Am I overreacting?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Hi,

I am posting here after ages but I really needed some opinions from the wise people here at GS forums :smiley:

I have been in a relationship with this guy for over a year and our families are involved now and it has gotten very serious. From day one his very good female friend had bothered me. She would hold his hands when they went out, call him in the middle of the night and flirt openly with him but was extremely hostile towards me. I told him how it bothered me but he kept assuring me that she was just a friend. He moved to a different continent for uni, and a month or so later she moved there permanently. They were still great friends until I bee-itched to the max about something a few months ago and he stopped talking to her.

Today we were talking at our usual morning hour when he mentioned how his ‘friend’ called him and wanted to meet up with him. I asked him why he even picked up her phone, and he told me that she had called at his home phone.

Now what really upset me about all this is that he had given her his home phone # when he first moved there, but despite me asking him repeatedly for it, he did not even give it to me until just a few months ago because he shares the place with a few other guys and did not want me to call him there. I asked him why he had given his ‘friend’ the landline number and not me, and his reply to me was, ‘us waqt u were different’ (his exact words). Us waqt, we were still in a relationship, and the only difference is that now we are taking that same relationship to the next level. He told me that I was overreacting over a small issue, but it has really really bothered me then how can it be a small issue? Am I really overreacting?

2

Re: Am I overreacting?

besides all other things, first leme point out that this guy is at least honest with you. If he wanted to hide this thing he would have never told you that his friend called him up and wanted to see him .. .. just trying to tell you a +ve side

On the topic: yes, you are right. Since you have told him at number of times that this lady bothered you and you guys are not in "just a relationship" - you guys are seriuos with families involved. I wonder why he is still giving him such an importance over you ..

3

If a man loves his woman, he'll make sure he cuts off connections to other women, especially the ones that bother his gal. You are not asking for too much, he should comply and break off any contact with her.

4

Re: Am I overreacting?

spock, spoko Mrs to naheen ??

5

No you aren't overreacting, given the red points...and your guy doesn't seem honest...Soon he'll be giving you the line "you aren't giving me space", you're being insecure" to make you feel bad. It all starts with a suspicious "only a friend".

If he loved you, he would have dropped her without you having to ask.! He's smart enough to know that that friend is nothing but trouble, and will bring nothing but trouble given her past history (which I am assuming all happened within a year, because you tell me that this relationship with your guy has been going on for just over a year. )

My personal opinion, he';s sitting there enjoying watching you be jealous for his ego boost, and that's the only reason he mentioned the friend to you. he gave her the landline, so you wouldnt be able to track passed calls on his cell phone. And I wouldn't be surprised, if this has been going on longer then it appears to you.

Bottom line, this guy does not seem worth it.

6

:smiley:%between%

7

good advice.

8

That is not true. The girl could be being unreasonable. This can't be generalized.

We put ENOUGH pressure on men, as it is.

As spoko's issue is concerned, it is more complicated. If I were in your place, I would not like the girl holding his hand, and if she were hostile to me, I wouldn't have a relationship with her. (The girl would kind be an ego-boost for me :p, obviously as long as my guy wasn't flirting with her etc.)

I would ask that of my guy to draw boundaries with her, like not couple-like hand holding. Hand-shaking and other normal stuff would be fine.

What has he been saying about what makes it all ok? I would get his side of the story.

If the families are involved and you haven't had any other major issues, I would strongly suggest against ditching the relationship just yet. Get to the bottom of his perspective about the issue. Ask him what he thinks about it. Really understand his point of view, before telling him that you disagree. Tell him what you understood of his view, until you get it right. By this time, he'd be MORE than willing to reallly listen to why it hurts you. If both of you are honest about listening to each other to RESOLVE the issue and not get their way, you will end up resolving it.

9

Sorry but holding hands, letting her flirt, calling him all the time, etc... .. you think that should be an ego boost for the other girl??? On the contrary it ought to be a huge red sign for her to have a serious talk.

If you're a good looking chap with a decent personality, lots of girls show interest in you and if you're committed you need to take caution. I dont think doing this is a little too much; anything for the person you love right?

10

ya well thats true
this is the price he have to pay:cb: IF HE WANTS this relationship to move forward ..

commitment is not easy

11

Well said.

You are overreacting in one way and not the other.

Perhaps it is time to re-think this relationship. I would if I were you.

12

Re: Am I overreacting?

Wow talk about being insecure. You are acting like a spoiled child. Not to mention, clingy, jealous and a little psycho.

That guy must be a saint to deal with this.

13

Re: Am I overreacting?

You are doing fine.
99% of the time, in such cases there is nothing like "just good friends" between a man and a woman, especially when the woman moves to the same country where the guy lives.
Bitter reality.

14

Men who are in committed relationships dont hold hands with their female friends, call them in the middle of the night, flirt with them openly or anything of the sort.

Your man's friend obviously likes him. She wants him and doesnt care if she tramples over you in the process.

It really depends on your relationship spoko. If this is marriage, then I would do everything in my power to keep my relationship alive and kicking. If its just a boyfriend, then Im not sure he is worth so much effort.

To be honest, I would ignore him for a bit so I could evaluate what I want and give him a chance to miss me.

15

Read what I said once again:

I didn't say anything about how other girls are ought to feel. I mentioned how I would feel.

16

I disagree.

I'm not the jealous type at all and neither is he...but there are some boundaries...whatever the boundaries are, the person in the relationship has to respect them if they truly care for the person.

17

So you'll be ok and would think your /fiance/bf/hubby isnt "flirting" when some other girl comes and holds his hand, flirt with him, speak to him all night long? On top of that, would that really give you an ego boost? If you're going to say it does not include holding hands or flirting, then there's really nothing to worry about because thats not what the OP presented in her case.

18

I quoted my initial post for this reason. Please read the two sentences there.

I clearly said that he must not flirt and must draw boundaries.

Yup, if a girl is falling for my guy, that would mean that my guy is well-liked by other people. So yeah, I would like that. I would also feel sorry for her, coz if my guy isn't going for her, it would hurt her.

19

:k:

:nook:

20

She is holding his hand, talking to him at night, bumchumming him, and HE IS LETTING HER. its not her, its him.

you are not overreacting, in fact you are under-reacting, i would definatly call it off, and not just that SHE MOVES THERE FOR HIM and HE GIVES HER HIS LANDLINE.

end of story.