Am i over reacting?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I got married this feb… he is in australia n i m in pakistan he went back in april… we talk daily on phone…i called him today he thought he cut my call but by mistake he recieved my call and put it in his pocket… i said hello twice then i heard something … he was sitting with his male friends n talking about women… pakistani darama actresses n using some dirty language discussing their bodies n i think they were watching something tooo… i was so shocked … they keep on talking about that n i cut the call after half n hour…later he called me n i asked him where he was he said with friends playing cards…i told him that i heard u … now he is saying u should cut the call y did u keep listening… i m mad at him for obvious reason…
is it normal for married men to go n discuss this stuff in dirty manner ? m i over reacting? i wanna know it from men … specially…

2

Re: Am i over reacting?

i m not blind in love.... i know women will react this way thats y i asked the reaction of men.... he is going to have a very bad time from me for wat he said.... but if men will reply that its normal and all of them do it ... then wat can i do.... but it will be satisfying that i married a loser and there was nt a better choice.... i m upset right now....

3

Re: Am i over reacting?

oh comon don't accept the "everyone does it" argument. You have a right to expect your man to have some class.

4

Not all guys do it. Some dont wanna talk about stuff like that with 'their boys' they feel embarrassed or just dont find the need wheras some even sit and look video's of each others girlfriends 'at it' :ASA:

5

Re: Am i over reacting?

i like ur reply.... its nt practical though... huh.... it means high class men dont talk about women.... its nt possible ?? i just wanted to know where the limits end ....

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Re: Am i over reacting?

distintiveflair.... r u talking generally or stating the fact? r u male?

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Fact: my chand ka tokra would not do that :@:..... otherwise I would beat his ass :ASA:

Fact: Worked in two places were boys huddled around and one guy showed his male colleagues a sex video of him and his girlfriend from the other night.

8

Biyya,

Women will also discuss the physical attributes of men that they find attractive (broad shoulders, etc.).....could be an actor on TV or someone more tangible. What can make it off-putting and degrading is the choice of words, the tone, etc.

Your husband is not going to end up with that actress and it doesn't mean that he loves you any less or finds you unattractive. Thinking that someone of the opposite gender is attractive....doesn't end with marriage. It's just one quality.....whereas a serious relationship such as a marriage involves more than that....and more emotional energy to build.

I'm not trying to justify anything here. I've already said that it can be off-putting. I don't know if many guys (given how conservative desi culture is) will openly admit to doing this. You wanted to especially get the guys' opinions here. But let's say that most of them admitted to doing this.....would that then make it a non-issue for you? Or even if a very small number of guys admitted to it....would that make you feel better? If it's bothering you this much, then calmly talk to the individual involved, your husband.

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Re: Am i over reacting?

thanx for ur advise red valvet...its just I wanted to respect my partner ... I dont think that i can look at him with respect after this.... i can pretend that i still like him ... but i m disappointed... upset... I'll talk to him

10

I'm not going to simplify the issue because it's a tough one. Maybe I'd react the same way if I were in your situation. But try not to make this the only reason to lose respect for your husband. Try to also focus on his other positive qualities that are not only a part of his personality....but that helped strengthen your marriage. Maybe this will help you feel more calm....for when you get ready to discuss the issue with him.

11

Yes, I know its hard to swallow.

However, I do think you need to take something into consideration. He is a newlywed guy...a lot of his habits will still be very "bachelor" in their nature.

Its a very immature and junior-high thing to do.

12

^That's a good point to consider as well...I was wondering about that.

The "bachelor" stage.....that too shall wane (if not pass)......and may one day turn into something perhaps uglier.....the mid-life crisis. Muawhahah, LOL. Kidding.

Reha's right, Biyya. Take some points into consideration and try to calm yourself down before addressing it.

13

Yes you over reacting.

Dont listen to PCG when dealing with the man you love.

14

Re: Am i over reacting?

^She (PCG) is right though....that when you hear such comments...you think object...or meat....depending upon how it's said.

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Re: Am i over reacting?

I did not say it because of what she said.

16

Re: Am i over reacting?

redness

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Re: Am i over reacting?

sometimes i wonder what mr.stoppit is like with his long-time friends.
then i remember what i'm like when i'm with the "guys". i stop wondering.

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Re: Am i over reacting?

Biyya, I don't know if you're over reacting, but not all guys talk like that. I shoot my mouth off a lot here on GS, but at the end of the day, when other guys around me talk about how hot a girl is while going into great details, I feel embarrassed.

19

Re: Am i over reacting?

i think i'd get annoyed if my husband was hurt and upset at the way i was with my friends when hes not around

I could understand getting upset if it were about you or one of your friends/family members....thats definitely disrespectful...but an actress/random girl on the street? Let it be.

then again I am seeing a very disturbing trend that when a guy is caught doing something bad, he gets defensive and puts the blame on her. Is this normal?

20

Re: Am i over reacting?

Ok so aahmed is one shareef guy but most of the guys do talk like guys when they are amongst guys. I say you let it be. Dont worry too much.