say anything in anger, he probably doesnt realise what hes said is wrong but he needs to appreciate that it has to be a JOINT decision, not just his, or mine, my mums pretty cool and to make it fair i did suggest wel just get it over and done with in november as the kids will be off for half term school hols, and my sister is due to leave for NY for her placement in december so its like im trying to make everyone happy lol, so his ultimatums are not really appreciated and hence i got annoyed with him sigh
what a jerk ur fiance is .. if i were u id spit in his face
I'm disappointed, Soni. :( I was hoping you'd at least exclaim a "You rrraaaaascal, you scoundrel, you bewafaa, tum ne mere vishwaas ko taura hai" before you spat on his face.
Maybe the finance issue is more serious than you realize. Another month of wages could mean a proper caterer, decorator, or honeymoon.
its not the money issue, he earns well mashallah, he just doesnt know how to handle the finances, and save properly lol hes improving, but hes not one to want a lavish do anyway, so i duno