Am i not the wife type??

Lifestyle Relationships
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So i heard these stories…

This baji has 3 kids whose husband threaten’s her every other day or so 'if you don;t listen to my mother and follow her commands i will have to divorce you. and kids will be under my custody" she sit there and takes it every single day.

Then this another aunty who has 2 kids both over 18–just came from pakistan and finds out her husband sleeps with another woman who is non muslim and lives under the same roof.

then this another woman she has one child so far- but her husband is into this another woman she stays at her house…

then we have this uncle who is like a puppet who gets played by his wife- aunty feels fine putting her hands on other uncles and smiles, show her breast, wear see through clothes and all that.. i mean what are you trying to do?

then these 2 uncles were married to these too women and it was “watey sitey ka rishta” both brothers got married to both sisters… and after being married for 2 years they took over the house - kicked those uncles out… and live there with their parents.

I hear so many crapy stories that makes me wonder if marriage thing is actually for me.

So basically after shadi girl has to keep an eye like a hawk at her husband and he has to watch her as well. I would hate to do that and to be honest if i have to baby sit someone like that i might as well live my entire life alone. Why do i see less and less trust in this relationship since per my ami “shadi wadi ki umar ho gai hai”. I’m afraid i may not be able to trust someone

dont i want to get married ? ofcourse i do [not now for sure] but yeah in future yeah.. but if marriage really means to watch your husband etc i am nto sure if i want to waste thousands of dollars just to keep an eye out…

these stories make me depress…

so no matter how many years it has been you still have to watch another person?

do guppans and guppies here keep an eye out for their spouses?

these things make me wonder am i not the typical wife type girl?

because the moment i find out my hubby is into another woman he is going to get his ass beaten by me and this gang that i know for sure. He will be in hospital for good 1 month and i will leave a mark which will remind him of me every single day… I can’t take abuse like that.. I don’t even like to hear something in loud voice… then these things are out of question…

i believe in kud kush raho and dosro ko bhi kush rehne do if you cant then change your ways…isnt this better then living with hell all through your life?

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

i feel the same sista…i’ve given up on desis though..i’ve heard the same horrifying stories…

im thinking i shall settle on either a convert or an arab or someone who’s not a desi :bummer:

it’s a mean arse world out there…especially around desis :naraz:

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

Nia (and Chorni), the marriages described are not normal, healthy marriages. I can't quote statistics but I can speak from personal experience that not all guys (and girls) are like that at all. InshaAllah, when you do get married, you won't have to keep an eye on him and he won't have to keep an eye on you. There is absolutely no reason to. Despite the views expressed on these boards and what you may have seen, not all guys are into checking other women out at the first opportunity given. There are many guys out there who do want what you want. Yes, they do exist and as i said in the other thread, you just have to be a little more selective, a little more careful, shift through a lot of weeds, mess up a few times thinking he's the one when he may not be the one, and hopefully, InshaAllah, you will find him.

Nia, you say you think you aren't cut out for marriage. I don't know you that well but what I do know about you, I think you're going to be great when you get married. He's going to be lucky to have you b/c in every post that I read of yours, whether you are happy or sad, I see a lot of passion, intelligence and an endless supply of love. It's contagious, always makes me smile. If you can find someone who thinks on the same wavelength you do, I don't see how he wouldn't be crazy about you.

Again, it all comes down to finding the right guy. Don't let the wrong ones turn you off from all guys. They're not all like that.

Okay I seriously wish I could spend the next three pages convincing you and chorni but you guys are probably tired of my mushiness so yeah. Just chew on what I said for a while.

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

Chorni, you’re mine :love:

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

Nia, remember one thing when you get married: Learn to love your in-laws as your own parents and inshAllah they will love you as a daughter. This will do two things: (a) keep your husband happy, and if he's happy you'll be happy; (b) you will truly feel part of your new family; you won't have second thoughts about your actions, everything you do will feel natural.

(Assuming that you do get married into an extended family).

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

bachey, u need much more experience in life. tell me that once u have been in a relationship for a while!!

Nia and chorni..I too was thinking like u guys. didnt wanna marry in the first place..didnt want to be part of a stupid desi environment by getting married to a desi. I was considering a convert or arab or something else but never a desi. I was sick of all these scary stories about women being treated bad…

But then I met this wonderful guy. desi. muslim.religious to the very detail. and Alhamdulillah I am so happy to marry him in a few months:) he is all what I wanted. Alhamdulillah:) him being religious also means that he takes a stand against all tha crappy stuff in our desi culture. and that is a major plus!!!
and even though certain persons in my in law family have tried to create obstacles, our honest and open communication has lead to a stronger relationship between me and him!!!

So plz dont loose ur hope. pray 2 rakah for hajat and ask Allah for help and guidance. desis are not worth waisting ur time on. focus on what u can give and what u expect from ur man. ask Allah for help and beleive me He always listens whenever u call him!!!:slight_smile:

I wish u all the best and pray that u both meet mr.right and realize that not all men are bad:)

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

i don't think being desi or not is the problem leading to an unhealthy marriage...
immoral people don't make good marriage even by labelling it 'islamic' marriage, putting together two sick individuals for the sake of society "what will PEOPLE say????"....is leading to this, and it's not only desi, really!

if you are a nice honest lady inshallah you'll meet a nice honest man and will love each other, and your marriage will be a true blessing, and happy thing. Im' not saying it's gonna be a piece of cake, cause you'll have to work on it, and HE will have too also....but two nice people have high chance to have a nice marriage!

listen to yourself, and don't buy all crap from relatives or even family, cause they can be vvery misguiding....

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

hmm if u marry sm1n u know and hes educatedd i dont thikn u would hv to worry
u hv to mkae it a fiar relationshipp....

and where do u live??
all these stories are extremly horrible

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

These r isolated incidents, and it may be hard to believe but these things happen outside Pakistan also...don't let a few bad marriages ruin it for you...marriage is very very important.

lifeless: education doesnt mean the guy will treat their wives well. Just look at our last Prophet PBUH.

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u are rite buttt he was the prohett

i jsut tihnk he would understand the relationship more and would not want to b controlling and mayb hv more respect for womenn

mayb...

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Not true...its a generalization. It has no effect on the personality and habits of a person, no matter what the education level of a person, they know the difference between right and wrong.

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Nia we all hear such stuff and its around everywhere BUT think r u almost the way as those aunties are? are you in their shoes? your situation and mentality is different (for sure) than those aunties who are suffering like this through in-laws and husband. That absolutely doesn't mean you will end up like them. Best thing to do is set ur priorities and go by them. After listenin to these stories FORGET them. What good is it doing to you or them by hearing such stuff? Make urself believe of what you want out of life and rest leave it upto Allah (s.w.t)

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I'm afraid i may not be able to trust someone

[/quote]

aren't we all? Yes in a matter of marriage it gets difficult specially in our culture where not enuff room is given to get to know the future hubby b4 marriage. But Nia thinnk this way...ur parents and my parents (for sure) didnt date b4 or didnt have phone or internet to talk or to get to know each other And yet they are still together ..(alhamdullilah)

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so no matter how many years it has been you still have to watch another person? do guppans and guppies here keep an eye out for their spouses?
[/quote]

keepin an eye on someone will do no damn good to u or them! Remember that! Lets say I love someone and get married to him ..later in marriage I find out that he is going out with someone else.. at that point I will NOT think that there was something wrong with me ..instead Ill see if he comes back to me on his own. Its tough and will be heart breaking but one gotta understand life is not always like a beautiful rainbow.

[quote]
these things make me wonder am i not the typical wife type girl?
[/quote]

wat is a typical wife type defination?

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because the moment i find out my hubby is into another woman he is going to get his ass beaten by me and this gang that i know for sure. He will be in hospital for good 1 month and i will leave a mark which will remind him of me every single day... I can't take abuse like that.. I don't even like to hear something in loud voice... then these things are out of question...
[/quote]

will this will bring him back to u ...by heart??

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

^^ Good Advice :)

P.S. Nia, 2 brothers married to 2 sisters is not called Watta-Satta. Watta-Satta is when a boy and girl (i.e. bro n sis) of one family marry the girl and boy (bro n sis) of the other family. Hope I didn't confuse u. Chalo Monday ko explain ker doon gee ;)

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

Nia jee, not all men are same, you are smart and strong person, and just because few bad apples (that we hear so much about) don’t get discouraged.

you are educated, smart and strong, as are most of the girls on this forum, i mean if you guys can hold your own here :cb: i m sure you will be able to do it in real life as well.

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

^ yup thats all I meant back there :k: :smiley:

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

I wouldn't say that your being worried about the issues you mentioned means you're not the type for marriage. I don't think any normal person would want to have to deal with them. As others have said, those aren't necessarily typical marriages.

My advice is that before you decide on whom you want to marry, be sure to make istikhaara. You can't go wrong with that.

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

Yeah, if someone is jahil and ignorant, they're gonna remain so, reading books or writing papers isn't gonna change that. Like my mom.. is not very much educated, but i think when it comes to alot of things, I think shes wiser and smarter than most women her age who were highly educated and worked their entire adult lives but still seem to have the paindu mentality..

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Nia, im a nice guy marry me and i'll prove it ;)

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

nia you have to wait until you meet that special someone and trust me you wont have to keep an eye on him.

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Re: Am i not the wife type??

chorni, its not only desis who do that. i’ve heard the same stories about non desis too. not everyone’s the same. the world is full of good ppl, you can’t judge the entire community based on a few stories.